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This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-06-16 19:54:17 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Sunday Afternoon

Up the road around the bend The meadow presents to me again Native grasses envelop the terrain Shaped to mounds and hills sway As if painted on earth and sky Blooms dapple the land to greet Lady slippers, cow slips, trillium, Foxglove and anemones meet Bees gather at flower's peak The perfume wafts invade the blue Air burst potent, a live bouquet Sunshine's blessings led me to today A hush resides on unspoiled land The picture vast so far to see Depths and heights lie far beyond The worlds unto itself in me I'm but a small part to the whole And I experience the connection

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-07-03 23:54:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92857
Hi Dellena, The flow was bubbly and represented the enthusiasm and optimism you have always displayed in your approach to life. The imagery was good. I was caught a little off guard by the breaks in your scheme of rhyme and am not sure if you were following a set pattern - particluarly verse 1 and 4 which were different in terms of scheme from the 2 and 3. I also fee that the last two lines were like a big step on the brakes and jolted me off the exciting and vivid journey. They stand isolated and you might consider incorporating them into the whole piece. Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-06-28 09:38:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, very good imagery, and rhyme scheme with this write. Loved your first two verses; but stumbled with the third. Third line of third verse made me hesitate; would consider changing that to something else such as: Bees gather at flower's peak Perfume wafts invade the blue Potent bursts of airs bouquet speak... We are a small part to the whole of beauty in a Sunday afternoon - God does capture our intention with the beauty he's created around us - I enjoyed this poem, three wonderful verses - blessings, Deni

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-06-25 08:50:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
In the last line of the first verse, "hills sway" must be, hills that sway. I'm one to talk, but your last line could be improved to be more in keeping with the rest of the poem's rhyme scheme. A poem like this needs, as well, a more powerful or unifying last line. Besides connection to all around you is already adequately inherent to your poem. Some really well crafted lines, neat illusions, the "Air burst potent" is a wonderful sublimation of blossoms and, "The worlds (I like world better) unto itself in me" would be a much better last line than you have. JCH

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-06-19 09:02:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dellena, I liked this very much and it had a nice even flow that lent itself to an easy read. Your last two line did throw me, they seemed a bit incongruous to the write however your meaning was well taken. Perhaps the last two lines could be adjusted so they fit better with the rest of your theme but then that might just be me. L

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