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Displaying Critiques 1 to 50 out of 126 Total Critiques.
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Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by Terry ACritique Date
What Terry Has Asked Be Posted HereJames C. HorakDeni, I posted this statement when I was told that remnants of Dunns insinuations were still lingering on the web. These insinuations were unfair to James, in the extreme, because untrue. Other than that I would not have said a word here about the unhappy events of my past. James does not need me or anyone else to give him a character reference but there are many who would speak about him in gratitude for what he has taught them. I am just one of them. Because TPL is a poetry forum, I also spoke about what he taught me about poetry. I dont plan on posting here again, because I really dislike the lack of transparency in the contest and I dislike the battles it has endlessly caused, even though Chriss idea of the monthly contest was unique among poetry forums. It made the site interactive and gave people writing poems the opportunity to honor their peers and begin to recognize what made one poem more accomplished than another. I have no hard feelings for anyone at TPL, what's done is done. Terry 2012-07-08 04:49:56
QuestioningNancy Ann HemsworthHi Nancy, Welcome! A love poem positing possibilities and done well. Introspection that comes from experience and time is never as blissfully optimistic as we see in youth. I suppose that's a good thing, and one good thing about age, is that in gauging the risks we might take, well, we get better at that too. Never take a chance you can't recover from, no matter how it turns out. Is that too conservative? Maybe. There should be exceptions to that and there is, but I haven't seen many of them. "security, safety and life" are requirements usually more related to having a good job or pension, for the modern woman anyway; so I don't see those words relating well to the ideas put forth in the first part of the poem. Sorry if that seems nit-picking; your poem is a nice addition to March at TPL. Terry 2010-04-05 22:43:19
Thank You For Your HospitalityDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, I'm not exactly sure, but the scandal gripping the R.C. Church springs to mind through this poem mainly because the poem is so biblical in tone and vocabulary-devils and angelic souls, judgement and forgiveness. Infused with righteous anger, the pacing of this poem, where you placed the line breaks, thought and imagery all amount to a very good write. I'm not exactly sure of the meaning of the title, and in the way I've seen to interpret this poem, it doesn't fit. (and so I'm not sure if I'm gathering what you aim this poem at.) Still, it's a strong poem that you successful save from being a rant by the last two lines, which are solemn and wise. Terry2010-04-05 22:14:03
The New MathThomas Edward WrightHi Tom, What is behind this poem and what gives its theme is subtle.. In a world where one and one should equal two, intractably and in ways that can be counted upon, all of a sudden- “There you are at the marimba with the orchestra tuning And you page after page the score in your mind, Opens with her baton your beating heart “And out from under wooden hammers and rosewood bars Flies the entire flock of nesting partridges.” All of a sudden, it is something different. It is like writing a poem, where it becomes more than the sum of its parts, metre, form, rhyme, all the elements of craft, touched by some almost miraculous inspiration that surprises in movement towards something more. This stanza is wonderful by it’s truth- “As far as what you know, you go…” And this is the poet: “We are a song, you are a verb “ And what poet has not heard these winds? “Listen as the wind howls across your prairies. Tumble-words just keep tumbling thy gulches. Your stars outshine reticence every time. And every shuddering shoulder stops to listen. Itching with fever, blighted world of quietus.” Almost reticent of the mask: “But what face is beneath the paint?” Indeed, how much of the poem is the poet? How much of life is us and not us? How significant are the details we take as carved in stone when stars can outshine reticence, as though nothing can be so reduced that the something else has no part. (I don't know I just felt Steven's subtle influence on this poem in the background.) Howard Nemerov (an accomplished poet) explaining life through the eyes of a poet would be that indeterminate. That you were able to so well say this has made quite a remarkable poem. The background of math, yes well, it doesn’t tell the stories so well. Numbers are meaningless unless attached to something determinate and even then, interpretation can change their meaning, away from the facts they claim to mean. I felt almost as though trying to interpret this poem was like interpreting a dream. But finally, the subtlety of it began to draw its elements together. Now I don’t know if what I found is what you meant, but it is a wonderful poem, and well worth the effort anyone might take to know what you have said through it. Some really beautiful imagery and a closeness to delving into the somethings remarkable about life. Of course, for a poet, the remainder is always the poem. Wow Tom, first-rate poeming…thanks, thanks for posting it. Terry 2010-04-04 13:17:37
