This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-03-29 20:24:56 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © March 2008 Dellena Rovito
What Once Was
Joy was experienced
It means it exist
It lies in the depths of you
It comes and it goes
It ebbs and it flows
Yet we grieve…
Did it leave?
Where is it?
I don’t feel it…
Was it real?
I felt it yesterday
But it’s gone today
It waits on the sidelines
For it’s time to show………you know
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-04-01 12:07:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92857
Hi Poet.....enjoyed the flow of words and the thoughts, emotions and images it has created. Joy/Pleasure......a lovely combination yet it has to at times take a back seat to grief and loneliness. Knowing it is there just waiting gives hope to many situations we face in life......hope you are well, that Spring has reached you by now; for us we still have snow on the ground.......woe is me...heheh......God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-03-30 11:00:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
A delightful pursuit into personal introspection, Dellena.
One correction, and I'll be back to the positives...in the
second line, change, "...it exist" to, it exists.
You have always had the facility to relate your poems to
others and this poem is no exception. You last line, reaffirming
this, is doubly interesting in leaving off punctuation.
Yes, we have all come to know the transient nature of joy.
And how all things at some point become mixed...even where
grief and joy come to elevate the "ebb and flow" of what we
know of life.
The staccato impression of, "Where is it?/I don't feel it.../
Was it real?" is very effective.
A successful poem.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2008-03-30 03:14:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
You write the most youthful poems. This one poses the quandaries of joy like love. Almost child like...
"where is it?" like a flower tucked away that one looks for at the last minute before running off to school.
The 'you- we- I" - of the poem is done so well, it's almost deceivingly simple, yet brings the reader to the...."you know" perfectly. Also shows what's becoming your most individual way of ending poems.
The poem has joy in it and faith. To speak of poetic craft in the face of such exuberance seems besides-the-point; but "it exist" might be better as "it exists". The poem almost reads like a mosaic of musing, just don't forget the little details that can distract from the read.
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