This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-11-05 00:57:14 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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I Drift I know not where the future lives
in marvel or surprise
We come alone in life and death
His mercy binds the wise
And if my heart and flesh are weak
to bear an untried pain
the bruised path He will allow
to strengthen and sustain
And so beside the silent sea
I wait the muffled oar
I know His love will sail with ease
to ocean’s lazy shore
I know not where His heaven’s bloom
with rainbow’s arch in air
I only know I cannot drift
beyond His loving care
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Copyright © November 2011 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-12-01 23:38:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Simply inspiring, and I've noticed a trend in writers here leaning towards more spiritual pieces. I wonder if the coming holiday is giving everyone the muse to write such beautiful pieces.
This truly stands out to me; and tells me not only do you have faith but you understand how religion places focus in your life and a direction to follow -
Very lovely,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2011-11-07 06:28:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne,
What a beautiful testament to God's glory. I kept thinking of the word testimony as I read every stanza of this poem. I love that you traditionally stick to form, and the poem does not come off as quirky or not serious. Sometimes this happens with traditionally formatted poetry, but I like this, and it reads really well.
There's a calm assurance that comes across as you read this poem. I think that the title is also testimonial. It's encouragement for readers.
The poem possesses and emits a calm, and he stanza gets stronger and stronger yielding a thought and moral compass for the reader to grasp. It's an honesty that appears with each stanza, and I know that's attractive to readers.
A sense of calm emanates through the poem, and it's great to read something reassuring like this because we all "drift.". Thanks for sharing. This is important.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-11-05 12:02:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
cheyenne, I must admit I am partial to those who (at least often) tread the lines of rhyme. Rhyme is a necessity for this beautiful verse you composed. It sets the pattern for creation along with the personality of the deity.
Your final lines, of the all embracing love of God are amazing, in a descriptive discourse rather than direct statement. It makes an allegory of the path, while fulfilling the course of the allegory.
S2L3 suggestion only: bruised the path he will allow
Your “silent sea†and the “muffled oar†a perfect make a perfect simile for guidance through life, as does “ocean’s†as a simile for the life one lives.
Simply a marvelous, seaworthy journey beneath his countenance.
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