This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-05-23 06:38:45 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Floor Drum

Smoke circles, nearing upward exit,   the hole of thought transcendence. What men together of wisdom's               old ways find of Path to Great Spirit. The tiny drum of chant, hearkening    to children of day and night The Promised One returns. It is upon the floor, unheard    four hundred years The drum of dance begins. To offer up for His Return    and freedom from the bond Entered into to change  and find anew the blood of innocence. Quetzechoatl

Copyright © May 2007 James C. Horak

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-05-31 12:56:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
James, with you and Mark I begin from a different reference. For you I begin where I think you came from, for Mark I begin where I think he is going to. The reference to human sacrifice (blood) aside for a moment; I am left wondering if there is a localized, or recent current event that spurs your poem. Is there a famine, crop loss, or is this is a historical piece resounding with the truth of the legend? From the beginning you had me. I could see both the historical; and a modern sect making preparations for a spiritual fulfillment. There are some grammatical/lexicon changes I’d make but aside from that the atmosphere of the piece maintains a mythical feel to it. The “Great Spirit” a non-Aztec/Tolnec (North American Indian concept) melds well with the religions of the Aztec and Tolnec, that of the Promised One, (Quetzechoatl) returning. In fact, should I wish to make the jump of metaphor, Cortez was considered to be just that return, and was the cause of great bloodshed in the region. The metamorphosis of Quetzechoatl to include patron of many arts, sciences, first star and last light; is to today “Quetzechoatl bring us the corn”. Oddly, I was interested in this in new light after reading your object “Quetzechoatl” at the end. That is a word, here in CA produce region, that is spoken to this day. Quetzechoatl – redemption and resurrection; and the results. “to find anew”; and that is also a universal spiritual concept and lends credibility to all religions. I learned much in responding to your verse; Presidential candidates aside. Changes maybe: “the hole of thought transcendence” – unless “hole” is a metaphor for lost spirituality, should be “whole”. “find of Path to Great Spirit” seems to be the “of” should be “a”. Very nice piece.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-05-27 21:59:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
James, I like the free verse. Leader among the deities, that would come back after his departure to take back the empire. This feathered serpent god was connected to the planet Venus. Today Quetzalcoatl is the most well-known Aztec deity, and is often thought to have been the principal Aztec god. find of Path to Great Spirit. [a path] I was just writing one about smoke-smudging, what a kick! Enbjoyed the trip with the ancients. Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-05-25 21:50:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92857
James, I liked this very much. The Aztecs, Incas and Toltecs have a fascinating history as well are their cultures. I could hear the drumming, chanting and visualize the dancing...each locked into the old ways, ones that often had catastrophic finals for their practioners. I did stumble a bit at : "Entered into to change"; the word "into" and "to" being next to each other gave me a bit of a problem. I always enjoy when a poem ends with a statement such as a name... just something about it...classic fini' perhaps. I think the part I liked best was your beginning; with this you had this reader hooked, had to see where you were going. Fine job. Best always, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-05-23 15:07:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Hi James....as I read this poem I had a perfect image of an Indian teepee with the smoke curling its way to the top and out the opening. You will need to tell me what "Quetzechoat1" means. I tried to google it but came up empty so I thinking it may be the name of the Promised One (but then I remember Manatu being a holy spirit) or perhaps it may be the name of the drum. At any rate I like the poem and think it may be more profound than what one may think on the first read. You have a talent for grouping words that make your work a joy to read. Well done. cheers....Marilyn
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