Two HereJames C. HorakA really lovely poem, introspective and showing care. As usual with your poetry, non-determinant enough to speak to several situations. The lines-"Mistake not the fleeting shadow/ made upon inner discord/ With rhyme or reason of other things", I've put on the top of my notes as a everyday reminder to self. In the middle stanza, the 'iron' and the 'boat' seem to not go together, kind of a mixed metaphor losing intensity of meaning by relating two things unrelated and while the meaning isn't diminished, I think the poetry of it is. Now the title,"Two Here", I would appreciate more interpretation of. Ground it just a little, if you wouldn't mind doing so. Thanks for a very good poem. Terry 2010-04-03 11:26:47
One EveDellena RovitoDellena, This is one of my favorite poems of yours, it is full of wonderful images and like a balm to the news, a breath of a truly positive spirituality. The poem just need a few little improvements, the spelling of 'Louvre'; and the first stanza ia awkward, did you mean to capitalize the line starting..."to silk..."? and I don't think you need the words, "While through", that line could start with, "The high shown rainbow...". Just saying, because I really like this poem. Terry2010-04-03 02:06:50
My VacationDellena RovitoI've realized that TEW understands,"The nothing that is not there and the nothing that is."; and so I was kinda hoping he'd critique this cool poem of yours first, because for the life of me, it seemed like a new kind of advanced physics. I finally had to consult Mr. Nothrop Frye, who point-blank explained it to me: "Literature: where things neither exist nor do not exist and where an airy nothing is confidently located or named." A poem. A vacation of the imagination. No metaphor can exist without imagination. Hope I'm close. Hope you're well. Terry2010-03-22 02:07:32
One Critique Out of Four PoemsDeniMari Z.I've had the flu. Must be why I'm writing about crows. Terry2010-03-22 01:43:41
An Insufferable Host Throws a Party (please read)James C. HorakSounds good, JCH. This part-"Doing that screws up my sense of being in control and, as any feminist will tell you, we heathen men need that to perform well." -really gave me a laugh, because feminists, women generally, don't put "being in control" and "performing well" in the same sentence regarding men unless they're speaking of men in a complimentary way. The subtle differences in the ways men and women perceive things is almost never shown so much complexity and depth as it is in poetry. Women haven't yet expressed it as well as men but that will change. (Which reminds me, I have to go read some Pablo Neruda.) Terry 2010-03-05 12:35:39
The lucky starsMark Andrew HislopProbably the best love poem I've read since MSS's "At Home with the Sleeping". Showing that it is a genre that will persist, even better than done in the past. To poem this close to private feelings, is to allow readers a privileged glimpse into the depth of feelings that some men can have. This poem shows that there is really no other way for love poetry to extend beyond what has already been said. Abstractions and generalities simply can't carry anymore the themes of love and desire anymore, and in this poem there were none. Thus, you have freed readers from the pat response that sentimental writing demands of them and allowed them a view distinctive and enduring in theme because of its originality. Terry 2010-03-03 14:17:48
The makersMark Andrew HislopHi Mark, When I first read this poem, what I felt was delight in it. And then I was amazed that the writer could portray with such simplicity, the very basis of so much philosophical and religious questioning, that being the very problems of reconciling the ideas of truth and illusion, and how it touches upon human life. Age-old questions "how we artisans with half the gene for speech but full for weakness to the spell....now labor doubly hard to tame the light the bucking darkeness, to grasp the slipping shapes and presences". Those are the best poetic lines I've read this month, maybe among the best I've ever read. In them, is a kind of universality that doesn't rely on creed, dogma, specific culture-the lines touch at the heart and soul of human existence. Your poems submittled this month make it very difficult to vote in the contest. I'd include all of them, if I let personal bias be the only measure. Terry 2010-03-03 13:44:34
