This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-10-18 15:09:40 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Whispers Standing at the brim of a clearing
I hear haunting hoots of an owl.
I cannot see the owl, but
I know it sees me
I hear a chorus of whispers
I cannot see the whispers
but they see me, standing
here without kith
or kin...solitarily
A petulant breeze waves at
fir trees, undulating in
deep smoky clouds, that
wrap it from tip to glebe
in garments of mist
Is it the sanctity of this
place that lures and bewitches me?
Or is it the owl I cannot see?
Like my own last breath. |
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Copyright © October 2006 marilyn terwilleger
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2006-11-06 15:51:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Always wonderful to read one of your poems, and feel the voices in the forrest speaking softly in my ear, Thanks for the good read, I only wish Icould suggest something to improve your work but my talents are not up to that challange
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2006-10-27 21:08:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
marilyn--The imagery portrayed through personification of nature's
forces is enthralling. Scribe's enamorement with flora and fauna
is evident in this metaphoric offering. The emotions evoked and
kinship inferenced is intoxicating;
"Is it the sanctity of this
place that lures and bewitches me?
Or is it the owl I cannot see?
Like my own last breath."
Thanks for sharing this song, again-smile. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-10-25 07:02:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Power packed imagery! I really like this! I don't think it needs much work at all. For the sake of offering something, I'll tell you that the last line is a bit like an unfinished thought. The word that feels wrong is "Like"... I take it to me;
just as my own last breath...I think you could work on that one line. I'm sorry I don't have more to offer!
Very nice work.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-10-20 09:32:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
You've written this poem before, my dear, just when standing by the shore, instead
of owl's habitat. Only slight difference in the endings...where a "tell" is to be
found. This ending has a most favored delicacy, delicious in its lightness (doing
honor to double intende.)
"Garments of mist" is very good imagery, but the sobriety found throughout is
arresting and such as "last breath", even alarming. You and Joanne are beginnng to
worry me.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2006-10-18 19:25:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mazza
I tell you, one thing good about taking a long time between reads is seeing how someone's writing develops. I swear I see developments in you.
Your last line is a corker. NOT in its own right but in its relationship to the entire poem. From a poem of spooky animated owls and whispers that somehow sentiently see you, "Like my own last breath" wrenchs the camera angle around: we're no longer looking at a "spooky place", but at a vision of apprehensions of human mortality. What more potent portent of the "spooky place" of death than one's one last breath?
Damn, I don't even know if that's your intention, but that's how it reads.
That one line entirely changed the character of the read. Like dousing it with rocket fuel and hitting it with a lit match.
Sent shivers up my spine.
Mark.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2006-10-18 17:42:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Perhaps it is the time of the year, the changing of the seasons and the mystery that surrounds this read but I have to say I enjoyed it very much. Good images of the owl even though hidden from ones eyes and indeed the sound is very haunting in the deep of the night.......I really like how you put the
petulant breeze waves at
fir trees, undulating in
deep smoky clouds, that
wrap it from tip to glebe
in garments of mist
closing line gives much food for thought as well.........
Thank you for posting and allowing me to read this wonderful poem of yours......hope you are well and that life has been good this year. Take care, enjoy the holidays and God Bless, Claire
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