This Poem was Submitted By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2004-10-20 22:48:07 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © October 2004 Debbie Spicer
The leaf laughs at me
As the rake holds it secure
See the others near?
Out raking leaves today and they just kept on falling...
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-11-05 23:19:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90698
Whoa! Your really surprised me with this one! I didn't know that you wrote
haiku - and not only that - that you capture the playfulness and tender
humor that often mark the very best. The light-hearted way you begin
with "the leaf laughs at me" brought me instantly into the moment,
forgetting anything but the image. The personification of this leaf
is like the many 'things' in life that seem to laugh at our efforts
at mastery or dominion. The leaf isn't taking this personally, that
the rake "holds it secure" and points out that one just can't win.
And in realizing this, one is free to enjoy the bounty and crispness
of the leaves themselves, the fresh air and the activity. This work
reminds me favorably of the poet Yosa Buson, one of the four great
masters of haiku. There are layers of allusion built into the three
lines here which are absolutely boundless. I am very caught up in
this brief, intense work, and yet feel freed by it. Thank you for
this completely delightful work! Brava!
My best always,
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-10-23 05:51:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62162
Debbie--Definitely seasonal and apt with all requirements met (three lines;
17 syllables; nature themed). Nice metaphoric haiku with excellent personifi-
cation. Anyone having raked leaves can attest to them seeming to get some fun
from frustrating the raker(s), especially when being blown by the wind.
Always good to see attempts at different genres. Thanks for sharing your timely
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2004-10-21 22:12:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.59615
This is absolutely cute and adorably. I think the font that you chose really adds flavor to the haiku.
Leaves (I think it's wise to continue to give haiku one word titles).
The leaf laughs at me (I love the alliteration of the l's here, and I think that in the first line of the haiku is where the actual tone of the poem is set. I actually pictures leaves laughing, and I smiled. So this first line accomplishes a lot even if you didn't set out to do it. My mind became a pool of animation at the thought of leaves laughing. I pictured a Disney version of a big brown lead, with eyes and a smile just chitter chattering and looking around).
As the rake holds it secure. (this also brings another flavor to the picture)
see the others near? And here you continue the personification of the leaves. They not only smile, but they also see.
I think that haiku are wonderful to write, and to see a good haiku means that there is a serious writer with some honed skills behind it. They're not all that easy to write. Anybody can write three lines with the appropriate syllables, but to come up with something zesty, creative and intriguing, takes talent. You have expressed great talent in this one. Thanks for sharing it at TPL. Good job.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-10-21 14:59:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
I like this haiku...you have satisfied all the requirements with the 5,7,5
sylables in 3 lines. This is such a trickey form of poetry and very challanging...I try
one now and then but I never think they are any good. I like the theme of this one
and anyone who has ever raked leaves will relate to it. Good job....keep writing!
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-10-21 08:38:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.90909
Leaves turn in the yard
windmills of fire raining
THats my take on leaves , of course I'm not yet contemplating the raking as you have, Thanks for letting me read and comment.
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