This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-09-08 20:37:23 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Fairyland I stroll along a tranquil path
in search of a mystic fairyland
where the leas are bright with sward.
Where the undraped night be-starred
with jewels and fairies float with
bewitched birds to the end of time.
My fantasy is trees of chime and
fancy grasses beneath my feet and
flowers be-laden with fairy dust.
I drink in the silent warmth of calm
spying the fingers of dawn unfold upon
the land and nudge the edge of night.
*
*
*
*
In the light I see meadows sick with weeds
buffeted by blowing winds that
chase the scurrying leaves. I hear
my footsteps trudge on pseudo sand
and my disenchanted heartbeats sag as
my hopes fade in the saffron sun.
There is no fairyland |
|
Copyright © September 2004 marilyn terwilleger
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2004-10-07 09:33:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80556
Marilyn,
You have written this poem from a very interesting standpoint. For quite some time in my life, especially as a girl, I loved the mysticism behind the thoughts of a real fairyland. I'm still quite the hopeless romantic, but I think I'm more common sense now (smile).
I like the way that this poem unfolds and to add the little stars (asterics) within, was such a creative additive for the poem. Actually, I thought it would have been really interesting to see those stars in between each stanza in a sparsed pattern.
*
*
*
*
*
That was a really great idea to even include them, and it added a "fairy" airy type feeling to your poem.
So, you must know that I was disappointed to get to the end and discover that "there is no fairyland." (smile).
Thanks for sharing this one at TPL this month. It was refreshing to read, and just what I needed this morning. After reading on such heavy themes, it's always wonderful to run into a subject that's light and low, but so very creative. Great poem.
Latorial
www.latorial.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-10-02 23:49:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57143
This poem took me to a height of beauty and lushness that I long for and cherish whenever I glimpse it. Then your poem brought me down and showed me the horror that so often is allowed to thrive instead. I had to remind myself, though, that even though Fairy isn’t always visible, weeds have beautiful flowers too. Gazing deeper I can see that our outlooks are reflected in this poem as well. Everything is rosy when things are good and something happens to turn it ugly.
The only thing I would suggest is that maybe the asterisks aren’t needed. Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem.
Kay
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-09-14 14:32:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Marilyn–I should have known by the title this piece was going to be trouble-smile.
This poem is at least dualistic in it’s rendering of the speaker’s trek in quest of an
idealistic place: her/his utopia is vividly described in glowing terms sequentially thru
the first four strophes.
However, by waking from this extraordinary “dream” (my favorite lines of the allegory)
“I drink in the silent warmth of calm spying the fingers of dawn unfold upon the land
and nudge the edge of night” (what a great metaphor/expression for daybreak). And,
what an outstanding twist/turn brought on by the revelation; “In the light I see meadows
sick with weeds buffeted by blowing winds...”: I hear my footsteps trudge on pseudo
sand and my disenchanted heartbeats sag...” (This is awfully powerful stuff!)
Yes, this diversion caused a returning to the “real world” with all our imperfections:
dregs of society/wars/inhumanities to each other/violations of nature, etc., etc. actually
knocked the protagonist for quite a loop.
The poetess has created an eclectic array of emotions which evoke(s) from reader(s)
gigantic highs and unbelievable lows. The sad ending truth (there is no nirvana); “There
is no fairyland.” The finality offered by the last line is pure pessimism. Thanks for the
images. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-09-12 14:37:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Marilyn:
This is an exquisite poem, for it allows me to see something which is
crucial to survival in the 21st Century. This may not be your intent
for the piece, but it gave me an excellent gift of insight, thus:
There IS no fairyland, as you have said in your final line, if our
vision fails. For then we are without that one faculty which poets,
artists and visionaries share. We sense and see beauty in the so-called
ordinary, infer meaning from the simplest events, draw sustenance where
there seems to be famine. We create a world within and on the page which
gives life to our imaginations. We take it with us wherever we go; but
when we no longer believe in its gift, it disappears. That's what's
been happening to this reader over the last few days since the news
of the potential disbanding of TPL on the Forum. I forgot that poetry
is not about a website, but about a certain gift of grace for seeing
within and without what cannot be seen any other way. The first part
of your poem elegantly demonstrates this gift, and the second part
depicts life without it. I am grateful for your reminded that it is
a quality of soul, and not a web address that makes this real for me.
I stroll along a tranquil path
in search of a mystic fairyland
where the leas are bright with sward.--a brilliant example of the "magic" of poetry
Where the undraped night be-starred --sublime imagery
with jewels and fairies float with
bewitched birds to the end of time.--we escape time when we switch to the altered state of poetry
My fantasy is trees of "chime" and (wonderful! -both the sound and the implication of harmony
fancy grasses beneath my feet and--love "fancy grasses" assonance
flowers be-laden with fairy dust. (I will never give these up as long as I draw breath)
I drink in the silent warmth of calm
spying the fingers of dawn unfold upon
the land and nudge the edge of night.---you are a veritable Gerard Manley Hopkins here
From his "Ash-Boughs"
"Not of all my eyes see, wandering on the world,
Is anything a milk to the mind so, so sighs deep
Poetry to it, as a tree whose boughs break in the sky."
*
*
*
*
Like tears, or the obverse of stars, these asterisks foretell loss:
In the light I see meadows sick with weeds
buffeted by blowing winds that
chase the scurrying leaves. I hear
my footsteps trudge on pseudo sand
and my disenchanted heartbeats sag as
my hopes fade in the saffron sun.
It is the relinquishment of hope, which "fades" even in the presence of the
luminous "saffron sun" that tells me that I must rally, and let my feelings
of disenchantment go. Writing will not stop, our poetic vision must not be
ignored, nor or hopes allowed to die. We are 'sagging' to be sure, but together
can find another way to keep alive the spirit of poetry within our Poetic Link
family, even if we are eventually known by another name. Thank you Marilyn,
for your wisdom and talent. I'm not giving you up, nor poetry, nor a way to
continue what has become as essential for me as any other life-sustaining
activity.
Brava!
In friendship & appreciation,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-09-11 20:05:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Marilyn,
I can feel the desire of the writer to find this mystical place - to be able to live what can only be imagined, in thoughts and words. When we were young we could do that - easily - through books and movies along with our hearts pretending it was all real. It's the feeling you display in this piece that I enjoyed. The last verse is my favorite - the ultimate let down of not finding what you were looking for and the realization that there is no fairyland.
You have a beautiful imagination and a wonderful poem.
Sincerely,
DeniMari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-09-10 18:08:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
My Dear Marilyn,
I haven't even looked at the forum and I think it's all over but I've
enjoyed your poetry so why stop now? It truly has been a life saver for
me since I'm so immobilized. I thought he was tired of the yipping and the
constant power-struggle.
He heard a alot last night and everyone has become so frustrated with
the site, he's ready to chunk 1t. (Chris). Enuf of that and your poem
directly adds to our loss.
I MADE GRAMMATIC ERRORS OR SPEling errors throughput but I',
m havine a harder day then usual. Your poem is lovely but watching is sad.
"There is no fairyland + there is no poetic link."
I hope you are wrong. I also see that the flowers, jewels and fairies
disappear and the end sounds like a vast wasteland.
I'm VERY tired, More later.
Mell
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-09-08 21:51:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.60000
is this a comparison between the dream\fantasy and the reality which falls short of such lofty expectations, I esp. contrast the line:
I stroll along a tranquil path
in search of a mystic fairyland
with
my footsteps trudge on pseudo sand
and my disenchanted heartbeats sag
I enjoyed this very much Thanks for posting and allowing me to comment
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