This Poem was Submitted By: Michael Bird On Date: 2011-09-10 15:35:00 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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When the Dark Passenger comes calling

I remember when the dark passenger Came for his first ride so long ago Like a thief in the night he comes slithering Creeping like a fitfull dream of awakening And crawls through your mind into your very soul By then you are in to deep to recover Even though I was quite nervous and unsteady  The guidance of the dark passenger was uncanny Jagged and rough dissections were quickly replaced Incisions became so very smooth and tidy Any competent surgeon would be most envious You learn to act and think quickly A no mess,no fuss sort of thing So many uncountable victims now Always watching the shadows of darkness  When the morning light comes streaming in I`ll do it again and again Death is but a blink of an eye

Copyright © September 2011 Michael Bird

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-09-24 22:08:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The person of death; there is the image of the visitor, the reason for the visit, all play within the same substance. One is the servant to the other, who is to the other, who then refers to the first. I wondered as I read, what would make me watch for the shadows, or the coming, or simply the relevance in the moment of the dark one. I could issue the feeling in war, or a wreckage as I awaited rescue, or some sort of less ignominious occasion; and then there is also lifeā€¦ which in reality is set in a setting that is destined to death and therefore, waiting or not, death will come, nevertheless. An interesting read, of darkness and death and anticipation.

This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-09-17 17:50:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Michael, "to deep = too deep" The darkness of this poem is delicious and well penned. You have chosen some stunning words which are compelling, descriptive and superb. Dark poetry appeals to me and they are usually easy for me to write. Guess that makes me a bit weird. I like everything about this poem and the ending is most effective. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-09-13 14:48:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deep, dark with death as the message that stands out in this chilling write - Great imagery and in time for the haunting coming next month. Unique and certainly noted for the overall morose tone concerning how quickly a life can end. My only question would be why you chose not to capitalize the last two words of the title, and one tiny slip in your 6th line, to needs to be too deep. Otherwise quite entertaining with horror that leaps out to the reader. blessings, Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2011-09-13 03:16:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
A metaphor that talks about reality. I like the presentation of your thoughts, metaphorically done! Thanks for sharing with us!
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