This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-04-14 14:43:29 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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A Cottage I thread the needle’s eye with colored string
to sew a cottage scene beside the sea
where flowery shrubs and lavender sings
I baste the path, the stones, the sky and tree
with every breath I stitch because I’ll free
a cozy little house I saw in dreams
where scattered whispers ride the winds alee
with pastel sprinkled blooms in every seam
while ivy covered walls hold vines that cling
and golden thread for morn with halo’s ring
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Copyright © April 2010 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-05-01 23:57:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Beautiful imagery in this poem Cheyenne, love the idea of stitching a place, your imagination is so unique, and enhances every poem you post. It's not so much about word choice with this poem, it's the way you've crafted your words to perfect this poem.
Very nicely done, I so appreciate your poetry, style and impressive pieces.
Best to you,
blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-04-30 17:28:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Cheyenne,
A wistful interlope into times past. Sitting doing needlepoint or embroidery.
Not done so much any more.
I use to do knitting, crochet etc. Gratifying, simple and fun.
Today fun is a lot different.
I feel the need for a cup of hot tea and a warm fire. Join me?
Nice pleasant poem.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-04-21 10:41:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. It made me feel good.
The high part of it is the look from dreams and reality to a beautiful moment.
By the way, cottage scenes, or anyting else beside the sea is a weakness of mine!!
Below are some suggestions, do as you will with them.
Thank you very much for sharing.
where flowery shrubs and lavender sings – on this line “shrubs†is a plural, therefore, “sings†should be “singâ€, which makes your rhyme perfect!!
I baste the path, the stones, the sky and tree (delete "the" in "the sky and tree"
with every breath (delte "I" we know who is stitching) stitch(ed) because I’ll free (delete "with")
a cozy little house I saw (change "I saw" to "I’ve seen") in (a) dream (not dreams (Fixes rhyme)
where scattered whispers ride the wind(‘)s alee
and golden thread for morn(‘s) with halo(change halo’s to "halo") ring (delete with)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-04-15 13:43:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Cheyenne this is such a gentle bright poem. The structure is tight and flows easily with colorful verbiage that creates picture perfect images. The subtle enternal rhyme helps to create a most pleasant sound as the poem is read aloud. Your descriptions are succinct as while presenting wonderful imagaes they also deftly depict the art of needle point or cross stitch...another postcard from days past. Thank you for treating us to this chance to step out of time and relax for the moment.
TC
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2010-04-15 12:41:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Cheyenne,
What a pleasure to read this poem. So relaxing. That's the dream that I always want to dream. The form is neet with the rhyming that enhance the topic. Keep writing.
Thanks,
Jordan
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