This Poem was Submitted By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-01-02 19:00:44 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Old Friend

I hope I come to know you before we leave that it won't be somewhere between  heaven or hell and my dreams that we learn  to be civil, silly or resilient  there's little time in life yet we make too much to hate and take too long to hasten  to hills where faults are forgiven I hope I meet you there perhaps totally unaware but if we never meet again remember, I am a friend  

Copyright © January 2005 Latorial D. Faison

Additional Notes:
no punctuation intended

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-02-03 21:30:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Latorial: As an aside, I read all of your poems; in my head I have whole conversations with you about them. It would be ideal in some ways if there were some 'instant' way of copying down all of those thoughts to be shared with the poet that we think when reading their writings. Over time, reading your poems I've definitely placed you in the category (as if friends needed categories!) of poet-friend. A friend to her friends, a friend to poets, and a friend to me when we exchange thoughts about writing and poetry. This poem makes me think about all of the friendships along the way in my own life and the conflicts, too -- and the truths of those matters which you state so succinctly in "there's little time in life yet we make too much to hate and take too long to hasten to hills where faults are forgiven" I really love these spare, pure thoughts (borrowing a phrase from Mell) and formatted as they are -- pretty irresistible. It's hard or unpleasant to think about the shortness of life, the way we sometimes 'make hate' and the lack of forgiveness between friends who quarrel oftentimes. Yet the way you present them makes it easier to accept -- "Yes, I see what she means -- yes, I've done that -- yes, she's right!" I might make a phone call tomorrow just to make certain that a friend knows what you remind me of so poignantly here. I also must comment on your choice of "to be civil, silly or resilient" and the assonance/sibilance which make this line sing, and float along right into my head. Oh, how often we forget these qualities, and what a gentle way you have of reminding us. Good manners, a sense of humor and flexibility are qualities that are being taught here in your poem. Thank you for helping me remember many important things today (yesterday, and long before that). My best always, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-01-29 14:00:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65714
But you do have ONE comma. I really don't think you need to make the notation about the punctuation. I never do and I get very little feed-back about it. Just a thought. Yes you poem rings true for me. I am at that period of my life that friends do mean a lot. And family too but I don't have many of the latter left around. I have always said that one has only one or two "best" friends in their lifetime. So true as I approach my 7th decade. I was wondering why the hills. Couldn't it just be "a place"? Thanks for this piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-01-27 09:15:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Enjoyed this one poet with all its emotions, sentiments, good structure, word flow, images as created by the flow of your pen and thoughts your words have filtered within my mind and heart..... I am a friend.......four little words that mean the world to not only I but so many others as have one good friend is worth the road travelled to arrive at the destination desired......okay enough from me...see, I might have taken a wrong road on this one but it certainly has brought my thoughts together on many things....thanks for posting and sharing your God given talent with us, be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2005-01-24 11:33:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Like the intent very much, and the way you phrased the intent. All the strong points of friendship are definately included in this poem. What struck me strongly is, we take for granted, and we do waste too much time by not declaring intentions, or to even say I love you, I'm sorry, or any of the vast statements, we need to remember that our time here is short, and everyone should be able to spend our time here, by accepting, not judghing, no class, no race is better then another, tolorance and love of fellow man is important, and understanding and accepting the differences betweeen ourselves, but everyone deserves recognization by his/her fellow being. God knew his intentions when he put each and everyone of us here, and His expectation is, acceptance and love, the strong suits for spending time together, not to waste the time with hatred, wars, or rivalary, and not being jelous, all people are precious and as such we just need to accept, not waste time with issues that have nothing to do with living a clean, decent respectful time in relationships. Love the message, asmire the presentations, and the fact you did sway away from the intent, just presenting this strong message is enought, and you did that just fine. Best wishes, good write as usual....Love Jo Morgan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2005-01-22 21:28:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Latorial, I really enjoyed this short but rich piece! I like the mysterious mood developing in the entire message. I can’t also deny the spiritual implications that I see in your words here. “that it won't be somewhere between heaven or hell” --- I can feel the sad reality of life. Someday, we will leave this place we called Earth (which I can also sense in your line “I hope I come to know you before we leave”) and to see someone there and us here brings guilty feeling... “there's little time in life yet we make too much to hate” --- Again, this is strikingly contemplating... “and take too long to hasten to hills where faults are forgiven” --- This is unforgettable! My favorite line is “hills where faults are forgiven”. I can picture the hills as the “cross of Calvary”. Moving... “I hope I meet you there perhaps totally unaware but if we never meet again remember, I am a friend” --- Touching! This is deep...deep as the still water of the sea. Again, I find your words “I hope I meet you there” spiritual. This entry can be a simple goodbye, an unresolved feelings and longingness of the good old times with a precious friend. But I see this as a call and challenge to every Christians who take for granted the sharing of gospel to friends and people that is close to our hearts. I hope I was able to get this right. :) Again, thank you for such contemplating and inspiring message. Unforgettable! As always, Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2005-01-06 16:04:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
