This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-05-08 16:45:46 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Spun Lace and Soap Suds With pomp and thrum
the sea pulses at my roots,
inviting my toes
with echo’s fingers.
Throbbing water welters
to the sand, reminding
me of spun lace and soap suds,
worn when hurried breaths
awaited my first embrace.
Arrows of light
spear ocean’s roof;
I stand
on fickle shores,
watching, remembering.
I linger in mummers
of the cobalt sea
and nestle in whispers
of days I left behind.
There is exhilaration
in calmness of the sea
when pieces of sunlight fall
and spirits flare.
I drink deep of silence
and ponder the winding
crossroads between life and death.
It is then I revel
in hushed reflections
of my youth.
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Copyright © May 2007 marilyn terwilleger
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-06-05 11:33:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The sensory aspect of experience is too often overlooked by poet.
Here, in a valiant effort, you compensate so well and successfully
produce a poem captivating in imagery almost purely drawn from
appreciation of the faceted way in which light and its play upon
things occur.
In this world you've created, the seemingly divergent, spun lace
and soap suds, come to unify into splendid appeals to the senses.
Although, "throbbing water welters/to the sand" is your best image,
I am taken by, "Arrows of light/spear ocean's roof"...to be reaffirmed
by, "when pieces of sunlight fall/and spirits flare". To anyone familiar
with the underworld of the sea, this is delectable.
It is enough to succeed with this poem stopping here, but your next-to-
the-last verse magnificently adds the moral core value to this poem
which sets it vastly apart so many others, "I drink deep of silence/
and ponder the winding/crossroads between life and death.
A play of "light" of a different kind.
Parallelism at its best.
Now, aren't you happy I waited to vote?
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joan M Whiteman On Date: 2007-05-18 11:12:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Marilyn - Interesting what thoughts are brought forth when standing seaside, watching
the waves lap the shore. You capture that moment well with imagery that perfectly
brings the proper picture to mind's eye. Your finale is spot on...The thought of
youthful days spent on summer beaches is invariably where such reflections go.
Very nice piece of poetry!
Joan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2007-05-11 18:02:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Marilyn;
A wonderful work extolling the beauty,serenity and power
the sea has in affecting your life. It is almost religious in its treatment
of the visual and emotional aspects of your present and past. In a way this work
hearkens to the idea that man himself originated from the briny deep and all returns to the sea, are indeed returns to the primevil home of Man.
Hope I'm somewhat near the mark...I really enjoyed this work immensley, Marilyn
Thank you for this delightful submission.
Always your friend,
Gerard
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-05-10 17:12:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Marilyn,
The idea of the ocean, sea, actually any body of water - always fascinates me - because of my love for the water. It's inspiring and your poem is also. You've combined some lovely elements, with a fresh display of words that I found enjoyable to read.
First verse empowers the read - it draws the attention of the reader, which I believe to be the success of poetry writing. I wouldn't change any of this - it's rich in emotion, imagery and style. Last two verses bring out a lot of emotion - drink deep of silence - pondering - between life & death, then, revel in hushed reflections of your youth. Very, very nicely done.
This write is definitely calming to the soul.
sincerely,
Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-05-10 00:34:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn,
Your well turned stanzas and deft verbiage leaves an imprint of one pondering one's life--past, present, and of course what comes next. A clear cut study in such an eloquent way of life, from inception to end. I especially liked: I linger in mummers
of the cobalt sea
and nestle in whispers
of days I left behind
This spoke so loudly to me reverberating in subconcious thought. Thank you for this delicious treat.
Best,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-05-09 21:52:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, in this, like the reflections, are bound what we are and what was. I like that you use the term "drink" for it also allows that what our reflections reveal, reveal our next step forward; in some context or the other. Without such, the decisions would be altered.
You use "ponders" and "crossroads" and many misuse these metaphors, you use them properly in the context of the whole passing of a lifetime. Death being the end, the traversing still remains tantamount to the meaning of it all.
In stanza two, your 'title stanza" what remains with me is the terms "water welters" a stretch of normalcy into a painful, if not necessary, ripple. In “fickle shores†you counter the apparent counterfeit vision with another explanation of reckoning by “watchingâ€.
This was an enjoyable read. I hope where it took me was close to where you meant to take me.
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