To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Torrid Affair Click click click click The keyboard sticks With every letter That I do pick To pen the story Of love and glory Romantic tale in Allegory I have this thing About a ring Of words arranged In a long string And so with flair My thoughts take air Flying in from Way over there It’s my affliction To fuss with diction Creating tales Fact and Fiction Obsession comes To nimble thumbs As the mind be- Gins, it succumbs Critique, reply Telling them why Artistic work It makes me cry But then I’m held As I’m compelled To note a word Again misspelled Now punctuation's A situation To add or draw out Simple relation Torrid affair Of thoughts and air Words and rhymes of Lonely despair Then finding grace As each word’s placed Within a line Between a space |
Additional Notes:
formatting intentional
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-07-03 00:05:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.97778
Hi Mandie,
This poem is as interesting in its form as it is in substance. There is a lot to pick up from this and your title 'Torrid affair' is apt in its implication. The dictionary defines 'torrid 'as 'passionate', 'scorching', 'hurried' and 'rapid'. All four of these meanings bring out the nature of this theme as you present this before your readers. The form depicts a sense of anxiety and eagerness as you symbolise what writing sometimes entails and responding to critiques and giving critiques as well. Infact, it represents a waterfall of thoughts, ideas ------ 'My thoughts take air Flying in from Way over there'.
'Click click click click The keyboard sticks With every letter That I do pick
To pen the story Of love and glory Romantic tale in Allegory
I have this thing About a ring Of words arranged In a long string
And so with flair My thoughts take air Flying in from Way over there'
I am easily able to identify with the click, click, click. It is a very realistic depiction of what most of us do as we delve ourselves deeper into writing poetry, responding to those of others, and replying to critiques. Ths gives the poem a very real feel. Use of the word 'flair' creates a distinction between the art of writing poetry and what others do when they are at their computers. There are thousands of others who sit at their computers and write or type but you distinguish our group by using the word 'flair'. And it is very true, when poets are inspired, their thoughts take air and simply fly in from all over the place.
Structurally, I would recommend reducing a syllable in line 1 of this verse. Removing the 'do' would enhance the flow.
'It’s my affliction To fuss with diction Creating tales Fact and Fiction
Obsession comes To nimble thumbs As the mind be- Gins, it succumbs
Critique, reply Telling them why Artistic work It makes me cry
But then I’m held As I’m compelled To note a word Again misspelled'
I find the first line of this verse interesting and in contrast with the mention of 'flair, and thoughts flying in from over there in verse 1. This justifies how difficult it sometimes is to sit and put together the best combination of words in light of our chosen themes. 'Affliction' denotes suffering and pain and I have felt this when the words just don't come out right. Well, you bring in the critiquing portion as well...this gives the piece a very 'TPL' feel and touch. Yes, the critiques are a very big part of poetry submissions and they do point out a lot and help us grow. In wiritng crituques for others, we are given the opportunity to interact and offer our appreciation or reservations for the poems posted in the interest of the poet and for his/her growth. 'But then I’m held As I’m compelled To note a word Again misspelled'.
'Now punctuation's A situation To add or draw out Simple relation
Torrid affair Of thoughts and air Words and rhymes of Lonely despair
Then finding grace As each word’s placed Within a line Between a space'
The ultimate release of satisfaction after the torrid affair of getting things just right. This is what this last verse denotes for me. And you have done very well with the last line with an excellent choice of words. I liked the incorporation of a 'soft' rhyme scheme that gives this poem an energetic buzz in keeping with the 'torrid affair' you allude to. The innovation in this one is commendable.
Looking forward to readin and responding to more of your work. I believe there is still a critque of mine that you haven't responded to yet. You must be busy.
Take care,
Duane.