This Poem was Submitted By: Valene L Johnson On Date: 2004-04-17 04:47:18 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © April 2004 Valene L Johnson
a whisper of light
stike heart with trumpets blaring
the love of my Lord!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2004-05-03 01:43:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.45455
(I am re-submitting the critique I gave your other version of this, to cleat it from the top of my voting list. I dont really expect two bites of the critiquer rating cherry, so don't be too generous ... or too harsh!!)
Nice how you've caught a moment where a minor occurence, "a whisper of light", ignites your heart into tumultuous adoration. A small step from the simple to the sublime.
Alliteration works well here. I stumbled a little on "strike heart with trumpets blaring" only because my grammatical sense seemed to want to hear "strikes heart". But this is of course your call.
Overall, you've captured a lovely moment of ephiphany.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-04-26 17:51:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
I don't think I have read your work before...if you are new welcome but if you are
returning then welcome back. This haiku really works for me...I write one occasionaly
and I know they can be a difficult challenge.
a whisper of light....these three words present such a soft and lovely image when written
together...just a snippet of light so soft it can barely be seen
but its silent whisper heard just the same...beautiful
strike heart with trumpets blaring...a complete about face from our soft light...now the
sound is loud and sure as it heralds love for our Lord
these words are so effective here..great job!
the love of my Lord.......yes, yes, it could be nothing else but love for Him
I am sure you can tell that I am really into this haiku...I look forward to reading more
of your work.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-04-18 22:51:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
Welcome to TPL! It’s always nice to see new names popping on the site. I hope you’re enjoying and learning a lot as I am also with these guys.
This is a wonderful haiku and a wonderful dedication to God in declaring your faith! I find the haiku praise-like and at the same time worshipful. It captures the “silent message” of the movie “Passion” yet it speaks loud in abundance victory. You have poured out your whole “heart” in these lines. I also like the contrasting words between “whisper” and “trumpets” – cleverly done!
This is an amazing and reflective piece! Your proud and honest sentiments radiate in clear words. Thanks for posting this for our meditation. Thanks for the reminder and for the inspiration. Very effective!
This Poem was Critiqued By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-04-18 22:30:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72000
I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your sharing this lovely haiku with us. I love how you use a different sense to personify the light (something you see) with whisper (something you hear very close and intimately). I presume you meant "strike" instead of "stike"? If so, you continue this theme with striking heart (touch) with the trumpets blaring (sound). I see the allusion to the rapture as well, the trumpet call for us to turn and come to our Lord. Yes, it is His love that won victory over death and will call us at that last trumpet call to see Him in His Glory, a deeper meaning with the title.
Simply lovely, and a wonderful true statement of faith. Thanks for sharing this one with us.
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-04-17 18:17:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.83333
I never really know how to critique haiku, but at least I try.
Do you mean that you see little and hear little from your "lord?"
the love of your "Lord" fills you so that you feel as if the trumpets were blaring.
Okay, strike me down!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-04-17 16:22:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
haikus are fun to write and this one fits all the criteria. Very good imagery, 3 lines that say a lot.
Thanks for sharing.
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