StrandsJames C. HorakThe poem begins with a criticism of superficial words('too little effort, not enough blood') and deepens meaning showing that no exploration of anything worthwhile (UFO's, love) takes place in 'fog dense'. The poem moves from the general to the specific-beginning with 'That your love......to...A goddess stares at walls'; and than back to the general. An interesting way to ground the theme and yet not tether it to the ground allowing the poem both a personal and impersonal depth which is a way around being too specific in ways that would limit the poem's reach. I wish you would repost your Canto, the one that concerned Robert Graves and the White Goddess. Simply from reading his book, I assume that is the goddess to which you refer in this poem. Perhaps someday the forum might host a discussion on the idea of the Muse, it’s not being done elsewhere that I have found. Did the Muse give Milton his dark god because he took from the feminine by force? Is it possible that Hughes (got the spelling right this time), by betraying Plath could have denied himself the fountains of inspiration that differentiate between an adequate writer and a gifted one? Do such forces exist? and without erecting primitive deities who personify those forces? Anyway, I digress from your poem, but your poems always challenge one to think. ‘Pastel’ belongs in all those poems one reads at weddings and graduations, where everyone nods happily that the mood hasn’t been given a dash of seasoning that might upset some grandmother’s stomach. Your poem ends on admonishment to world powers who ‘play at death in a game of forbidden duration’; but keeps the connection to the beginning of the poem by keeping all of the ideas supporting one another in cause and effect. The element not given much context for understanding is the idea of the goddess and this only because poets discuss the Muse and I don’t want to limit context (the way it could be limited). Really a masterful poem. Complex, but candid in a way that shows that astute thought is sometimes the best backbone for imagery, and the best imagery of all is not 'prettied' by vapid lips. Terry 2010-03-02 17:35:06
I Want to See Their Face Before...James C. HorakThis poem is less determinate without the notes and though notes are meant to provide additional meaning and allow the poet to guide interpretation, I particularly like the fact that it wasn't really needed. Your poems, no exceptions I can think of, are never easily limited to one time, one situation, one meaning. Yet here, you've drawn a cord of truth through the poem which allows it to speak with hefty congruence no matter what readers might make of it. In my view, the suicide bomber is a pathetic creature, the ultimate manifestation of fanaticism disconnected from truth. But your poem goes so much further in its accusations, to the very ones who would cause the deaths of millions to maintain their hold on one planet. Yes and there are many who want to see their faces before the inevitable, to believe that justice allows those moments of clarity. A very powerful poem. Terry 2010-03-02 12:41:08
Remember Tomorrowcheyenne smythHope this is okay...I wanted to critique "Dying Winds" and it somehow got deleted from my list. So hope you don't mind Cheyenne if I critique it here. "Dying Winds" shows the weary fatalism of old age (antique lines, shallow runes, shackled meanings). It is melancholy, but not self-pitying. It is a poem past prospect, almost depressive the mood evoked by the description all emphasizing more the theme of "dying winds". The poem is successful in that no more a weary picture could be found. It does go well with this poem, "Remember Tomorrow" which is the same thing said only slightly differently, with more imagery and a hint of hope. These poems are not my favorites because they evoke images of old ladies sitting silently in windows of old-age homes. The themes of loss and decline can be noble and I do prefer the "rage, rage, against the dying of the light"; so it might be just my personal preferences in poeming. Terry2010-02-27 02:13:05
My Quillcheyenne smythHi Cheyenne, This poem really is delicately suggestive of your love of form and tradition. It is a gentle monologue, lyrical and showing technical adeptness. Terry 2010-02-27 01:50:18
