This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-08-20 04:33:05 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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japanese verse 56 (Lilac)

Let the purple blows Breath of fragrance in the air Perfumes the garden

Copyright © August 2004 Erzahl Leo M. Espino

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-08-31 18:06:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Let the purple blow[-s] Breath of fragrance in the air Perfumes the garden Indeed it does. I remeber how lilacs scented the gardens of my youth - although I have not smelled one for years. There is no other flower so evocative I think. Thanks for the finely crafted reminder of that scent. Best Rach

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-08-31 09:14:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Good morning my friend.......what beauty you present with this Haiku and the smell of its aroma fills the air around us.....I have three lilac bushes in the back of my yard, off from my deck yet close enough to my kitchen window to allow the aroma to filter within when in full bloom........sweet and lovely they are....... you have captured the essence of the lilac in all its glory. good form, right word flow, nothing to be added or taken away. Thanks for posting, be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-08-27 18:07:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89474
Short and once again all three lines, connect, and interrelate. When Lilac trees start to bloom, the scent is gracious, and puts one in the mist of euphora. I remember those long ealks home and can recollect exactly where the Lilac trees are located. This poem serves as a wonderful, well written reminder that the beauty created by God, can affect you into old age (I should know that for I've witnessed this beauty all my life. This poems scent is carried in your more then apt proclaimation, andonce agaig it's beautiful. (Is there a book ready yet?, I hope so, I'd love to add it to my collection, of poems that create sensation and wonderful memories. Best E. it must be beautiful in the Phippipines. God Bless and watch over a special talent....Jo Morgan
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-08-26 14:37:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.12000
I keep churning purple blows over in my mind and have a tough time making sense of it , I get it if it should be blow, but maybe its just me
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-08-21 03:04:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76923
Erzahl--I've just finished reviewing a first time post of haiku from another poet (JMU) whom I'm sure you've influenced in this form. Enough serious stuff, let's talk about your piece. Being a live plant fanatic, I appreciate all their different colored blossoms and the scents they provide, especially night blooming jasmine. If the odor of your "Lilac" is as strong as jasmine, then this garden will definitely be aromatic. This is a superb example of a simple scene from nature which you've penned in your own unique way. Thanks for sharing this "image" with us TPLers. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-08-20 21:53:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Erzahl, nice to see more of these from you. I do enjoy this form, but I am afraid this one appeared a little vague and disconnected. Is "blows" a noun or a verb, as well as "let" - with (you) understood, or implied, to be the subject in L1? If blows is, as I expect, referring to lilacs, then how to make the sense from it? "Blows" is plural, so if connected to the verb "perfumes", the tense is not right. The other 2 lines might be okay without L1 as it stands, but aren't "fragrance" and "perfumes" a bit too similar, leading almost to redundancy? Hope I didn't burst any bubbles with this nit-picking, but I truly think this one needs to be re-worked a little. Just my honesty showing through. I've tried to conjure up some alternatives, but will have to leave that to the one who wishes to convey the experience, for I was not in "the garden" at the time. ;>) I wish you well, and have enjoyed your many verses. wrl (I know I will be in the minority on this one, but whatever wil be, will be.)
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-08-20 15:13:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
Hi Erzahl, Ahhhhh there you are! I have not seen a poem from you on my list for a long time, I am sure the reason is you have so many fans of your work that four crits and they are at the bottom....I wish we could change that rule. This is another lovely haiku at which you are the master! let the purple blows......I am so fond of purple in my flower fact just today I bought some purple iris to plant this fall. And the color purple is so deep it looks black. So this first line is music to my ears as I let my mind wander in purple. breath of fragrance in the does only take a breath from flower petals to fill the air...the aroma just wafts above and brings calm from the gardens. Such a beautiful thought...what can be more serene than standing in flowers and inhaling beauty....everything else pales in comparrison. perfumes the garden..............exactly...perfumes, calms, beautifies, and lets us know we are alive to partake of His wonders. Thanks for posting this is a joy to read and mull over to this flower lover! Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-08-20 08:43:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40000
Erzahl, the way you phrase this poem the reader can smell the color purple-to me it is the scent of lilacs in the spring and that scent became very strong while I read your poem even though there are no lilacs here. That is what good poetry is supposed to do so overall I think this is great. I had a little problem with the word let in the first line I was confused but the rest of the poem more than made up for that. Sandra
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