This Poem was Submitted By: Edwin John Krizek On Date: 2004-06-17 07:34:56 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Shadows of Youth When I was young
the world looked like
a multi-colored maple
in full bloom
in the spring.
My eyes were wide
with anticipation
of each picture
the planet would present.
I could hear
the music of life
pulsing
through endless iterations
of notes.
Flowers, birds, beetles, snakes, spiders
were all new
and had something special to tell.
At night streetlights showed the way
to smoky jazz clubs and restaurants.
In the mornings
I slept ‘til noon
without effort or guilt.
Remembering how things were
I read my own journals and cry;
moved by my own supercilious
and trite commentary.
(Cliches are meaningful
to the uninitiated and uninformed.)
Out of time and place
my memories linger;
hovering over my middle-aged head
like a halo.
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Copyright © June 2004 Edwin John Krizek
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-07-04 11:06:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Edwin,
At what point in our lives do we lose the enthusiasum of life? Perhaps we really
don't lose it we just tone it down a bit and see less new wonders everyday....'my
eyes were wide of anticipation of each picture....very profound statement and so true.
Youth is so wonderful as everyday in ever way we discover such wonders but sadly as we
age the newness wears off and we fine ourselves reflecting back on those lost days of
our young years....'music of life pusling through endless iterations of notes'...love this
line...music and life both pulse...'I slept till noon without effort or guilt'...truer
words were never spoken...I am lucky to sleep past 5:30am!...'I read my own journals and
cry'...sadness in this line...or maybe resignation that youth has passed and now the
aches & pains of middle age begins...'my memories linger, hovering over my head like
a middle-aged halo. ENjoy your memories as no one can ever take them away...they
will belong to you forever.
Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-07-01 00:40:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.13333
I’d love to say that I don’t get this poem, but I do. Although when I read over things I wrote when I younger, I laugh. I was kind of expecting a nature related metaphor at the end of the poem instead of a more spiritual one. Upon examining the choice closer I see that the poem takes us through your growth by eloquently and subtly demonstrating it with strong visual images that we all can recognize. So that we are left feeling that you are more spiritual as an adult then when you were younger and more rooted in solid things.
The brackets were the only things that really threw me off. To me they detracted from the poem's power. Just my opinion though. Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem.
Kay-Ren
P.S. We can still go to jazz clubs.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-06-19 15:42:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ed:
Nice to encounter another of your poems. I am relieved that the
members have opted for shorter crits; this way, I may see more
poems and not use so much of my time with one.
Your opening lines include a fine simile of the world as a fully-
blooming tree. My maples never bloom but do turn magical colors
in the fall.
Your next sentences employ alliteration with the p sound. I especially
like: "the music of life pulsing through endless iterations of notes."
During youth, you say everything was new and exciting; there was something
special in everything. And then we learn a bit of cynicism, become jaded,
everything's been done before.
You look back and find you were "supercilious and trite". I think it's more
a naivte than superciliousness or then again, maybe we all suffer the
arrogance of youth.
IMO, the parentheses do not add but distract.
"Out of time and place
my memories linger;
hovering over my middle-aged head
like a halo."
Lovely ending, an epiphany of sorts, for it was the memories of your youth
that put the halo on your head. From cliche to blessing. One of the ways we grow
and become more self-actualized. To learn from history is not over-rated and
certainly rare when we look at this country's history.
And yet, that is what you achieve herein. Ergo, a lyric poem with a plethora
of wisdom. Very nicely accomplished.
My best,
Mell
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-06-18 02:22:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Hi Edwin,
This is a great poem reminiscing your youthful countenance. I like the presentation.
It is very straight to the point with no trace of vebosity. The shadows of my youth
is still fresh and still in the making of the shadow because I am still in my early 20's.
In youthful days, it is really refreshing and energizing. Everything is in activity.
I like the view of youth in your first input: "multi-colored maple
in full bloom in the spring"-- it splendid and really "vernal". Your description is also
very appropriate when you say "music of life pulsing through endless iterations
of notes" --- wonderful descriptor. As youthful as it should be!
I like the ending, too.
"Out of time and place
my memories linger;
hovering over my middle-aged head
like a halo."
Something in you is still youthful and vibrant. That is your poetry.
Thanks for envigorating my senses through this vernal piece, Edwin.
Warm regards,
Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-06-17 19:18:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.50000
Dear EJK,
A poem well done in retrospect of life lived, brings to mind a sense of peace & security while lingering
in the past of what seemed to be the axis of ones youth. Nicely stated in a way that warms the reader, while reminising with you. Personally I'd omit the parentheses because I think they take away from the structue of your poem. Perhaps go with hyphens instead if your intention is to just isolate these specific thoughts.
I like the way you wrote the ending, especially "hovering over my middle-aged head like a halo", because it leaves an impact on the reader, good imagery in that line.
Theres nothing else I would change, it was easily comprehended and a joy to read.
Sincerely,
DeniMari
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