This Poem was Submitted By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-05-09 00:54:30 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Sequel to Changing With The Changes

He couldn’t tell you where she ended and he began. The answer was in the shadow that wrapped him mute. He couldn’t tell you why the food the neighbors brought had no taste or why his tongue found no flavor or why his body gathered no strength. His crops ripened beneath an expectant sun; animals weaned their young according to ancient encodings and the seasons changed. Autumn enforced her dominion before Winter graciously accepted her crown. Then the bulbs of Spring heralded their final statement. Reds and yellows glowed beneath intermittent snows. He started to entertain new hope. He would see her again.

Copyright © May 2004 Marcia McCaslin


This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-06-02 17:33:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96667
Marcia: I've just reread "Changing with the Changes" so that I would have a clear concept of the connection between these works. This feels like a WIP, one which is to become part of a series, perhaps a memoir in poetic form. The reason I say "WIP" is because of the 'working title', I believe. It does work, though this poem could well be a continuation of the first. He couldn’t tell you where she ended and he began. The answer was in the shadow that wrapped him mute. He couldn’t tell you why the food the neighbors brought had no taste or why his tongue found no flavor or why his body gathered no strength. I was overcome several times reading the first poem, and again, just now. It is as though I am seeing my father all over again, as he went through the motions of life after my mother's death. You are writing, I think, of someone you know well and love - perhaps parents or grandparents. The note of authenticity is unmistakable. As a personal aside, now I know why I didn't write anything in response to the first poem. Too hard to keep the tears away. His crops ripened beneath an expectant sun; animals weaned their young according to ancient encodings and the seasons changed. It seems a fathomless mystery when the world continues on as before when the one we love most has gone from it. The phrase "expectant sun" captures all of that and more. The sun continues to shine and provide light and warmth for all creatures and plants on earth, just as though nothing untoward had happened. Yet to the bereft man, the heart has gone out of things. But you have said it better! "Autumn enforced her dominion before Winter graciously accepted her crown." I love the personifications of the seasons you've given this work. The feminine gender seems highly apropos for earth's seasons. "Then the bulbs of Spring heralded their final statement. Reds and yellows glowed beneath intermittent snows." You've captured the vitality, the vibrant life of Spring in the glowing "reds and yellows" which were under "intermittent snows." You suggest that life is like this -- surviving under harsh conditions, but that the conditions are not permanent. There is a hint here of the possiblity of the continuity of life, or survival of death. I love the way you have "the bulbs" as heralds. I'm reminded here of "It was the lark, the herald of the morn." —Shakespeare He started to entertain new hope. He would see her again. And on the final line, as in the poem that preceeded this one, the entire poem rests. Marcia - this is a luminous, inspiring work, and I thank you for it. I would not want one syllable changed. On a personal note, the hope of seeing my mother again sustained my father in his final years. Shortly before he died, he told me, "I can sense your mother around me all the time now. I think she is waiting for me." How beautiful - wondrous in every way - you and your poetry. An admiring fan, Joanne


