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This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-09-13 19:15:10 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Tag Along

Had I a clue...as a boy when I was unkind? Blundering into a blouse with the first French kiss of mine. Too unmomentary with hints of need, Staggering with words to fill notions others feed. Would Childe Herald could he that stumbled along behind today To pretend innocence convincingly that my presence might stay Forgiving the shadows of mine own self-disdain.

Additional Notes:
Do we deserve the object of our passions? Seldom.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2009-09-16 10:39:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
JCH I think I'm often unclear because I am obscure. Here, I think you're unclear from plain old use of the language, though much more in S2 than S1 ... I can basically make out the scene, but it's kind of like vaseline over a window. Childe Herald (specifically in your usage) is either an (ironic?) allusion to Byron's "Childe Harold" or a plain misspelling. I'm initially inclined to the latter view because Harold was probably too world-weary to bother feigning innocence. But of course Childe tallies with tagging along, so ... ...heck, what the f@#$ do I know, anyway?? It seems to me overall that this one wants to get up and go, but is hampered by syntax. (The pot calling the kettle black?) MAH

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2009-09-15 22:17:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
JCH, Unmomentary - very nice. "Forgiving the shadows of mine own / self-disdain." A powerful line even more enhanced in light of what preceded: "that my presence might stay." "Do we deserve the object of our passions?" Not moment to moment. But Lincolnessly: part of the time yes, part of the time no. And that's largely because the object of our passions is likewise moment to moment. MSS

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-09-15 21:35:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Self-disdain? Be gentle with yourself for the past; is that - gone. As far as deserving the object of our passions it would depend individually on what they are - people do things, without thinking of the consequences; Why? I don't know, there are lows that people go to, which are facts of life, and extremes also. We learn; we live, I imagine any of us that read this poem has "self-disdain", tucked in under our coats, and your poem brings that message out. Very good first verse; and closing line. Blessings, Deni

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-09-15 00:27:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
James, I think another word for loving is respect. Of course passions could just be passions. As we mature, I think our view changes. Gone are thoughts of conquest. Beauty holds far different meaning. I care not for looks but more the confidence and kindness, and mindset. Thank goodness we grow. You sound like you were a 'dapper' young man. I'm sure you could win women over with your personality multitude of gifts given you. Neat insight! Dellena

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