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This Poem was Submitted By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2005-03-29 22:22:33 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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At The Real Life’s Return

Great Care’s gift to hearts in lack finds no delight in bolted ears, obstructed in themselves it seems. Somewhat like Death, as it fails to effect his own removal and restore eternal life. Ought not perturbing thoughts on such a noble level impart flesh to walk the Way? Though, any hope to balance scales rests far beyond and outside man. It’s solely that unwarranted love is born of such a renown that moves gratefulness to tears. Yet, while death veils the souls - those souls past existence, deep in pits of yawning refuse, the angel choirs still are left to echo restoration’s hope to stand along His promise. Or, if one slumbers centuries embalmed in death’s dour rest, his word is certain to fulfill the return of paradise. When every eye is bound to see his power restore the real life, the life exuding gladness, the life to last all time, the life bathed in perfection that life that He first purposed back there “in the beginning.”

Additional Notes:
NB: Written in the esteem of John Milton’s Paradise Regained. (Published 1671)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-04-05 21:48:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70588
Lennard--Although I'm not familar with Milton's "Paradise Regained," this appears to be a pretty ambitious undertaking: attempting a post to parallel the sentiments of such a noted scribe. Your piece depict the frailities/shortcomings/sins of man, including his free will to know and chose the wisdom/salvation/redemption offered through writings/teachings of the true way (sacrifice by way of the passion). "At The Real Life's Return" Eutopia/nirvana will be re-established (a return to the Garden of Eden); "...the life bathed in perfection that life that He first purposed back there "in the beginning." Thanks for sharing this well thoughtout poem following Holy Week (March 20-27). TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-04-02 08:27:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42000
Good structure, word flow, images and emotions projected from the flare of your pen poet..... Thank you for posting and sharing, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-03-31 13:37:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Lennard: This poem of spiritual import with its theme of restoration and reconciliation is like a balm in troubled times. The name “Great Care” must be that of the Creator. That “Death” is capitalized personifies what may be viewed as the Enemy of “Great Care” in the work. For example, the “gift to hearts in lack” which cannot get past “bolted ears” is connected to Death because he cannot be removed. Thus delight is associated with the removal of ‘that old enemy’ Death. He also “veils the souls” and keeps them “embalmed” in his “dour rest.” And so, we have the antagonist to act against the work of “Great Care”, clearly a protagonist in this impassioned work in the sense of the true meaning of ‘passion’ as suffering, if I take your meaning correctly. Ought not perturbing thoughts on such a noble level impart flesh to walk the Way? –This is in contrast to the ‘feel good’ prevalent culture! Though, any hope to balance scales rests far beyond and outside man. Though it seems we try, the true results of our efforts may be seen on the evening news. Our solution does not lie in intellect or power, but in surrendering to the One Who gives “unwarranted love”, you show us here: It’s solely that unwarranted love is born of such a renown that moves gratefulness to tears. Such humble acceptance of that love can only reflect the receiver’s feelings of unworthiness. Yet, while death veils the souls - those souls past existence, deep in pits of yawning refuse, the angel choirs still are left to echo restoration’s hope to stand along His promise. The “pits of yawning refuse” – Sheol? Or, if one slumbers centuries embalmed in death’s dour rest, his word is certain to fulfill the return of paradise. Sibilance in “slumbers/centuries/rest/paradise” implies a state of suspended animation, if I understand correctly. One may survive death, but only in a dim, unconscious way, when possessed by Death. But the love of “Great Care” can redeem. As the promise is given that “every eye is bound to see” then at some point there has to have been an awakening from “Death’s dour rest” in order for this observation to take place. The final lines offer hope: When every eye is bound to see his power restore the real life, the life exuding gladness, the life to last all time, the life bathed in perfection that life that He first purposed back there “in the beginning.” Repetition of “the/that life” implies to this reader that it is the ‘true’ life which cannot be destroyed except by the Giver. Neither can it be restored, except by the true Giver, the one Who “first purposed” in ancient times, “in the beginning.” This quotation from Genesis is as meaningful today as it has been for centuries. How do we know where we are going unless we understand where we started and why? How can a journey be undertaken without a goal or destination? Looking at the present-day world through the lens of the evening news it appears that we have lost our way and cannot be restored to “real life” except by the intercession of the One who gives “unwarranted love.” I am not clear on the theology implied, as I am not a theologian. I do hear the message which is that we cannot hope to restore things, “balance the scales” on our own without Divine intervention. What the world needs most in this time in history is hope. This you give in abundance in your poem, without doubt. Well done, my friend. I will be thinking about this one for a long time to come. Bravo! Peace, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-03-31 11:56:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78261
