This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-06-14 19:54:16 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Cracks in the Tile and Suicides It is a thought, coming to touch us
in unrighted moments….
tottering on the edge
When the abyss seems near.
So many soul petals fall
with no brisk wind
For a hard pillow where it
shouldn’t be
We might have kissed a tear
or hugged a slumping shoulder
more than we had
In the end we question to know
forgetting it is not about us
no more than a trip without a road
And sometimes simply
Over cracks in the tile.
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Copyright © June 2009 James C. Horak
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-07-06 16:26:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
James,
I like this.
I must have gotten abyss from you from one of my poems!What a kick....
In the end we question to know
forgetting it is not about us
It's true it isn't about us but whose it about? The whole? The spirit? The one in need?
This about suicide, the falling apart, leave taking, the questions we ask later.
It is difficult knowing if one is sincere in their misery. It is hard to detect or believe.
good writing,
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-06-21 17:53:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
So deftly written, such a deep subject and for so many so touching that it is a difficult subject to broach. You've done such an explicit job of showing true cause and effect, how no one can know what is in the mind of the doer, why do people take on guilt for others doings when it is not theirs, and the most effective lines for me are, "In the end we question to know
forgetting it is not about us
no more than a trip without a road
And sometimes simply
Over cracks in the tile.
This bares the weight of your write, digs it deep in to mind and spirit...the one thing that is all to often overlooked...like a thing coming to full circle.
TC
L
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-06-17 23:03:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello James,
I read this yesterday but could not respond immediately due to the emotional impact it had. This had a power I have not felt in any of my recent readings. The theme is inherently emotive for those who have been pushed into corners, who've been hurt, betrayed, closeted, denied, starved, discriminated. And within this dreary and dark thought you set forward a glimmer of hope...the very flow surged and headed to a climax of 'you can win'....I was reminded of my past, pensive of the present and though still pessimistic of the future, I held on...though there sin;t much to hold on to in terms of what I want...the object of my affection, my desire.
Very effective and structred beautifuly. Thanks for posting this.
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2009-06-16 19:28:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
JCH,
This poem makes me think, fittingly, about the exchange between the poet and the reader. Is that like the exchange between the survivor reflecting on the suicide who made the leap? For example, I read into your "brisk wind" from my experiences and feelings. Or do I? And is the poem we read "not about us"?
If this poem springs from mere - and I do not say "mere" out of diminishment of the occasion - thought of those who have taken their lives, and how they could have been different only if . . . it is nonetheless graced by other considerations that an intelligent spirit loads into it.
I think you are saying it is NOT a trip without a road . . . though it sometimes is reduced to the cracks in the tile that trip one up.
You load the syntax here with rich ore. Very deep - but of course!
MSS
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