Beast Be GoneDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, The first stanza shows talent and a move away from the writer placing all thought around the personal. The metaphor speaks for itself and there is a refreshing selflessness to it that rises way above the rest of the poem. The following lines read too much like a diary entry, meaningful to you but not original to the reader By original I mean exclusive to your way of seeing and experiencing the world, that which gives each writer's poetry its distinctness. But that first stanza shows you've "got it". Hope your health is improving. Terry 2010-02-27 01:20:21
To A Muse, WhoThomas Edward WrightThe Amazons would have stolen you for mating purposes, then kept you alive and well so you could sing to them around the campfires. Terry (my Muse told me that)2010-02-26 13:12:36
Scream - Repost From Year - 2001DeniMari Z.Hi Deni, I have an uncle who was an alcoholic, but he managed to get clear of it through AA. That's free in Canada, but it doesn't help everyone. Sincere condolences to you and your son. Hope you both remember some happy times with this man. Terry 2010-02-25 17:44:53
The Gloved OneDellena RovitoHi Dellena, This poem reads so smooth, as though it rolled off your pen in one easy write. Even if that was not the case, it is a sign of good poetic craft to be able to make it appear that way. Something so simple as gloves, you've imbued with rich symbolic and metaphoric meaning. Meaning that encompasses almost anything that has had its time, that fit, and now doesn't. Sounds like the refrains that would fit most divorce courts, at least among the more thinking and charitable. Things change, inevitably and though not always as your poem portrays, you've grounded your meaning by choosing something that is specific to represent what kind of change you show. This poem is very accomplished by its strict attention to rhythm and maximizing meaning by every single word. I remember I thought similar about your poem about socks. You have a deep poetic wardrobe going on there, and very thought full of meaning. Terry 2010-02-25 17:28:59
TenuredThomas Edward WrightShe said: "It didn't happen. There's no way...they are still alive." Guns and Dragons2010-02-25 14:28:25
Point Road SnowThomas Edward WrightThe last two stanzas, I really, really liked. It's so rare nowadays to hear a voice that -has time- for a new story. Really lovely, gentle lines, Eden-like. Maybe it took the first part of the poem to get to the second part 'Just to know, how, why.', but the second part has the magic. Terry p.s. What's W. Steven's doing in your poem? 2010-02-17 00:15:00
February Contest ResultsJames C. HorakYes it was a good month! Congratuations to Cheyenne for winning in January. And here, I'd like to thank all who voted for my poem this past month. I feel I still don't recognize and appreciate form and poetic technique enough, your critiques enrich my understanding and show just why Cheyenne's poem was so accomplished. I did not include your poems in the contest because I thought you did not want them included. I see by the other members, I was remiss in that and will correct that this month. I have no mechanical apptitude, it makes the study of poetic technique more difficult than it should be, and though it interests me, it's still not reflected in my choices when voting. I'll follow closer and hopefully enrich my reasons for voting as I do. Maybe, even develop an appreciation of the sonnet, though my Muse hasn't noticed the sonnet form since Shakespeare, but I might still be able to. TPL is like a poetry workshop, without the rules that stifle creativity. Much appreciated! Terry 2010-02-08 12:11:16
To Write Like Poecheyenne smythHi Cheyenne, First-congratulations on your poem "Too Soon Cold", taking first place in the Jan. contest! Your multiple submissions this month added much to the vibrance of the site, I especially appreciate the variety of your writing, which shows a nice range of interests and an accomplished poetic variance of form. Poe was such an original. I have a wonderful book on him called, "The Unknown Poe", edited by Raymond Foye. It says that Poe's reputation in his day rested on his work as a literary critic and an editor. This book shows him with far more depth than just as the first modern writer to try and methodically investigate the unconscious mind. Your poem is a lark towards the spirit of his writing, fun and light. Here's to February!!! Terry 2010-02-08 11:46:33
