This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-09-13 01:24:19 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Secret Love Letter

Penciling, Shading in hearts Made to love  To make love   In the night Clinging to faith  or four or more strengths weakening  My body desires to arrest your passion   Please erase this picture of motions of what my heart yearns for Release the song I want you to embrace evermore adore Before This sketch takes flight unaided to the cradle of aimless dreams

Copyright © September 2009 DeniMari Z.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2009-10-06 17:25:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni, Love the ending. "Unaided" and "aimless" . . . after that last poem, and now this, I feel like your watching me. :) MSS

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2009-10-06 17:25:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96000
Dear Deni This has much more of a lilt to it, a real gentleness. If you did send this love letter to anyone, they should be very pleased. Best wishes Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-09-21 18:01:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Another nicely done poem with good flow, an easy meter for the reader. Your words gently stroke the mind of the reader lamenting of an admired attraction that may or may not come to fruition.. Your format while unusual lends itself nicely to your poem emphasizing just the right words to bring your point home. I can find no faults and have no suggestions. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2009-09-13 12:50:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
I do believe this Secret Love Letter should be given or sent to the one it is meant for.....full of emotion, passion, desire and longing....yet surely not a hopeless situation I pray.....dreams are meant to be shared. Good Job....God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-09-13 01:50:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni, Solid ending - the icing on the cake on an evocative piece. I like the motion of the desparate sketching and all the pulsating activity in this 'moment'. I would recommend changing this -' my body desires to arrest your passion'. Something more unique would give this piece more power than it already has. I liked this. Duane.
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