This Poem was Submitted By: Michael N. Fallis On Date: 2004-06-25 15:28:20 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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INSIDE MY HEAD

As I grow old I canít believe  And wonder how it fits All the stuff inside my head;  Fragmented little bits Sometimes I guess thereís just too much;  Spills past my lips from head Replaced by memories of what just slipped  with regrets for what I said Sometimes good things will filter out And make me quite a hero Sometimes theyíll gush & blush my cheeks And make me feel like zero Thereís stuff in there that shines brightly And Demons in dark spaces Whichever one works itís way out Depends on what my face is I wonder in my twilight Why my head has not yet burst As I drink-in every tidbit With a never ending thirst BUT What strikes me most in whatís up there  Is not how much it holds; Itís the fact I thought I knew it all At just 18 years old!

Copyright © June 2004 Michael N. Fallis

Additional Notes:
Just for fun....


This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-07-01 11:13:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.57692
Mike, Since it's "[j]ust for fun": I liked the idea of the head holding things. 'Tis true. Sometimes a straw would be better than a tongue. Or a pen. But that wouldn't be as much fun. Quite ugly, actually. See, critiquing can be "just for fun" too. Good point. Necessary, very, at times. Especially here. Mark


This Poem was Critiqued By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-06-30 16:37:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hello Mike; Welcome to TPL. I am on a quest to write some short and pithy commentary on the wonderful works here this month. The summer time is a slow time on TPL, so I hope that you won't get too discouraged with the small number of critiques you might receive during this season. First...writing anything for fun is my passion, so I can relate to heavily rhymed poems like this that reek (in a positive way) of humor. Your story in a poem of realization sounds all too familiar, yet it is written in your unique fashion and therefore provides me with connecting imagery...form a personal standpoint, I thank you for bringing back the memories...good and bad damn you! The beats in your rhythm are excellent. The four line stanzas work well...and the painful truth of what you write is cleverly disguised as amusing. I hope to see many more of your offerings. Mick
This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-06-29 15:04:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.90000
This is now forever a favorite of mine. I loved it!!! It had me nodding in agreement and then it made me laugh out loud. I loved the lighthearted rhyme scheme that I could almost tap my foot to. This is a poem that I can easily see circulating the world in emails. Is it okay if I print it out and read it to my spouse, my mother-in-law and my eldest son, please? Iím sorry I canít find any thing wrong with your poem. I donít have any suggestions for improvements. I think itís perfect just the way it is. Thank you for writing and sharing this awesome poem! Iím still smiling. Karen Ann Jacobs aka Kay-Ren
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-06-26 12:35:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70588
Hi Micheal, I want to welcome you to TPL as I don't think I have done that...hope you stay with us! You are right this piece is a lot of fun. I read it more than once and found myself relating to every line. Why did we think we were so smart at 18? But then as we grew and matured our parents suddenly became ever so wise. I am a grandmother (married when I was 12...just kidding) and sometimes I too think there is way too much stuff inside my head and then some I know is there and I can't get it out....'there's stuff in there that shines brightly and demons in dark places'..love these lines as the sound of ringing truth is ever so loud! Your ending is perfect as it personifies the thoughts of all of us over the age of 18! Thanks for making my day with this witty and fun piece! Peace....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-06-25 17:19:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Michael: I've not seen your poetry before today but I've been out a lot myself. Happy you are here if your poems are anything like this one. Great title: "Inside My Head"....making me hopeful of a metaphysical journey. Stanza2, you ruminate about getting all the message, all the musings, the bits, the regrets contained in one small space. Sometimes it's worthy material that must be cast aside and sometimes. it is a sentence here, phrases there that burst and you feel a zero. S4, line 3: no apostrophe in its. And you wind down with: I wonder in my twilight Why my head has not yet burst As I drink in every tidbit With a never-ending thirst. Your epiphany in the final stanza is sweet as the focus being on how much you thought you knew at eighteen when the common question is what is there. I hope I got this correct. Your poem can be interpreted in diverse ways, using differing formats but I like the one you chose. This is quite appealing to me and the poet obviously does a lot of thinking on the state of the universe. I hope to find more of same. Best wishes, Mell Morris
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