This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-03-11 17:13:35 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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One Eve

Across the summer sky twilight drew near The lustrous air was velvet skin akin  to silk the lovely threads of eons by While through the high shown rainbows hues at dusk    A masterpiece, better than man's The Louver  Breathless souls were again renewed with grace From heaven sent to hold the heart in joy  Where man's exploits and wars cannot destroy Above the clouds, beyond all we'll rise

Copyright © March 2010 Dellena Rovito

This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2010-04-03 02:06:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, This is one of my favorite poems of yours, it is full of wonderful images and like a balm to the news, a breath of a truly positive spirituality. The poem just need a few little improvements, the spelling of 'Louvre'; and the first stanza ia awkward, did you mean to capitalize the line starting..."to silk..."? and I don't think you need the words, "While through", that line could start with, "The high shown rainbow...". Just saying, because I really like this poem. Terry

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-03-30 19:05:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
One Eve to silk the lovely threads of eons by (Maybe a comma after silk) While through the high shown rainbows hues at dusk (Drop “While”) A masterpiece, better than man's The Louver (Louvre) From heaven sent to hold the heart in joy (Comma after heaven) Wonderful thought “lustrous air/velvet skin”. This is a piece that sets the pace for an evening, or future reading. It is alive and introspective all at once. Although I understand the gist, I almost wish “where man’s….” hadn’t marred paradise. Alas, that is living, I guess. Excellent piece Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-03-21 23:10:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I've noticed a lean towards spirituality poems here, and this is a very good one Dellena. No flaws that I can find, no pauses through the flow, and your imagery is good. There are no words to decypher, or try to find the message intended. It's a journey for peace, the beauty of life stands out in your first verse. The ending fits, yes we'll all rise when called to, find eternal peace and leave the painful part of life behind us, earthly troubles over. Good poem, very nicely done, I enjoyed reading this poem. blessings, Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2010-03-11 19:18:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I think you could expand this into a beautiful sonnet. I've started it. Across the summer sky twilight drew; The lustrous air a silken gown Hues of all those missing eons; Yet no dusk's a dwindling palace And this a Sistine sky, this Louvre whose Blessed souls renewed with grace These heavens splashed up to warn and join Those whose exploits and whose wars destroy. So, upon this latent hour - Aye, Tis nigh - beyond demise for now we are. Across the gloaming twilight drew; And all of TPL dreams of you. You finish it. We need 4 more lines. A good start.
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