The middle stanza here hits me most in that we rush so quickly to angered yet drag our feet to forgive, I need to find those hills, Thanks for letting me read and comment.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-01-05 12:04:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Latorial--Personally, I use punctuation sparingly and often not at all. And, in the case of your offering, it serves the piece well. Also the pausity of/placement of rimes create a pleasant suprise which enhances its rhythmn and tone. I found dual meaning in your timely post: taken at face value/as written it is a great humanistic appeal, but on the other hand as an inference to the much rumored closing of our beloved/benignant TPL site, it is a sober and poignant farewell lament. In any case and on any level, you've rendered a noteworthy reminder for us all to carry into the upcoming ear. Thanks for helping shape one of my New Years resolutions. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2005-01-03 20:42:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Latorial, Wow... absolutely wonderful - such a quiet sentiment that makes a strong impact on the reader. I hope I come to know you before we leave that it won't be somewhere between heaven or hell and my dreams that we learn to be civil, silly or resilient This stanza is powerful - full of passion and insight - almost fantasy like yet a real dream to hold in your heart. there's little time in life yet we make too much to hate and take too long to hasten to hills where faults are forgiven This is so true - we do make too much to hate - I see this happen everyday and it makes me wonder why people do not stop to count their blessings, and realize the bad comes with the good and to stop worrying about petty issues and be grateful for the life they were given. I like the ending - just a solemn statement - friendship - the kindred spirit that ties our hearts and souls together. Good writing! Sincerely, DeniMari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lynda G Smith On Date: 2005-01-03 16:14:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
There is so much of friendship in these lines, Latorial. You take us beyond the physical and the emotional and lift us to a place of possibility, a place where I love to dwell. Perhaps that is why I'm responding to this work. You cross barriers of time and consequence, without leaving the ground. You anchor us with the goals of civility, silliness and resilliency. That's a broad scope where each of us has found ourselves at one time or another and the ballancing act that keeps us centered somewhere between heaven and hell and our dreams. How we stretch and become flexible in our life relationships will always add to our knowledge. That metaphysical place where the growing edge cuts into the new, will sometimes bring discomfort, sometimes wonder, sometimes understanding, but always something new that will change us, transmogrify us out of stasis and into that maleable mind-place that is so exciting. Your use of contrast in the second verse too 'little, too much, too long, to hills'... I like your lexical use of too/to - it multiplies and flows like a river with newly discovered tributaries of sound and meaning. I would like to see greater strength in the last stanza. More an echo of the first two. That's a subjective observation and you are free to chuck it! Over all I really enjoyed this verse and I'm going to go back and read more of your work. Good work! A good beginning to the new year.... with smiles of friendship... Lynda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2005-01-02 19:27:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Latorial, I very much like the idea behind this poem. I like where the hills come in the poem and give me a sense of setting. I would like more details like this. Where are we? When are we? Who exactly are these two people? I could more deeply engage in the poem if I knew more. Thanks you for sharing, Jane
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-01-02 19:25:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Latorial, this piece has obvious sentiment, to me, and probably to many. It is a platitude that stands on its own and requires not amplification. I will jot down a few notes that strike me personally as I read it, but this is a window that already has the trappings it requires to be beautiful. Old Friend – I like this title, it presumes friendship as the norm, and the norm it should be. I hope I come to know you before we leave that it won't be somewhere between heaven or hell and my dreams that we learn to be civil, silly or resilient – You place not boundaries to the finality of civility. Your hope is for the prior, but your acceptance grants a “whatever it takes” attitude and reach. there's little time in life yet we make too much to hate – so True and take too long to hasten – here is a remedy within our control. to hills where faults are forgiven – I wish I understood the hills reference, but I immediately thought about the Bible verse “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.” It was apropos for the subject, and forgiveness certainly is the key. I hope I meet you there perhaps totally unaware but if we never meet again remember, I am a friend – And I Latorial, and I. Thank for a wonderful new years adage.
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