This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-01-15 09:48:46 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Fairytale Hell Draw to my circle
blinded eyes closed to the
perilous dark we undergo
a place that no one wants to know.
Mystery as a child fears
creeps under the bed at night
lies awake with fear and fright.
Famous tales by legends written to lullaby
pulls up the covers to whimper and cry.
"the wolf waited in the woods?"
"who fell down the rabbit hole?"
"blew down their house?"
"gingerbread boy devoured by a fox?"
"sleeping in MY bed?"
"a famine, a woodcutter and two children find a witch?"
"Peter who with pirates?"
along with a boy made of wood?
Stories to soothe
calm a child's mind
rest tonight all is fine.
The rocking chair creaks back and forth
mother has gone and shut the door.
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Copyright © January 2011 DeniMari Z.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-02-06 21:28:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni,
Very interesting spin...I have always had a creepy feeling about fairy tales anyway, this just describes my 'fears' that well. With the history I have had, everything I experienced as a child had a double meaning, fairy tales were no exception. Your phrase "draw to my circle" that opens this haunting poem, had an even deeper impact for me given my history of things that occurred in groups that came together in circles...Absolutely chilling. I can't really bring myself together well enough to give your poem the justice it deserves, it has hit that deep of a chord inside of me. I am glad though that you posted it...perhaps I am not the only one who has seen the things I have seen. The words flow well, I have no issues with form or function on this one.
Mandie
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2011-02-06 16:26:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni,
Cool. My score: 7.5.
MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2011-02-03 14:27:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Delightful. Contemplative. Amusing. So much in this!!
I adore how you've integrated the "nursery rhyme"
characteristic by ending stanzas with couplets. Very
creative, and gives that "rhyme" flavor to this piece
so very nicely! So many of the early ones were rapt
in violence, making one wonder why they chose to read
these to children just before sleeping...lol This was
included in this, as well, with perfect subtlety. The
visual aspects of this are wonderful, as well. Rich,
sharp images touch our memories and take us back. I
especially love how you chose to end this. The last
thing we "hear" is that rhythmic rocking and the soft
click of a door closing. Wonderful read!! I enjoyed
this very much.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2011-01-27 09:35:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni, such an unusual poem that probably speaks volumns for so many of us. Your words are well chosen and your descriptive usuage paints the images in your easy flowing poem. One small suggestion if I might; in the
second stanza:
Mystery as a child fears
creeps under the bed at night
lies awake with fear and fright
move your last line to be your second and possibly change "lies" to "lying"--this would put clarification to who or what is in fear and fright...
A most enjoyable read that does leave something to ponder. Good luck with the contest this month... Blessings, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-01-16 12:00:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
The summoning in the first stanza conveys the feeling like we are all gsthering around a camp fire to hear ghost stories. Well painted. The second stanza is as haunting as the monster that lives under a child's bed. The message is clear in this yet the clumping of questioned plot tales feels out of place. I like the nursery rhyme and "all is fine" just following and am wondering if this could be expounded with the clumped plots. Maybe even tied to each tale some how? The "creaking" rocker will surely keep me in my bed. Nice way to end it.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-01-15 14:02:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni - Greatly enjoyed the read.
Fairytale Hell - A strong and ambiguous title!
S1 – I like this verse because it symbolizes the human curiosity; certainly nobody wants to go there, but one cannot stop from desiring to know the story and ending. Truly, a place nobody wants to be, except in the tabloid view of the notions.
S2- I can say that I don’t recall the tales causing me discomfort, but I do know that there are many items that affect others, and children with their wild imaginative fascinations. I always had a love/fear relationship with the bedtime prayer- Now I lay me down to sleep- I thought dying was scary, but the verse was necessary; just in case. A wonderful characterization in this stanza.
S3 – and I like the wonderful, and the imaginative; my youngest daughter used to have nightmares, but for me; the imaginings have spurred more creation than the desire to disassociate. I think this is your best stanza!
S3/4 – Just enough knowledge, and brings back great memories.
S5 – didn’t Pinocchio end up being a feel good story that “soothes� There are those fairy tales as well, the “edifying†ones, but they were never as easily absorbed as the macabre representations.
S6 – I loved the door closing and Mother Goose in the rocking chair. A fitting, fantastic image to close this piece.
Den, a splendid, really splendid piece. Although the Brothers Grim maintains a certain level of macabre to almost every piece, there is also the mystery that inspires imagination. Mother Goose (Charles Perrault, I think), also falls into that category. Many more border and fascinate.
I don’t know about anyone else, but this is set to be one of the best of the month. A truly enjoyable piece!!
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