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This Poem was Submitted By: Cindy D. Clayton On Date: 2005-06-27 21:24:55 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Passion's Mercy

Eyes that pierce me as swords Lips surfacing passion from within Ears that listen, hearing all words Hands pulling me into my sin Intimate words whispered in ready ears Sweet rhythmic motion Intense closeness ridding tears Sin fades to emotion "Give me my sin again."

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-07-06 03:01:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.58750
Good Morning Poet........Interesting how we can read someone's work and come back with so many different meanings found within.........good title, good structure and word flow, images and emotions created with the flare of your pen.....actually, it projects pain as well as a physical emotional experience, the art of making love.....perhaps someone has been hurt deeply in the past, been touched as a child should not have been touched thus creating the 'sin' feelings involved within. Patience, love, and a close relationship seems to have helped you cross the line and allows you to be a part of your partners physical and emotional life. Thanks for posting and sharing this with us. God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rebecca B. Whited On Date: 2005-07-01 10:58:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Cindy, How poetically you have versed this, as it intices the reader to feel the emotion you display so vividly. "Eyes that pierce me as swords" [I like this lead in, as it shows how you are captivated by him, his desire piercing your very desire] "Lips surfacing passion from within" [my, what vivid imagery, I sense the passion within of which you speak] "Ears that listen, hearing all words Hands pulling me into my sin Intimate words whispered in ready ears" [these lines are inticing; whispered passion seems to shout in these lines] "Sweet rhythmic motion Intense closeness ridding [riding] tears Sin fades to emotion "Give me my sin again." [You have certainly used your poetic devices to pen this poem of passion's glory, and all emotion found within your 'sin'...well done, very moving poem] Beck

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-28 10:53:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40625
Cindy, What eloquent words, great structure. Your imagery stirs the fires that lie within, shoot I'm going to need a cold shower. What love, what depth of passion, the intensity of words deliver a powerful punch, only the coldest hearts would not be melted by this torrid poem. Eyes that pierce me as swords = what a feeling this is, it just send shivers up and down the spine Lips surfacing passion from within Ears that listen, hearing all words = one can just picture lips that are moist and feverish, and ears that listen tells of how heightened ones senses become, awake/alive Give me my sin again." = and in the finali, ones desire to repeat the experience again....very powerful Hope to hear alot more from you, this was a unique experience and well worth the journey, thank you. Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-06-28 09:55:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94118
Cindy: This is a delicately powerful erotic poem. It is restrained, which intensifies its impact. As adults in gendered bodies, I think most reading this will be able to identify with the sweetness of surrender, and times of conflicting thoughts in which ‘sin’ then “fades into emotion.” We are often of two minds about our wants, even in the best and safest of circumstances, and you show that duality beautifully here. Thinking of the first word of your title evokes a bit of that duality implied in this piece, as ‘passion’ derived from ‘passia’ or suffering is linked with both angst and sexuality. It seems to be so. In our western culture, human sexuality is often linked with the concept of ‘sin’ whether the two involved are in a sanctified relationship or not. The carry-over from indoctrination, Puritan legacies, et al, has left the impression that enjoyment of one’s erotic sensations is somehow tainted. And yet, we were endowed with these attributes by a loving Creator. Our tendencies toward ‘all or none’ thinking have made it difficult to perceive sexual embrace as part of our expression of love, in the best sense, because of distortions of these values. Modern culture with its over-the-top and throw-away values as can be seen on any TV channel would seem to contradict my statement, but in ‘real life’ it seems as if we are deeply entrenched with the idea of needing to ‘split’ our experiences into the compartments labeled ‘pure’ or ‘impure.’ Thus, sexuality becomes marred with the tainted label of ‘sin. "Passion's Mercy" The second word in your title evokes compassion, a great word to pair with the first. It seems that these two often walk hand-in-hand. Now to the poem: Eyes that pierce me as swords Lips surfacing passion from within Ears that listen, hearing all words Plosive p’s in “pierce/lips/passion/pulling/whispered” with their slightly bursting sounds add to the sensuality of the piece, image the increasing arousal of the speaker. I am especially struck by “ears that listen” for silence in the room becomes the background for this encounter. The smallest sounds from these lovers are cues, each to the other, of the dance that is love-making. The only music they will be able to hear for a while. Hands pulling me into my sin Intimate words whispered in ready ears Sweet rhythmic motion The somewhat muted emotions suggested by the short ‘i’ vowels in “pulling/into/sin/intimate/whispered/rhythmic/ridding/give” increase the impression that both in this poem are past emotions and thoughts and immersed completely in the experience of the physical NOW. Intense closeness ridding tears Sin fades to emotion "Give me my sin again." Tension heightens throughout this work; the poem turns on the first line above. Tears release some of the tension, but we see it build again in the final two lines. I can’t help but smile here. You reveal our universal human nature, perhaps in part still to be considered our so-called ‘animal nature’ to be such that we are at times helpless before it. The closeness of the two within this poem increases, as they seek union with their partner. It is at those times that we feel less alone and separated from ourselves, others and perhaps our very souls. Cindy you have given us a lyrical work and one with many implications. This is beautifully, sensitively written. In short, it is excellent and deserves an "A" from this reviewer. Brava! My best always, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2005-06-28 06:36:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.43077
Cindy, I can only imagine what this poem is about. I love the way you incorporate all the senses, Eyes, Lips, Ears, Hands...what do you smell? The images i get are of two lovers joining together in passion, one or maybe both brought to tears because of the beautiful 'intensity' of the act of making love. This is remarkably portrayed in the lines "Sweet rhythmic motion Intense closeness ridding tears" And then the eighth line supports this as well, "Sin fades to emotion" So often we see the act of making love as a sin, but in close moments such as the one you had described here the emotional connection surpasses that thought. There does seem to be an undertone of melancholy, almost as if the speaker has been hurt in the past and the close connection felt in this act is not only deep but also a painful reminder of a past experience, perhaps one in which making love had been forced and the connection was absent. "Give me my sin again" makes me think of my own experiences where as i connect with my husband on a deeper emotional level as opposed to just 'making love' because of my own dark past, i start to feel guilty and get scared and want to go back to just 'going through the motions' it is easier to deal without the painful emotions surfacing. But then i feel less alive...i hear a pleading in that last line, almost a bargaining...the emotional connection may be deep so deep that i am willing to work past my pain and connect with you again. That last line also portrays that this is an issue one lover deals with, as the words say give me my sin...indicating that one thinks it is a sin to make love. this would follow in the wake of one who may have been abused earlier in life and thinks it is a sin to make love. I don't know if i am way out there with this one, but it is how my mind read this. I am so sorry if the speaker in this poem has been hurt in the past, and yet happy that the speaker is learning to trust again. I think your title is very befitting here as it indicates the new found description of making love...passion instead of the older way of thinking about it as a sin. It flows well and the rhyme scheme is so subtle that it assists the flow without standing out...the talent of a great writer here. This is a great piece...thank you for posting and sharing it with us...forgive me if i have completely missed the mark here. Mandie

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-06-27 22:43:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44444
Eloquently written. At first I thought it was about incest, but re-reading think it's about perhaps a first love affair, one that you enjoyed because it "was" sinful perhaps to your way of thinking at that time. Your last line tells it all. What's different here is the rirst line vs. the last line. They seem to be polar opposites,,,yet you found this experience to be worthwhile even though it was "sinful." Thanks for the read.

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