Letting Go Is Easier In Your Own TimeDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, Most people are well-meaning and they never share the depth of anothers personal suffering unless they've lived throught it themselves. That they even try to offer relief says something about them. That it is or may be insufficient shouldn't really be held against them. In that, all are islands of their own depth and perceptions. Some empathize better than others and some are trained (grief counsellors) to offer more aid. Ask yourself what your son would want for you now. From what you have said on TPL about him, he was precious to you and his family. Would this man want you to never recover from a decision he made for himself? Sorry if I'm out-of-line, I'm just among many who have felt at a loss for words when such things happen to people. Mumbling something I can only hope helps. Your poem is successful in sharing and portraying exactly how you feel, and in a way spoken truly only as a Mother could, and poetically spoken by imagery that carries the theme of grief not understood. Terry 2010-01-26 17:26:19
Morning SongDan D LavigneHi Dan, Enjoyed this little breath of poetic lightness. It has sometimes struck me how there are moments in both early morning and early evening that seem the same. As though the cusp of change always shares some similarity. To wake in celebration of life is a simple gift, simple but significant, as it sets the tone for the day; a happy time shown in this poem. You wrote the poem was written many years ago...are you writing any poetry now? Terry2010-01-26 16:54:04
A Different Pathcheyenne smythHi Cheyenne, I enjoyed this poem, the consistent tone carried by the word choices evoked the image of the house as alive (and that's delicious), and the words, 'looked at me','seemed to stare'...very good way of bring the reader into the poem, into experiencing the poem. At first I thought the lines were too choppy, but then found them as 'walking' and timing the read to coordinate with the experience the poem shares. You might change the words, "as if it couldn't penetrate the grime" (awkward) to another image that reinforces, "sun died against window panes' in a more poetic way. I thought of halloween when I read this poem and gothic writing, your poem was well done in those traditions. The 'purple fog' ending was a delightful touch. Good free verse poem, very Poe-ish. Lovecraft also wrote some great short stories that would begin by such ideas and imagery as you used in your poem and so, you have esteemed company in such writing. Terry2010-01-24 17:47:03
The Madness of AgendaJames C. HorakHaiti -so much of your poem. The part left out by mainstream media -how the country's corrupt leadership had put its people in destitution long before the earthquake. How much of the world-wide donations to help the people will actually reach them? How much will be funelled off to its rich government and its supporters? Canada, fast-tracking delivery of orphans to couples who feel they are doing their part by helping one child? When the millions there, who would do a better job of raising their own, see their children starving. And Hilary Clinton, tying up food delivery for a fucking photo op? And the lucrative rebuilding contracts, where will they go? There are even those who doubt the earthquake was natural. (I pray that second technology does not have that power.) The tears of the world fall everywhere now. Terry 2010-01-23 18:23:48
WordsDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, This poem immediately found resonance with the most exquisitely personal writing in the Bible, that of the Psalms. Prayers spoken from close to the heart and soul. What gives this piece of writing its universality, is its lack of adornment, lack of compensating reasoning and its acknowledgment of imperfection- its humanness sheltered by compassion. I hope you see why it is different from other "I" writing. As well, and twice now today (once from Dellena in a critique she did of one of my poems), I found utter beauty in words...."allow yourself the dignity....of setting my humble heart free"...; is poetic truth at its finest. Terry 2010-01-23 17:59:27
In confidenceMark Andrew HislopHi Mark, 'Rocketman', the first word that came to mind when I read this poem. A song sang by Elton John, apparently based on a short story by Ray Bradbury in "The Illustrated Man". The tone is one of perfect stillness, as though introspection has created its own space. And though the moon is metaphor for many things, it was the space-travelling body that resonated with me. This is not a reduction, because literally the poem works on that level and could easily be published in a science-fiction journal. The poem also represents the best of science-fiction, which is never based on technology, but states of mind, consciousness wrapping in different ways around details, challenged