This Poem was Submitted By: Michael Bird On Date: 2010-08-29 20:42:29 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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You were there on the beach among the dunes Prarie grass shushing silently in the breeze The ribbons on your hat dancing about Your hair floating, pulsing,throbbing,beckoning For me to come hither I wanted to speak,I dare not Instead  I have captured your beauty and innocence  In a painting Sitting there staring Watching the ocean waves creeping Crashing noiselessly on the sand I look at you sitting among the dunes and wonder If I had spoken....

Copyright © August 2010 Michael Bird

Additional Notes:
This is about a painting that I have each time I look at it I have to take a few moments and take it all in.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-09-07 16:04:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Your verse takes in and breathes life to the painting. Adding, as you do, the personality of the watcher, and the watchers watcher to the scene. I like "creeping" and apropo use of the word, as well as the contrast of "crashing" and "noislessly". A very fine piece.

This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-09-02 17:23:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Hi Michael, I do like this poem. It is a stunning free verse and your word selection is excellent. I often write about the sea so I find this piece most enjoyable. Your last two lines are powerful and sum up the message well. Apparently the painting speaks to you as a poet. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-08-30 01:29:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
I really love the idea and motivation in this poem. One thing that stood out immediately were some contradictions of word choices - so I'll note that first. I wanted to speak,I dare not Instead I have captured your beauty and innocence In a painting Sitting there staring Watching the ocean waves creeping Crashing noiselessly on the sand If we're watching the waves, creeping upon the shore, and crashing, they will make a noise -define the noise you hear - I know you hear it... The last two lines are superb, honestly one of your best poems, and def worthwhile for my list for August. Elements and imagery, emotions and depth - very good, blessings, Deni
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