This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2004-11-01 02:11:33 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Finale
Please curse me now for I can’t live like this,
On all sides re-apprised of all that’s wrong
In your each day each minute all day long
So curse me now for I can’t live like this.
Curse me this day if that’s what you must do
To heal the wounded heart you say I left—
The truth is that it was already cleft—
Curse me this day if that’s what you must do.
Curse me or fly, but let there be an end
To wringing your despair before my face:
Your life is yours, it cannot be replaced.
Curse me or fly, but let there be an end.
So curse me now if you would have release.
My guilt is mine, and yours is yours, alone.
And I, accepting this, forsook my home—
Please curse me now if you would have release.
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Copyright © November 2004 Mark Andrew Hislop
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-11-29 20:58:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
MAH:
Perfect rhyme and meter but cannot recall the name of the form. Reminds of a pantoum.
The ending, the finale, the coda seems overdue. I actually do not understand
this piece for how could anyone live in this misery when they have a choice?
I can understand choices become difficult if there are children or illness but someone
staying to torture the other person? That's what it sounds as if she's doing, pointing to each and every fault or misstep, and your saying "I can't go on like this."
Then, if you've already "forsook" (love it) her, why doesn't she retreat gracefully?
Actually after a bit, I become aggravated with poet because he demands she curse him
in order to finish the marriage or arrangement.
Then I think it's some sort of game Aussies play "to curse me then fly" ....if you would
have release. That line is quite memorable but I don't know from where. I cannot believe you eschewed "surcease" in the last stanza.
(By the bye, I don't assume you & poet are the same.) This site, much as I love it, has
members who take everything literally and say to me, "Now, Mell, you can't think that!"
Well, this has gotten on my nerves sufficiently that I will sign off. To evoke the senses in
another is supposedly the aim of poetry but with the reasons I cited, it's getting next to me.
Ergo, a brilliant poet/poem.
Thanks for taxing my brain and I wish you'd do a few crits, too.
Best wishes,
Mell (I enormously enjoy your poetry as I think you know).
This Poem was Critiqued By: Robert Wyma On Date: 2004-11-22 13:16:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
An honest emotional dialogue captured in this write. I enjoyed the short focussed stanza's with the subtle ABBA rhyme which for me clearly establishes the mood. I have no suggestions for improvement. Well constructed Mark.
Robert
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-11-10 15:29:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mark,
I have this read this piece several times and each time I try to dig deeper into
the words. I feel despair and frustration in the words...it is over so lets get on
with our seperate lives and don't keep looking back and trying to resurrect what is
already dead. The repetition of 'curse me' is very effective as it intensifies in each
stanza and gives me the impression that this break can never be healed....'curse me or
fly but let there be an end to wringing your despair before my face.'....'I accepting this
forsook my home' These two lines have a definite impact on this reader. I know you are
divorced and I think you have written this piece about that split between your wife and
yourself...I suppose it could be another relationship but I can't help but feel this
is about divorce and not just the end of a relationship. I read it to mean you walked
out on her, for whatever reason, because there was no more hope for the two of you. If
I have this all wrong I give you permission to laugh at me for being such a hopeless
romantic! Anyway I hope you have healed from the sorrow of divorce and have moved on.
Oh yes....have you taken Lulu to dinner?? This is another great piece of writing which
is what I have come to expect from you.
Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-11-03 13:06:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
This poem read like a Metallica song, haunting, dark, and powerful. Have you thought about making the title “Curse Me Now”? In the poem, “curse me now” is a phrase that brings the images of a man being beaten but still challenging his tormentors, because he hasn’t been and won’t be broken. I’m so sorry for the circumstances that caused this pain, but this poem expresses a fighting spirit that will go on. Hang on to that and write on!
Kay-Ren
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-11-02 13:17:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mark:
I cannot read this and remain silent. (I do read all of your poetry.) My internal
responses may perhaps not be relevant to this poem. They reflect my own experiences
and biases, and also considerable respect for your abilities. If I were to sort out
those qualities which affect me most in your writing, I think they would have to be
your authenticity and also refinement. Craft is as strong in this work as your others.
The repeated "curse me" affects me with its searing anguish. I think that the rhyme
scheme you've chosen here, within the 'In Memoriam' stanzas, is exquisitely apropos.
On all sides re-apprised of all that’s wrong
In your each day each minute all day long
The painfulness of awareness of "all that's wrong" and its reiteration
seems to lengthen subjective time. This psychological slowing of time
can be likened to having a root canal or waiting for a loved one who
is enduring surgery. "each day/each minute/all day long" are like
relentless heartbeats, throbbing within an unbearable toothache.
To heal the wounded heart you say I left—
The truth is that it was already cleft—
The dilemma of the "wounded heart" aches within this stanza -- impossible
for either party to simply cut the ties. There is an umbilicus of emotion
still pulsing with what remains of the life of the relationship, mourning
for what once was or might have been between these two.
Curse me or fly, but let there be an end
To wringing your despair before my face:
Your life is yours, it cannot be replaced.
Curse me or fly, but let there be an end.
I think that the fixed form here is an excellent container for such intensity.
The refrain of "curse me" within the restrained form seems ever more powerful
with each repetition.
So curse me now if you would have release.
My guilt is mine, and yours is yours, alone.
And I, accepting this, forsook my home—
Please curse me now if you would have release.
Your word choice, meter, phrasing -- all offer coloration and shading to the work,
so that the tone of the piece carries the freight of human emotion in extremis. I
think the phrase that I found most piercing is "forsook my home" -- to this reader
it feels heroically understated.
Mark, this is an excellent poem. The best writing, IMO, comes from that which
rips into the very fabric of our being. Would that it were not so. This is
really superb writing, although I realize that if this is your situation, my
comments will but offer very small consolation.
Bravo!
All my best,
Joanne
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