by the unknown, introspective about the future. You used the word, 'close' in two different ways, the ending it works best, the other two on subsequent readings of the poem, stumble as the mind reads close/close (different pronunciations and meanings). This is too good a poem for that. (If it's just my reading, well, nevermind.) The title of the poem, and the last line work perfectly together. The theme: "there is something upon this man that weighs heavily that he cannot share". (I know, paraphrasing sucks and never does justice to a wonderful poem like this.) I've learned that there are many secrets not worth the price we pay to keep them. That is the moral question behind your poem. Your Muse is awake. Let her tell. Terry 2010-01-22 16:00:43
A Hard TimeJames C. HorakThis is lovely, whimsical and endearing...is that you JCH???? Helloooooo I hope you're judging the contest. You have a degree in English Lit, you love poetry, know it, and I presume will decide by your usual otherwise unconventional criteria. (and you're putting up the awards, but that's not really the point.) With more posting now, everyone wins just by participating, no matter who tops the board. Terry2010-01-20 16:39:10
From beyondMark Andrew HislopHi Mark, I read somewhere that we shouldn't critique poems we don't understand and I don't understand this poem, nor do your images come alive in any coherent way for me. Having said that, which I hope you will forgive, I just want to say I'm glad you're back and writing poetry. I have really enjoyed many of your poems, maybe this one is just beyond my understanding. Terry 2010-01-17 16:54:30
Take or Give OutDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, It's an interesting ending to this poem and one that I don't see as -either/or; BOTH posit something good. I'm not sure that's what you wanted to say. If one was to find the "basket of fruit that overpours", then it would be possible to more help "those humbled in life". Kinda like, you can't give what you haven't got yourself. Still, you draw a contrast between those who are never satisfied and those who are ever needy, offering the idea that life has more to offer than need and want. Hope you are feeling better now. Terry 2010-01-17 16:04:34
ReflectionsDellena RovitoHi Dellena, I enjoyed this lark into how thought functions, done high-speed. You've suceeded in telling the readers something and showing it at the same time by your choice of words and how you've joined them together. "Squeezed from the tube of insight /Ideas flare sporadic bright, is delightful and astute, as is the rest of the poem. And your almost trademark last line- always to bring the poem to its purpose. Good to see you back here, and hopefully well. Terry 2010-01-17 03:41:42
WaitingRene L BennettRene, This poem reads like an entry in a diary, it is the writer talking to herself. If you provided specifics for all the generalities, created imagery for words such as- light, dark, right, fear- you could create a poem that might reach others with new insight. That the suffering is real, no one would question. But how does this differ from others who have written similarily? If you would give all your ideas- imagery, metaphor, simile, anything to bring the readers poetically to your own unique view of things, then the poem would be more successful and the readers given more understanding into what the poem is about. Terry2010-01-17 03:29:22
Alonecheyenne smythHi Cheyenne, The imagery in this poem is perfect to the subject matter and original- "ashy tongues lick blades of night", is gifted. In the short poem category, I don't think I've read one any better. Sylvia Plath said (and I paraphrase) that manny poets start out writing nature poems and then they bring poetry closer to themselves as they tap into their own perspectives; and then their poems could only have been written by themself and no longer imitate others. I think you've achieved that here. Terry2010-01-17 03:09:10
WhitewashedMary J CoffmanHi Mary, This poem is extraordinary in its accomplishment. You've given your superb talent with imagery a purpose and direction, and have created a poem that can rival any other media in its effect. Each word has purpose and the restraint (the way you've paced the reading) governing the poem, intensifies its impact. Wonderful! Best wishes for a Merry Christmas! Terry 2009-12-23 02:14:50