Lennard, there are works that call for an adequate response, and as I told Stephen concerning his Paradise Lost piece, it is difficult to critique 2300 lines, condensed to forty, condensed to my inadequate comparison. This moralistic view of Milton’s masterpiece, reminds me to follow up as if the need for such a view is vital . So here goes. At The Real Life’s Return Great Care’s gift to hearts in lack finds no delight in bolted ears, obstructed in themselves it seems. – Here you stress the crux in your first bi-stanza, that the separation of God and Man is “Man” causative, yet God’s derivative goal, that of redemption. It is an “internal” decision/lack of man that cannot span the gulf. Somewhat like Death, as it fails to effect his own removal and restore eternal life. – “None may come to the father, but by him”, and it is the stumbling block of man’s inability to grasp and react in “moral” actions that causes the need. “Internally” the “global” view of “moral need” cannot be grasped. Ought not perturbing thoughts on such a noble level impart flesh to walk the Way? – I think that is the question that vexes God. He created a moral being, why is the “moral way” so difficult to discern and follow? Though, any hope to balance scales rests far beyond and outside man. It’s solely that unwarranted love is born of such a renown that moves gratefulness to tears. – Once again, as during the entirety of the Milton’s theme, it is the unwarranted determination of God that continues to provide a means of redemption. However hard the sojourner struggles, without God, it is all a vain attempt. Yet, while death veils the souls - those souls past existence, deep in pits of yawning refuse, the angel choirs still are left to echo restoration’s hope to stand along His promise. – Lennard, the thought of “souls past existence” is an interesting aberration within the theme. They cannot contact the living, yet refuse to acquiesce to the throne. You speak of Angel’s Choirs, who, in obedience as messengers and defenders, allow a “local” voice of “restorations hope” Excellent comparisons. Or, if one slumbers centuries embalmed in death’s dour rest, his word is certain to fulfill the return of paradise. – “embalmed in death’s dour rest” how magnificent a metaphor, and of paradise, the word remains, before and after, the word remains, the determination remains, and redemption for the harkening remains. When every eye is bound to see his power restore the real life, the life exuding gladness, the life to last all time, the life bathed in perfection that life that He first purposed back there “in the beginning.” – It took me three readings to decide how to respond to this piece. “In the Beginning”, that statement of finality, (for the beginning always is), is also the prophecy of entrance into the realm of the Creator. “Life bathed in perfection”, I can say, I have no reference for the thought, and maybe I should. Next month I am submitting a short, theme poem concerning the same general subject matter, I hope you enjoy mine. This is a literary classic, and I must say, does justice to the 2300 lines of Milton’s. Thanks for making my morning.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2005-03-30 02:18:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Leonard, you speak of "the Way" with wonderful metaphors. This canvas is a plethora of well painted verbiage, wrapped around the spectacular work of Milton. You usage of question and answer dialogue, coupled with clear statement of purpose of Diety's plan, work well to move the reader thru this psuedo theologic landscape. The opening stanza I find most moving, in that "bolted ears" are in my humble opinion, both causal and willful in the damage to the spirit, that is wisdom is ignored and hubris embraced. Writers of Milton's ilk had such a grasp of the struggle of the spirit with the worldly issues. Their work should be examined by each generation, and commented on as you have done here, with heartfelt verbiage. It's what I read both on and in between the lines. "unwarranted love" is indeed the gift that "every eye is bound to see", and "life bathed in perfection" is indeed "that life that He first pruposed back there in the begining." This is my kind of writing. Concise and saturated with both the spirit and wisdom of the ages. A worthy reflection on a genius metaphysical poet's work which has illuminated both the spirit and literary life of all who take the time to delve into its content and message. Thank you for the uplifting post. Always a pleasure to read your work. Peace, Paul

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