This Poem was Submitted By: Michael Bird On Date: 2009-04-09 22:33:48 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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In Dreams

At night I sleep alone That's when you come to me I close my eyes and drift away To that magic place of dreams Dreaming my dreams of you In dreams I walk with you In dreams I talk to you Dreams Beautiful dreams You come running into my arms We embrace each other Kiss a lovers kiss Dance among the stars And do all the things that lovers do In dreams  Beautiful dreams Just before the dawn I awake And you are gone Away from the place of magical dreams Beautiful dreams I can't help it,it hurts to cry I remember you said goodbye Its too bad all these things only happen In my dreams In dreams your mine In dreams  Beautiful dreams

Copyright © April 2009 Michael Bird

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-04-20 22:37:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Michael, Here we go again....I like Roy Orbison's version better.... Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claus Michael Ranswill On Date: 2009-04-19 20:41:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
A very good visual and moving poem, I like the rhyme and the breaks of formality, dreams are a great subject and something everyone can relate to, I like the descriptions and the flow, to change a poem is to write another, but if you wanted to change anything, you could add more rhymes, longer sentences and paragraphs or just tweak the small ones a little, sometimes more is better and sometimes less is even better, if this were mine I wouldn’t change anything
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-04-18 23:38:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Michael, "It's too bad..all these things only happen in my dreams" - powerful thought and this should serve as the pillar of your poem. With a pillar such as this, I would expect the construction to be stronger in temrs of imagery. A critiquer once told me when I first began - " reach out for the unique"..I hope to see a revision of this. Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-04-18 00:06:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Very sentimental write Michael; it's good we have those dreams, memories that keep lost loved ones alive in our minds, hearts and that we can touch on them at different times. I can relate to this; feel the grief you still have inside & pray for peace of mind; holding onto as many moments of the past with your love as you can. It's a love letter; that holds deep true passion, love abounds within each verse as you reflect on the past. It reads well, with a slight exception of the added "in dreams beautiful dreams." My opinion would be to eliminate those to enhance the piece; bring out the best in the write without having the reader pause to read those over. Aside from those thoughts; I wish you well, blessings, Deni
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