This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-11-10 15:52:48 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © November 2010 cheyenne smyth
Rose petals fall
on stark gravestones
morning shadows pass
with breaking light
in ocher skies
it’s hues the hardest
to hold in October’s hush
in marble spell
whispers of sadness
of sighs silently breathe
that weights of time
Sometimes she hears
his voice in winds
when night enfolds
fades too soon
Fingertips brush crisp petals
fresh scents grace the stone
Fragile knees meet the grass
she remembers, too late
rising up is difficult
A single tear falls
upon his name
and pools there
She wonders if that tear
is the only one
left to weep
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-12-04 16:09:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
How sad to miss the ones that are gone from our world.
I'd love to keep gathered the people I've loved forever, life would be so full.
And yet in memories they reside parts of us always.
Your love, sadness and loss resonate through this piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-11-30 10:07:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Cheyenne, this piece reminds me of my last visit to my father’s grave. The “fingertips”, and the “voice in winds”, it is a feeling that cannot be captured any other ways.
As for tears- those are shed elsewhere, at different times, but had I had a couple of shots before visiting him, and talking to him, there would have been waterworks.
This a special view of a universal vision. I’ll leave you with something a poet said, “sighs silently breathe with disbelief”, it is a part of living, and transference.
Thank you for sharing this.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-11-29 19:34:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Excellent write, of the sadness that comes with death, and your imagery could be myself at my own sons grave.
I hesitated before reading this but find you understand all too well, how the mortal mix with those that have passed and you have certainly topped another great poem here - that is mesmerizing and beautifully written.
on my list
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2010-11-10 23:01:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
How can one critique such a heart wrenching rendering such as you have offered us here. I want to reach out and offer you comfort in your sorrow during this time as you remember your loss. As i type this now I see a line above "rising up is difficult" and can't help but think that this line has such a double meaning in your poem. Yes after such a difficult loss, rising up is difficult, (not to mention rising up from creaking knees). I hope you will find, or perhaps you already have, that peace and solace comes in waves and there will be times that the tears seem to flood your eyes, and other times when you wonder when last you cried. Though i have not lost a husband, I have experienced significant loss and have had to come to terms with the loss of my own children at a very young age. At the time I was unable to even handle 'knowing' the loss, as i got older i have had to deal with remembering their story and ultimately grieving their loss. What you have written here seems to have truly come from your soul, where that healing is growing and slowly mending your grief. Your husband is with you in spirit - you clearly seem to know this as you hear his voice on the winds. Hold fast to the love you two shared and know that some time you will meet in spirit once again. As far as technicality - the only thing i want to say is your words deliver stunning images that are as real as the feelings held within your writing. Well done!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-11-10 17:32:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Oh shoot, just rip our hearts out and feed them to us...and no it won't be the last tear. Very powerful, woeful and humbling as we all will eventually pass by this way and leave someone behind. Your choice of words brings deep meaning and color to this easy moving poem. A fine FV whose line breaks work well leaving no need for punctuation. This poem weighs heavy on the heart as it must with all who have passionate emotions within. A most enjoyable read, no nits or spags. Lora
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