Please Read:James C. HorakInteresting idea. Hope MSS's hiatus from TPL is due to real life busyness and that he will return. Would also like to read more of Tom Wright's work. His poetry is always interesting and often superb -'Woman Combing'-an example of that. And Rachel was the most accomplished woman poet on the site (in my opinion), and her poetry was a boon to TPL. If Chris approves your suggestion, I hope he also restores your posting privilages on the forum. It's absurb your not being able to post there, especially given the level of participation that currently exists. There's lots of warm and fuzzy poetry sites on the net, TPL could be the site for creative and original writing and whatever that might mean to anyone, it means something. You know poetry, you're here, and that is what could give TPL a chance to be more. Terry 2009-12-19 13:53:19
Soul MatesDebbie SpicerHi Debbie, I have a few friends who at different times, have announced they have found their soul-mates. I say different times, because once on that trail...it's exactly as you have written... until the next soul-mate comes along. Do I sound cynical? Not really, it's just that in that experience all sense of decorum seems to vanish. And love and sex enter into an astounding confusion, blessed by every cliche romance has ever had going for it. Your poem sums it up nicely. And if it is about someone who has stood the test of time, heartfelt congratulations; for this is as rare as mushroom flying saucers. Welcome back to TPL! Terry 2009-08-31 23:08:54
YoyoDellena RovitoHi Dellena, I like the pace of this poem, you move it along with the zest playing with a yoyo has, and the language parallels both (your life and the symbolism of the yoyo) extremely well. The imagery is vivid enough for the reader to see you and the yoyo, with the thought accompaning each twirl. It's quite well done, Dellena, and again, I appreciate how you evoke motion (flipping, twisting, turning,churn, etc. etc.). No centre of the tornado here, and that's refreshing. Terry2009-08-31 20:15:53
UnsettledJames C. HorakI read some of Plath's poetry to determine just why it was so significant. IMMEDIACY. That's a quality of many great poets, and perhaps one of the subtle differences between so called academic poetry (armchair poetry, removed, looking through a window poetry); and the real stuff. Though people, things, events may inspire a poem, the 'fuse that drives the force' of the poem is inside the poet, touched by inspiration. This is a subtlety that distinguishes between what merely subscribes to popular notions of what good poetry is, and what blows in out of the water towards something extraordinary, touching upon what is living in the words and ideas fully. Your poetry has this quality of immediacy. What also stands out, is that you write without burden, and that is what Plath did in the last months of her life. To achieve this freedom of expression and live, is something Plath did not achieve. But it is worth achieving and for reasons beyond the obvious, for poets especially. As well, this poem made me smile, so wonderfully did you wrap your meanings into the words. Thank you. Terry 2009-08-29 12:57:37
U.S. Hell Is Where Some DwellDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, I had heard of this some months ago, outside major U.S. cities. (Canada has too much winter and much lower population, plus better social services, less effected, so far.) I agree with your writing of it, and I am concerned that no mainstream media coverage is being given to this. I also read, that prime mortgages will be next, and those are people who had down-payments and equity in their homes, but because of job loss or medical bills can no longer make their mortgage payments. It is a travesty to empty out houses when people could be allowed to stay, take care of them, and then resume payments based on what income they have, even is it be social services for a time. They are ways Obama could help people, stabilize things until they improve. The rich won't be able to insulate themselves enough from anything, if social infrastructure doesn't hold. Best line in your poem-"potential dreams stuck on stall". I've been doing alot of reading on these things, just have no poems come concerning them; perhaps the facts are too stark. Thanks for posting this poem. Terry 2009-08-19 23:43:11
Too Late To LearnDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, The last line of the poem seems unrelated to the rest of the poem, kind of a pop-song ending (John Lennon -'All You Need is Love'); to what reads at first as serious political commentary [political? because of your use of teminology: 'elected', 'voted']. You have given 'hate' plenty of context in the poem, do the same with 'love', and the poem would be far more successful; at least there'd be some justification for your last line. Terry 2009-08-13 15:38:52
