Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-10-04 13:48:11 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

pernicious anomaly

anomie from sous understanding, society sloughed to debris; my pen now rendering anemic fare: timid lymph or spasms of plasma; whey the way to tender loving care. to think is not extinct: cogito ergo, you know. a thesaurus is not dinosaurus so fetch it. not a wretched task I ask: nothing weak in seeking an unheard word. iron will is mine like a vein of ore newly claimed; thus I will write sane or inane verse once more. I'll ignore insipid comments that chastise. my pen again drips blood... that never dries.

Additional Notes:
This is one of the first poems I wrote as an adult and would like to hear any changes you note in comparison to my current poems. Thank you in advance.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-11-06 11:09:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76190
Dear Mell What I see here is that while your style and delivery then versus now are alike in that you were using slant rhyme and different because you used less punctuation then you do presently. There is an unmistakable sense of determinedness here like: "I'm going to take my stand and kind of a "I am Woman Hear Me Roar". Now, I feel you are more resigned and subtle. Note I said "more", meaning leaning closer that way. Not that I would ever accuse you of giving up the good fight! :) Thanks for sharing this piece. I enjoyed reading it as I do all your work. BLessings, JEnnifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-10-25 11:40:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mell- What did I notice? Passion... Then, too I note that your drawl is less noticeable, which is helpful to a Minnesotan who listens for walleyes slapping at the dock - not rhymes, not metaphorically inspired verse, not this. Those who sidle up to the buck and doe, hunters who linger in the glow of nature with admiration - they will get some of this, though. Did I note that your bibs are hugging the buns a bit tighter this year? Must be the matter of the batter, not the bitterness of the beer. But then again, I'm a walleyer, and what do I know about words, or poets, or Texans on fire, or beer, or verbs? This one certainly has you all over it. Glad you marched it out of the archives. We all know and love this sound! Hell, it sounds just like you! Even then you had the holy gift. Thanks alot for the little lift. t.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2004-10-19 16:05:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Dear Mell; In this poem we find shades of the willful woman determined to find her expression....come what may... insolently expressing her desire to speak her truth as she sees it, regardless of the scorn or edits of what she perceives as the pedantic majority... nevertheless onward she marches thesaurus and dictionary in hand, replacing bible and torch... Great start...and better ones we know have followed. ..You go Girl!! Always your friend, Gerard

