This Poem was Submitted By: Michael Bird On Date: 2011-03-11 21:29:55 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The chamber

The dark passenger has things pretty much figured out. Where,when and how to capture a victim The most necessary item though Is the processing "chamber" A converted camper with new stainless steel walls floor and ceiling Complete with sound proofing and a sprinkler system The sound proofing is rather explanatory in its own right But the sprinkler system is rather ingenious It totally flushes away any blood or flesh that should cling to the walls or ceiling All conveniently flushed through a large scuttle valve like on big ships Just pull over a manhole,and voila! All traces are gone forever,with no one the wiser No one,expect the dark passenger Who with each victim is continually evolving Searching,learning,ready to prowl once more 

Copyright © March 2011 Michael Bird

This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-03-18 17:09:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Michael, The darkness of this poem is stunning. It sounds like something stright out of Criminal Minds...the TV show. A serial killer is what the theme implies and even though I tried to attach a metaphor I could not. You might want to break up the very long lines in two for sake of the meter. A dark, brooding and well written poem. Best wishes, cheyenne

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-03-13 15:10:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Definitely a frightening write along with the normal verbiage to create a scene for murder. Like the idea of "chamber" for thoughts to be processed along with expect - no one expects a crime would come in to their life at any time yet we read about these things daily and see them on media coverage. Nothing to change as this story stands on it's own level of dark deeds done to others. Blessings, Deni
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