This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-01-25 05:18:18 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Letting Go Is Easier In Your Own Time Trigger force
sends ghostly
night
of dark
frights
of once grew
in my womb
Shakes
then quakes
the screams
awake
another surrender
to stare
at the moon
Fools have said
"Feed grains of seeds
to the birds each day."
Allow your spirit to fly away,
as if the grains
could heal this pain
For your spirit to dissapear,
in time perhaps I'll let you go,
but not yet my angel dear.
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Copyright © January 2010 DeniMari Z.
Additional Notes:
I wanted to tell this person she was fool of bird s**t, but I'm a lady. Grief rears it's ugly head - nightly,
I need my heart to be strong.
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-02-04 11:09:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni,
I remember you lost your son and the grief you feel is laced into every line of this poem. I saddens me to read it, like I was peering into your soul uninvited. In time the grief will let go little by little until you learn how to live with it, and I wish you well on your difficult journey. A sad and evocative poem. Well done.
Best wishes,
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2010-02-01 22:15:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94872
Yep, sounds like some New Ager's advice. Surprised she didn't throw in some aroma therapy and birch leaf
tea. For it has to be "your own time", no doubt about it. We're all different and our love is not the
same either. I wouldn't venture to say I could grasp the depths of a mother's love and sense of loss.
Else I'd be no better than Miss Flippant here.
And nothing's to say you will ever get over all the pain and that I can grasp. I doubt I could and pray
I will never lose a child so dear to me.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2010-01-26 17:26:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni,
Most people are well-meaning and they never share the depth of anothers personal suffering unless they've lived throught it themselves. That they even try to offer relief says something about them. That it is or may be insufficient shouldn't really be held against them. In that, all are islands of their own depth and perceptions. Some empathize better than others and some are trained (grief counsellors) to offer more aid.
Ask yourself what your son would want for you now. From what you have said on TPL about him, he was precious to you and his family. Would this man want you to never recover from a decision he made for himself?
Sorry if I'm out-of-line, I'm just among many who have felt at a loss for words when such things happen to people. Mumbling something I can only hope helps.
Your poem is successful in sharing and portraying exactly how you feel, and in a way spoken truly only as a Mother could, and poetically spoken by imagery that carries the theme of grief not understood.
Terry
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-01-25 09:11:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni, this is an amazing poem. You've grown so much in not only spirit but in your ability to create a poem of no little importance that leaves me in awe of your word smithing. While very poignant this remains most eloquent and is so deep in the layers of emotions that you serve to those who will see. Yes, we learn to cope while I feel we never really let go. Each spirit is so very important and part of our own being that is as if someone chopped a piece of our being away. While we learn to live with the pain it does not deminish the ache that comes with nor leave us fuller where there is now an emptiness. Excellent in flow and verbiage choice. There is nothing about this poem that I would suggest to change, I think it is one of your best on grief, loss and love. Kudos my dear. Lora
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