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-10-11 15:53:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Mell–Intriguing title is an absolute understatement and the subsequent metaphors present fresh imagery of a rebel with a cause (smile). I was expecting something different form a self proclaiming scriber of Free Verse, so imagine my pleasant surprise at this permeation of witty rimes with double intents (IMO). Others on TPL have put forth their precepts of this art form (myself in- cluded), but yours didn’t offer a slanted view/premise, but an adamant assurance to not only compose in the moment (free from restrictions and sanctions), but do so regardless of consequences. I’ve always found your postings and responses equally gracious in their effort to entertain, embrace and engage the human spirit: this piece from the past serves as a testimony to your propensity to be true to self, even today. I feel privileged to be able to read your poetry (and sometimes understand it) and have you tactfully respond when reviewing my work(s). I’ve attempted to render my purview per your notes. Thanks for this com- pelling “ars poetica.” TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-10-10 15:32:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Dear Mell: It's very interesting to read one of your first poems. It's a great idea, in fact. I wonder if other writers would submit some of their early works -- not so much for the contest as to acquaint readers with their first attempts, and to compare with their present styles? In this poem, you sound like yourself as I have come to 'hear' your poetic voice. Beginning with the first word - there's a sense of unrest, of alienation, of exotic realms to be visited. The French flavor of "anomie" and "sous" is very evident. "Unrest from below" is the way I might translate it, or unrest from 'alienated understanding' perhaps. The soft sounds in "sous/society/sloughed", the sibilance captures the sense of a somewhat liquid substance, maybe a kind of 'muck' if you will pardon the expression. It (the substance) is now "debris" -- another word of French origin. The rather attenuated lines differ from your current choice of form. This is an interesting format, and I find myself reading quite curiously to see how the "Mell" I have come to know and cherish differs from her earlier self, because without doubt, we change over time. But perhaps we change in ways that are distinguishable to a perceptive eye only as 'ourselves' if you will. For example, over time, from childhood on, our handwriting changes, but it is still recognizably 'ours' as we begin to form our t-crosses, loops, and i-dots at an early age in a certain characteristic style and with recognizable energy (or lack thereof). I can 'sense' the Mell I have come to expect in your poetry here. my pen now rendering anemic fare These words evoke a kind of wonder, and also curiosity. If the speaker's pen now renders "anemic fare" what was it like before? Was it, as I think the speaker implies, more full-blooded, more passionate? It has now, as you show us in the following lines, more timorous: timid lymph or spasms of plasma; whey the way to tender loving care. Your euphonious sound is there evident, much as I suspect Lous "Satchmo" Armstrong's signature tones were likely evident even before he began to play the trumpet, back when he was a cornetist in New Orleans and Mississippi riverboat bands. Your slant-rhyme in "timid/lymph" and especially "spasms/plasma" and the witty "whey the way" are pure Mell-O to this reader's ear as I read the piece aloud. A thin fluid seems to flow its way to "tender loving care" and piques my curiosity once more. to think is not extinct: cogito ergo, you know Witty, rather self-deprecating: if I take these lines as 'self-talk', and the underlying musicality, in a kind of rap beat, lets me hear you being you even then. a thesaurus is not dinosaurus so fetch it. not a wretched task I ask: nothing weak in seeking an unheard word. Hmmm. These lines are prophetic, in my estimation. Some critiques of your work have referenced your enormous vocabulary, perhaps in a tone with implications that you use exotic words. I love your expansive vocabulary! Here, we hear the seedling poet exhorting herself to delve into the thesaurus for language which is living, vivid, dramaturgic. Your love of words for their sounds and their complex meanings and origins shows itself in these lines. I'll ignore insipid comments that chastise. Yes, the younger Mell had a vast vocabulary, too -- and while diffident at times, there was even then an underlying fire. The necessary strength of soul and self to ignore the "insipid" and the chastisement over a comma or a word not heard. (You go, girl!) my pen again drips blood... that never dries. The fluid theme continue, but now becomes, instead of lymph or plasma, "again drips blood" and the speaker/writer tells us that she will not be daunted by the less courageous and faint-hearted. There's a sense of wounded pride, but indefatiguable determination to continue to speak with her God-given voice, write with her muse guiding -- not with an eye to pleasing a certain audience, but with integrity to the self that must speak, must write to breath. What you wrote in the closing lines speaks especially to me, as there is a living quality about a poem, about our words, about our 'word-children' that has a certain presence and, if I may use this expression, right-to-life. I feel that whenever I submit something anywhere. Whether anyone likes it or does not, it comes from me, from the totality of my experience and creative drive. It may not be the best poem I can write, but it is the poem I am writing at this moment and has something to say, and I hope, worthy of respect for the effort. Your clearly stated credo, as I understand it is: These words are written in my blood. Recognize that they come from within the tenderest, most vulnerable core of me, but I am not to be trifled with. Read them and move on, or read them and understand. Don't be afraid to let yourself experience a bit of my world, and then, kind reader, recall that "iron will is mine" for I am sturdier than any attempt you may make to discourage me. I may be all wet here, and if so, please forgive. I take great strength from these lines from a younger Mell, and from every line of her writing now. You subtly inform the reader not to diminish the poet for expression of the self. We live in our lines. Amen! Brava! Red roses tossed, fully red ones that are not anemic but filled with intense light and life. Always, your admiring audience Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-10-08 17:46:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mell, What I think is this....you were a great poet before you became a great poet! When I read the title I immediately thought of pernicious anemia (being the medical person that I am) but then I was amazed that you apprently thought of that term too. You carry the theme of anemia through out using ....'anemic fare (you never write in an anemic fashion) lymps..plasma..spasms'...also 'whey the way' is inventive and quite clever. Then in the second stanza your humor shows through..telling us to look in the dictionary, even tho it may be ancient, and look up your words if we don't understand them!...'not a wretched task I ask: nothing weak in seeking a unheard word'...oh..this is so good...every time I read that line I grin. 'Iron will is mine'...never lose that...then you once again give us the delight of your wry humor....'thus I will write sane or inane verse once more.' I'll ignore insipid ( I have always loved that word as it sounds like you are telling someone off by saying they are insipid and most don't understand it anyway) that chastise. 'my pen again drips blood that never dries.' Even tho I like this poem very much and think that it personifies some of the critiques one receives on this site, even I can see how you have grown by leaps and bounds as a poet. Your work is very polished now which is one thing I personally admire about your writing and something that I am still striving to accomplish. The one thing I love most about this paticular piece is the humor...maybe I am the only one that sees that but to me it is so delightful and I hope to see that once again from your talented pen. I hope you are having a better day...I had an MRI today... did I tell you that?....Hell I am getting so old I can't remember what I did yesterday and don't even ask me what I said. You continue to amaze me with your gift of the written word...don't stop. Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-10-04 15:29:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
This older poem of yours stricks me as cute but lacking the depth I see in your work now, While this is fun to read (I went back and read your last three), I don't get an idea from this one to take with me on this one. Thanks for letting me read and comment.

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!