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This Poem was Submitted By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-01-12 03:50:53 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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These Americans

I can’t help who I am inside Or that when I cast votes the truth is not denied Because I’m tied to the blood lines of Africans I’m fighting hard to survive these Americans With their played out and pimped out politics Washington is filled with a sad lot of lunatics So I speak to and preach to my fellowmen About the need to politically be “born again” To be washed in the blood of the common man That we might gain the rights to a “promised land” Not forty acres, a mule or somebody else's dream But the right to be equal in the mainstream To go to college, get the job, make leaps and strides To be an asset to my people and from the dust rise Just listen when I tell you this is not the way Because we’re still fighting hard for a better day The matriarchs and patriarchs who guided us Didn’t get us here to be left here by us The struggle . . . it continues on everyday Don’t give in, for tomorrow is another day To get up, to live up to our heritage To free sisters and brothers from the bondage Because the fight is not over; it’s just begun There are more elections out there to be won And I can’t help who I am inside Or that when I cast votes the truth is not denied Because I’m tied to the blood lines of Africans I’m fighting hard to survive these Americans

Additional Notes:
no punctuation intended

This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-02-06 03:52:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Latorial, When I read this poem I think of my own struggles with "these Americans" and I'm not tied to the blood lines of Africans. "These Americans" for me equals corrupt politicians, as you state, corrupt corporations, as you infer, and an oppressive attitude that tries to restrict and create barriers and hurdles that are for many becoming impossible to navigate. And for many were never navigable to start with. Because I’m tied to the blood lines of Africans I’m fighting hard to survive these Americans Because I’m tied to the blood lines of Africans I’m fighting hard to survive these Americans Because I’m tied to the blood lines of Africans I’m fighting hard to survive these Americans I love this line. I pasted it over and over again because it is like a chant. It's musical. It's strong. It really drives the poem well. To be washed in the blood of the common man That we might gain the rights to a “promised land” Not forty acres, a mule or somebody else's dream But the right to be equal in the mainstream To go to college, get the job, make leaps and strides To be an asset to my people and from the dust rise Your writing has a heart beat that's undeniable. It's almost Biblical sounding. "from the dust rise" The matriarchs and patriarchs who guided us Didn’t get us here to be left here by us Wow, this just about jumped off the page and leveled me. What a strong, intelligent and powerful statement. Extremely motivating and passionate. I love it. I'm going to make sure my kids understand it. Latorial, you are a passionate writer. This poem has the strongest voice of any I've read this month and sets a high mark for strength of conviction. It's poetic structure, accents, rhythm and above all--honesty, have made it both an educational and inspirational read. Thanks for sharing, Best Troy

This Poem was Critiqued By: Kelly Denise LaBeff On Date: 2005-02-02 22:47:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.97500
Because I’m tied to the blood lines of Africans I’m fighting hard to survive these Americans You don't fight alone, I am American with you and as you my blood line is Italian, but I am NOT Italian I am AMERICAN we all lost the vote this last election, let merit not tissue be the issue on which we stand,,, I can tell from the inspiration and heart of your words.. that your merit is high and grand embrace me love me survive me why survive me Can I help who I am inside [these are your words not mine] remember and honor, but live not in the past ... that's the bondage that restricts if we are to be “born again” and equal in the mainstream, let it be by merit and merit alone.... not because of WHO you are inside but WHAT you are [made of]inside ...... let that be the margin seperating one American from the other this is an excellent verse! I thank you for its message I love you Latorial love me back, Kelly