This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-05-30 11:30:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Lovely poignant poem , Marcia. It resonates with feeling and tenderness. I would like to make a few suggestions just for economy of words- and for The rhythm. He couldn’t tell you where she ended and he began. The answer was in the shadow that wrapped him mute. Wonderful beginning! He couldn’t tell you why the food the neighbors brought The fact that the neighbors brought him food hints to us that she is dead in a subtle way that is remarkable . had no taste or why his tongue found no flavor or why his body gathered no strength. His crops ripened beneath an [expectant] great adjective – the sun Oblivious to us – just goes on – yes-] animals weaned their young according to ancient encodings[.] A little harsh a word here – perhaps “ways which would give you some assonance with “changed” The perhaps a new line here :” [-and]The seasons changed. Autumn enforced her dominion before Winter graciously accepted her crown. [lovely] [The bulbs of Spring came, heralding ] their final statement. Reds and yellows glowed beneath intermittent snows. He started to entertain new hope. He would see her again. Chilling ending which is brilliant in its understatement. Lots here under the surface to think about. Fine piece, Marcia
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-05-27 11:23:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Well Maricia, Sequels aren't typically as good as the originals, but this one is at least as good and maybe better. "He couldn’t tell you where she ended and he began. The answer was in the shadow that wrapped him mute.(The phrase "shadow that wrapped him mute"is fresh and apt) He couldn’t tell you why the food the neighbors brought had no taste or why his tongue found no flavor or why his body gathered no strength."(This is an apt description of someone experiencing the greif process. I saw my Dad go through this after my mother and then brother died.) "His crops ripened beneath an expectant sun; animals weaned their young according to ancient encodings and(love the assonance and consonnance here) the seasons changed."(Life went on without him and maybe even in spite of him) "Autumn enforced her dominion before Winter graciously accepted her crown.(definately in spite of him and winter can make you feel so alone. I especially like the way you use the passing of seasons and the inevitableness (is that a word?)of the seasons to change ) Then the bulbs of Spring heralded their final statement. Reds and yellows glowed beneath intermittent snows"( Time marches on and it takes time to greive a loss such as this. I especially like the way you've shown us a year passing in clear imagry and yet brevity. Your choice of language like "enforced, dominion, crown, heralded" helps to promote this imagry well. The poetics are there too with assonance and consonnance strengthening the imagry.) Marvelous ending. We have to have hope. All is lost when we don't have our hope. Brava! is all I have left to say here. Blessings, JEnnifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-05-16 02:01:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Hi Marcia, I'm glad to see the sequel to Changing with the Changes. Who's story is this? Is you the she in the story? By the way, I like the language here. It is rife with figurative language like the metaphor in this line "The answer was in the shadow that wrapped him mute" and also in this line: "His crops ripened beneath an expectant sun". And one can SEE it because of concrete visuals. And I like the ending, it is hopeful! Amidst the darkness, still there is hope. I have not experience this but I feel the emotions very well. Thanks for sharing, Marcia. Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-05-10 17:10:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40000
Marcia–This must be the week of sequels-smile. The initial poem “Changing with the Changes” feels a lot like the movie “Love Story” (with Ryan Oneal). The Sequel to Changing with the Changes feels like the movie “Oliver’s Story” (Ryan Oneal’s character and the sequel to Love Story). Stanza #1 poignantly depicts the after affect of the loss of the loved one: (great nonliteral language “...where she ended and he began...”; “answer was in the shadow that wrapped him mute.”) this protagonist had no will to live or couldn’t see a need to carry on , although life around him continued on as programed (Stanza #2). Stanzas #3 and #4 are metaphoric/analogous for the acceptance of reality/situation and thus, a desire to live again (superb nonliteral verbiage). Stanza #4 is all about redemption: maybe through reincarnation or at another time in another place they will be reunited (afterlife?) “Acceptance of the Changes” could have worked as a title for this sequel (just a suggestion). And, I am sorry if I misstated your intentions. Thanks for sharing this heartfelt, well thought out and brilliantly written piece. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-05-09 17:34:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Marcia, This poem is sinking down on my list so I must catch it now. Again you have written another poem about the exquisit love these two people have for one another. The first stanza is both beautiful and amazing both in passion and imagery. I can easily see this poor bereaved man standing in the living room of his home trying to eat tasteless food and make conversation when his body resides in a shadow 'that wraps him mute'..amazing use of terse words that completly give us a sense of this man. But life went on around him ....'crops ripened..expectant sun..animals weaned their young'...all the happenings in the life he knew before he lost his soul mate. This is almost too sad for me to continue. My husband always said if I died first he would be right behind me so I was to just wait for him...and I do believe he would have found a way to follow me.... ....'Autumn enforced her dominion before Winter graciously accepted her crown'..this line is so lovely and is my favorite..if I had to choose out of the other fabulous lines. The last line helped ease the lump in my throat as this man is able to look beyond and hopefully find the peace and serenity he is looking for. This is so well written with both passion and compassion that I am compelled to read it several times. Bravo!! Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-05-09 17:06:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ah yes, Marcia. 'Tis a beauty, too, as was the one before it. We will all meet again some day is what holds us together - sane, for to lose one with never any hope of rejoining would be unbearable, I think. But yet, what choice is there? You have defined the journey we all take in metaphorical excellence, from the basics and through the seasons of the heart to the ending, or should I say, a new beginning as Spring blossoms forth. Super job. Peace. wrl
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