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This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-02-24 19:26:01 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Hidden Key

The key to her life is hidden somewhere beneath scores of scarred emotions, a young lady felt despair. She dances to the music playing in her soul, sings from memories of times that were out of her control. No pity for the prize of inheriting unwanted pain. No door to open or crawl away from, no faces left to blame. The key to her life will stay hidden in a maze, while tommorrow plays out - the joy she lives for today.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-03-02 19:21:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42857
DeniMari--This melancholy poem has a semi-tragic feel: it infers some past wrong doings or mishaps befalling the protagonist that were not of her making. A combination of allits (scores of scarred; soul sings; out of) and rhymes (somewhere/despair; soul/ control; pain/blame; stay/today; maze/plays)creates not only a nice rhythmic tone but vivid imagery. The repeat of the title/theme enjambments of lines #1/2 of both stanzas #1 and #4, serves to empha- size as well as defines the near hopefulness of this situation. However, a small spark of redemption is shown: "...while tommorow plays out-the joy she lives for today." I enjoyed this quiet mysterious little piece and thank for for sharing it. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-03-02 10:00:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.49206
Dear Poet....so many will be able to associate with this poem in one way or another..... It speaks of child abuse, of hurt that remains after all these years....it has scarred emotions which is a very good description of what survivors often have, Singing to her own music - retreating to a place where no other emotions can penetrate, for some perhaps it is getting lost in reading of a better place to be where one can be happier then they are at the present time.......for some it might be taking a walk and just letting oneself go.........for those that suffer from this form of abuse life does seem to be out of control and carries into the adult life as well. No faces left to blame .... speaks of wanting to confront people about the pain that one may have and still feels but due to the parting of the other party they are unable to approach and face them at this time of their life....the pain will continue and remain then..... The joy she lives for today - something that is very hard to do when you have always been unhappy. Sometimes we just cannot accept that its okay to be happy....to put the pain aside and take what life has to offer today....peace perhaps, love and a little joy or allot of joy..... This poem does speak and reach out....it is filled with many emotions and one does not need to be physically abused as a child to understand its full meaning....emotional abuse is just as bad...thanks for posting and taking the time to share and to care....be safe and God Bless.....Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-03-02 00:35:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.17857
This is a quite plainly written poem that talks about an unpleasant topic, but it seems that whatever happened has been overcome or is in the process of being overcome. I personally wish for a bit more complexity, but clearly that is not what the poet wished for. I like the counterpoint of negative and positive items in the poem, as that' s it's main appeal of the thing. I also like the references to responsibility in the poem. It summarizes a sentiment I like very much in a very interesting and plain way with the subtleties hidden slightly from view. Thanks, REEG!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-02-28 16:59:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82353
Dear Deni, I don't know of your intent but to me, a survivor of childhood abuse it speaks volumes. I can identify with so much of it and the hurt that is still there in my heart comes oozing out. Scarred emotions - good description of what survivors often have, some with scabs that are ready to rip off and expose the pain again and again. Singing to her own music - retreating to a place where no other emotions can penetrate, for me it was my books. Most of my life has been out of my control, but not now! No faces left to blame - also speaks of wanting to confront people about the pain that we have felt, but can't now because they are no longer here on this earth. It is impossible to ask for or give forgiveness to those who are gone. The joy she lives for today - something that is very hard to do when you have always been unhappy. It is extremely difficult to accept the fact that YOU can be happy! As you can see, this poem spoke to my heart and I appreciate your bravery in posting it. It is very honest, and I appreciate that kind of poetry. Sherri

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-24 20:07:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Sadness abounds and is felt by the reader here. I would try analyzing the poem a little for line length and endings. The rhymes are fine, though varied. A couple of places to consider: The key to her life is hidden somewhere beneath scores of scarred - [could emotions end this line instead of beginning the next?] emotions, a young lady felt despair. She dances to the music playing in her soul, sings from memories of - [how about times ending this one?] times that were out - [and combining these last 2 lines, maybe deleting "that were"?] of her control. - [I think the meter might be improved in this manner.] Wonderful use of consonance and slant rhymes. I enjoyed the read. Come back with more.

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