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-01-31 18:27:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Latorial: I love the direct way this poem speaks to the issues faced by the speaker (though not African, I felt you were speaking to and for me): "I can’t help who I am inside" This is Latorial D. Faison, speaking her truth. But as you do so often, you speak for many. And that is one of the endearing qualities of your writing. It covers serious topics, but 'heart' is a strong part of it. "Or that when I cast votes the truth is not denied" shows how we see the results of the political powers that be apparently ignoring the wishes and preferences and needs of the majority of a people who have long waited, have long 'done with less' and whose voices should be heard! "Because I’m tied to the blood lines of Africans/I’m fighting hard to survive these Americans With their played out and pimped out politics/Washington is filled with a sad lot of lunatics" Amen! The words "these Americans" identify the politicians, not all of the people who may be identified as Americans, but specifically "these Americans." I am embarrassed to be of the lineage which has been responsible for the harm done to African people. On the other hand, I hope and pray that my actions will show that I disidentify with anyone who would add to the wrongs done. "So I speak to and preach to my fellowmen About the need to politically be “born again” To be washed in the blood of the common man That we might gain the rights to a “promised land” Not forty acres, a mule or somebody else's dream --WONDERFUL! But the right to be equal in the mainstream To go to college, get the job, make leaps and strides To be an asset to my people and from the dust rise" -- You are doing it with your writing here and I 'm certain in many other ways as well. I especially love the hard-hitting, truth-telling lines below: "The matriarchs and patriarchs who guided us Didn’t get us here to be left here by us The struggle . . . it continues on everyday Don’t give in, for tomorrow is another day To get up, to live up to our heritage To free sisters and brothers from the bondage Because the fight is not over; it’s just begun There are more elections out there to be won" It's not over while one can still take action and vote or make certain that one's voice is heard, so that the voices of others may also be heard. This is a rallying call that is needed in these times of discouragement. The temptation to "give in" is given a powerful antidote in your rousing words! And I can’t help who I am inside Or that when I cast votes the truth is not denied Because I’m tied to the blood lines of Africans I’m fighting hard to survive these Americans The repetition of these lines closes this poem in an unforgettable way. No apologies given nor needed. God knew what He was doing when He blessed you as a gifted writer. Your words will help others rise up in order accomplish what "the matriarchs and the patriarchs" worked so hard to make possible. Outstanding! Brava once more! Admiringly, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-01-26 10:08:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81250
Dear Poet, A powerful statement - letting us know who you are, what you believe in and it so very well written therefore I like the structure and word flow.....These men in Washington, spend 40 million dollars on the President inaugural events.....yet after watching some of it I wonder who actually received such money......from the cost of food, horrible.. The latest on the news is the new 80 Billion the President has asked for the war.....my God, when is this all going to end.....We struggle day to day to make ends meet, to make sure our children have a roof over their head, a warm place to sleep, food on the table and a parent that loves them and is not afraid to say so.....yet when help is needed here at home for the poor, the homeless (and there are plenty of homeless children in this world) where does the money go? Overseas of course.....we need to look good first..... How can these political men justify that amount of money on a party event and talk of cutting social security and other medical aid. Well, your piece has boiled my blood and believe me its hot right now......I feel your words as they touch my own heart and the emotions you pack within the lines should reach many others..... I pray for our children and their future for it is hard to imagine anything other then what they already know (though this is a land of freedom) it is most difficult to fight a system that already stinks....Please continue with your work my friend, you are reaching so many others that might be feeling the same and not able to express their emotions as well. Thank you for taking the time to post and share with us what has been given to you....Be safe, stay warm, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-01-22 14:00:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72222
BUT you are an American! This is where I disagree with you. I am of Jewish faith as far back as I can research. My patriarchal grand father came to Canada in 1903. My parents were born here (in Canada). WE do NOT call ourselves Jewish Canadians nor do I believe you should be called African American. I have never heard of a black Canadian calling themselves African Canadians. If there are, they are very very very much in the minority. Why bother with the monikers? In Nazi Germany when they rounded up the Jews because they were Jews, they (the Jews) couldn't understand why they were being rounded up. "But we're Germans" they would say. Didn't make a difference to the Nazi's. Get my drift? I hope I have not offended you. As for the piece you wrote, well it certainly tells me what you feel and I can't take away from you. To get up, to live up to our heritage To free sisters and brothers from the bondage...education is the only answer as far as I'm concerned. You as a race have (had) such great leaders here in the USA...mayors of major cities, senators, and congress people and now Condaleesa Rice...one step at at time. Thanks for posting this piece. Because I’m tied to the blood lines of Africans I’m fighting hard to survive these Americans....as I am tied to the blood lines of the Jews. And yes I know what it's like to be opressed and to be called a "dirty Jew."

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2005-01-13 20:38:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Dear Latorial, This is a powerful statement - of who you are - and what you believe in and it is beautifully written. These lunatics in Washington, are spending 40 million dollars on President Bushs' inaugural events..... what pray tell could possible cost so much money? The idea sickens me when I know how people struggle day to day to survive, and work one, two or more jobs just to make ends meet. How can these politicians justify that amount of money on a party event. Oh, I'm sincerely disgusted - and disappointed and feel your words. I fear for the children of tomorrow and how hard it is going to be. Keep up this great writing - the message is being heard! Sincerely, DeniMari

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-01-13 12:16:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Latorial--And, although your piece may be considered controversial, I too share your sentiments: this melting pot (USA) has at times (historically) been very unkind to it's collection of minorities (the entire gambit-not just racial). One would be quite naive or in a whole different world of denial to refute this. The most telling lines (IMO) are those you've repeated: "...I can't help who I am inside Or that when I cast votes the truth is not denied Because I'm tied to the blood lines of Africans I'm fighting hard to survive these Americans" Your rhyming lament is well written with a genuine expressed tone. Thanks for continuing to be a conscious. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-01-12 16:54:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Latorial: There is almost too much in your format. You establish and keep a zesty aa/bb/cc/dd/ee rhyme and your meter is unforced and while not exact, it lends a cadence that I like. This is a hard-hitting piece of exposition, not a topic usually found in a poem altho I have tried political and failed. I'm curious if you are native-born or emigrated to US, not that it matters a whit to the understanding of your poem. Your first line did not affect me much until it recurred in the ending lines and by then, I was so tearful, the sentence hurt deeply. What hurts the most, however, is "I'm fighting hard to survive these Americans". That you have nailed us right where the guilt lies is painful but I cannot argue that you are wrong. Unfortunately you are correct and the text's being addressed to "your people" is affective and painful. The part of being "born again" is a passionate yet clever reminder of people who fought long before you were born and will still fight after you're gone. You've used linguistry quite well to beg your case (as in court) and terminology which rallied people before: "To be washed in the blood of the common man That we might gain the rights to a "promised land" Not forty acres, a mule and someone's else's dream BUT THE RIGHT TO BE EQUAL IN THE MAINSTREAM You segue to specifics needed to be done now and by those ready to take their places. I greatly like that you thanked the matriarchs and patriarchs who guided you and then an admonition you give to the young to live up to their heritage. I haven't mentioned your poetical devices for this is so much more than a poem but they keep pulling my eyes with their alliteration: played and pimped out politics and the same with your rhymes as well speech and preach...."leaps and strides from the dust rise." I cannot stand in your shoes but I am fervent about the mess we have made of our country and the word freedom. We started by killing all my people (Cherokee) and we haven't stopped yet. It's likely too late for February's issue of any magazine but next year, in advance, please send this to "BLACK WARRIOR REVIEW" as they are an excellent literary journal. As I'm sure you know, their poetry and prose are often nominated for the Pushcart Prize. This likely the most important poem ever posted on TPL and you know when I have suggestions, I speak up but for this jewel, there is no room for improvement. Congratulations on this accomplishment. Best wishes, Mell

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