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This Poem was Submitted By: Molly Johnson On Date: 2005-02-11 15:55:29 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Following the Tributary Home

Salmon navigate by stars, one glossy eye looking for home in pin pricks that shift with every shore ripple and raindrop. That is exactly how I find you: hollow collar bone, bent leg, smooth constellation of your face. I roll to one side so the sheets fall away, silver ripples in moonlight and then press the slick side of my migration against your shore.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-03-05 15:46:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Molly, how refreshing to find such an original and beautifully-sustained metaphor. The opening strophe, focused on the salmon, is almost amgical in itself. "Pin pricks ... shift ... ripple": lovely assonant combination! "Ripple and raindrop" rolls its r's like lapping water. Your ear understands itself well and shares its acuteness with us. In the second strophe, speaker and fish mingle and the stellar navigation is brought to earth and into the homey comfrot of a bedroom. Human and salmon are related aspects of the same cosmos. If we seek earnestly, it's clear that such parallels run through the known universe. In the third strophe, the sensuality of the imagery is gentle and yet intense. The speaker becomes not only salmon but also water, the complementary element to earth and her partner's firm presence. "Press the slick side", whew! Terrific sibilance, slippery sounds that suggest much without being blatant. Have to tell you: I absolutely love this poem! It is wonderfully written. Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2005-03-03 15:59:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Molly; Wonderful work as grounded to your mate as a salmon to its home shore. Beautiful Imagery! I especially like press the slick side of my migration against your shore.. Whatever it is that poetry is supposed to have. And wherever poetry is supposed to touch to elicit a response from the reader...You have it! I cannot totally describe it but, you ..go ...girl....you got it!! always your friend, Gerard

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-03-01 18:13:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Molly: I've read this literally dozens of times. I'd like to see a counter for each poem. It would give you some idea of your readership. This is a poem I frequented and enjoyed for its aliveness, for the multiple images within it that speak to life, fully lived. Another reason for writing to you now is that I am trying to write to each poet for whose work I plan to vote. This one is certainly one of those. I need to do many more critiques to make my votes count. I think that in the future of TPL there may be categories of poetry -- and I'd love to see this one in a category which perhaps could be entitled, "Exceptionally Well-crafted." Even that description loses something, though, because what resides within this is so much more than 'crafting' -- a lifetime of relationships and growth as a human being, and a profound love of language as art. Each of your poems seems to me to be a living photograph of a moment. How to make time stop? Read one of Molly's poems. I got lost in S1's: Salmon navigate by stars, one glossy eye looking for home in pin pricks that shift with every shore ripple and raindrop. Anyone who has spent time on the water will know that you are a keen observer of its moods. Poets will recognize exquisitely-pared down rich assonance in "pin pricks/ shift/ripple" and the liquid "ripple/raindrop" as well as the soft shushing of "ship/shore." "silver/slick" in the final stanza tie in the short 'i' vowel sounds from S1. There is a muted, soft quality to these sounds. The speaker's "migration against your shore" is a very private moment incorporated into an exquisitely lovely poem. It is sensuous and erotic, and beautifully restrained, so that it sits on that fine tension line between not enough and too much. "migration against your shore" The balance is like a pure, clear note of music, and ends the work on a 'fermata' or prolongation at the discretion of the musician of a note, chord, or rest. We rest in the moment given. Magnificently done! Best always, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandee L McMullan On Date: 2005-02-16 00:41:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92857
Title: Following the Tributary Home A title beckoning a reader to dare the journey; as it fills with nature. The image here sets somewhat of a tone. I approach the poem with desire to read. Opening line fills with interest, and directly hits the title. A lush image, I relate to B.C of Canada. This scene puts me there. The shift in stanza 2 is in tune with the title as moving homeward. imo. Also, bringing in the more personal descriptions the reader is clued for a metaphor. And it is well done via "your face...the sheets...". Last stanza is the strongest and blends the 2 previous for the powerful drama. Narrator presents this with good focus; some reading that I havent come across before -- unique. I esp. like "smooth constellation of your face" "my migration against your shore". Superb ending. Language is simple and has polished intention. I really have no crits to improve this. A fine poem. A joy to read. . . . . regards

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2005-02-13 14:58:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Molly, Great title, good simile, nice writing, complete with alliteration and assonance. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that comparing migration of salmon and human attraction could be so stirring and provocative(is that the right word?). But with the gift of your pen you proved it. The flow is superb. I can't find a thing to nitpick. I'd like to tell you my favorite part, but actually it starts with "following" and ends with "shore". :D I'm positive whoever you wrote it for loves this piece. And so timely since monday is Valentines Day. I look forward to reading more of your work. My best, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-02-12 11:02:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Following the Tributary Home [Perfect Title fo rthis piece - works at both levels] Salmon navigate by stars, one glossy eye looking for home in [pinpricks] that shift with every shore ripple and raindrop. Lovely cadence and sound and image That is exactly how I find you: [wonderful [salmon-like] leap of meaning] hollow collar bone, bent leg, smooth constellation of your face. {I like the continuation of the star references] I roll to one side [I think the line break would work better without the “so I suggest moving it to the next line or just removing it. the sheets fall away, silver ripples in moonlight and then press the slick side of my migration against your shore. Ahhh yes. Evocative and sensuous and in tune with the movement of the tides in its S and M alliteration [no pun intended]. Brava, Molly.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-02-12 03:23:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Good Morning Poet.......thank you for stopping in and posting, this has a good structure toit with a nice flow of words, which produce images as one reads on........interesting fact about Salmon.....interesting fact about love.........from beginning to end a nice read. silver ripples in moonlight has such beauty to it from this readers point of view along with smooth constellation of your face........thanks again, be safe, look forward to more of your work. God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-02-11 20:41:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Molly--Hello and welcome! I do not remember seeing your name before, but we here at TPL can always use another scribe/poet/reviewer/critiquer/visitor-smile. A big title (and apt) for this tight little gem. The first stanza gets this quick read going with an excellent mini-marine/biology lesson. Then 2nd stanza catches this reader with a surprise twist/turn; "That is exactly how I find you: hollow collar bone, bent leg, smooth constellation of your face." This reversal moves directly to an even better analogy in stanza #3. There is no mistaking this stupendous depiction for anything other than the "spoon position"; "...and then press the slick side of my migration against your shore." I totally enjoyed this cute, subtle, lighthearted post, which is a welcomed respite. TLW

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