IntowardsJames C. Horak Thomas Jefferson said in 1802: 'I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered..' The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. Thomas Jefferson Excuse the quotes, they are going around the net. Information also abounds about the flu vaccine...psychotic effects found in trial runs. "They" know not what they do; and their ideas of containment are probably wrong, probably fucking wrong. Someone said on another forum, "when pigs fly", the saying has met prophecy. clever, but darkly so. Angry as hell, Terry 2009-07-31 00:01:53
WatermelonDellena RovitoHi Dellena, This poem would be a very cute sign on the gate of a watermelon farm. I'd like to see poetry everywhere and it could be. Now, if you do one about macademia nuts, I'd say we have lunch! Terry 2009-07-29 15:32:42
Y......DeniMari Z.A wonderful tribute to your son, Deni, and done so well poetically. I read that giving images to feelings is therapeutic. If you keep doing this, the process might lead you out of mere existence; and a poem like this one shows it doing so. The first two stanzas are gifted; the title might better be given more meaning to your theme. It is wonderful to have loved someone. That's one thing the reader sees in this poem and that is how the loss is more deeply significant. Terry2009-07-28 19:28:45
The unpunishedMark Andrew HislopThis is a great poem. It stands quite wonderfully on its own and enriches the myth, rather than the myth enriching the poem. I find reading myths too bare-bones-like. This poem isn't, and modernized as you have, it springs 21st century. Thanks for posting. Terry 2009-07-28 19:17:00
Darkened TimesJames C. HorakNo, you aren't writing about Gothic Art here, but if there were any kind of syncronicity, I was reading about Gothic Art when this poem was posted; it evoked in me the same feelings as this poem did. I know, so what?! Also, on the bookshelf, short stories by de Maupassant, 'the Dark Side'; so lacking in literary merit I could only bear to read a few. Maybe something was lost in translation? Interestingly though, the intro had this statement, "Of all forms of fiction, the fantastic and macabre allow the subconscious to speak most freely". I don't quite agree with that, but onwards to your poem. In ages where superstition dominated, people experienced less vacariously what movies and books now provide. Caldwell's, "Grandmother and the Priests" still to my mind is one of the best representations of the former. Now people have Anne Rice (who I've never read) and Bram Stoker's, 'Dracula'; and the goth subculture providing vicarious thrill. I only saw bored housewives reading Rice, which for some reason I found reason enough to not head down to Chapter's and join in. But Stoker's 'Dracula' was brilliant and if anything represents the complexity your poem speaks of, this movie did, even gives aspects of why the drawing in could ever be. Not all arises out of moral wasteland, or so the movie shows. But that is not what your poem says. And its definite occult undertones go straight into the modern age...David Lynch in "Eyes Wide Shut" perhaps portrayed the temptation of evil better than almost anyone. In many ways, as deep in meaning as Goethe's, 'Faust'. And Sylvia Plath said (and I paraphrase) "Pray you are not exceptional; the devil is only interested in the exceptional". Her limited husband never wrote one line as meaningful as that one. Those who have no faith take antidepressants, uncomfortably numb. It's faith that can be dangerous, for one must have faith. In something. Hope I've come close to the meaning of your poem. I find the last stanza enigmatic. Who is the speaker? Terry 2009-06-11 22:35:42
Regal AngerDeniMari Z.Yes, the Royal Family represents a lie. That is that they possess "divine right to rule". That's what books like 'da Vinci Code' are supposed to lay groundwork for mass acceptance. Why Elton John, Bill Gates, delight so much in their knighthood. The disgusting stretch of feudalism held out as some romantic ideal. We have alot to be pissed off about. Regal anger doesn't need a crown, just a pen. Terry2009-06-10 13:16:22
Char-ColdDeniMari Z.Deni-Mari, Very good poem! The line "A volume of promises would not do." is powerful, and I would end the poem there; the last stanza has already been somewhat said previous in the poem. "Shades shaking fallen stars" has tremendous movement and depth, in fact is absolutely superb. Terry2009-06-04 22:53:13
My Votes for AprilJames C. HorakI just checked the critiquer ratings at contest end. I gave you a -10- for your critique of my poem 'All Alone'; and I gave DeniMari a -9-. The system doesn't show that. Tried to email you, email is not getting through. Terry tia567@canoemail.com (my new address)2009-05-08 15:38:07
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