This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2012-02-12 18:12:57 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Catching the Moment On flypaper:
I caught a fly
the common big
buzzing black fly
the lure is sticky
the ordeal icky
I believe he'll die
he was annoying
he lands on skin
that I live within
he can land most anywhere
but he mustn't even try
to lie, upon my flesh!
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Copyright © February 2012 Dellena Rovito
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2012-03-07 23:13:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Well, a lark is a lark is a lark. We sometimes muse over the damnedest things. Hot days and buzzing flies...
drowsy hypnotics. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2012-03-07 19:03:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Dellena
This a fun one...an ordinary moment, nicely magnified.
I can feel my stomach churning :-)
Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-03-03 11:35:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70000
Hi Dellena,
I love the humor in this piece but looking deeper into the words I think the fly may be a metaphor. Perhaps a love affair that went wrong or for life where we encounter many flies. Maybe I am making too much of it instead of just enjoying a lovely poem and the humor therein. Well done.
Best wishes,
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2012-02-16 11:32:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Humorous and I trust this is really about flies and their propensity to be everywhere when we don't want them to be anywhere near us. I'm battling cagy little ants so I can relate -
Very nice work - and uplifting to the spirit -
blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2012-02-14 23:07:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
How delightfully original Dellena, good flow, great choice of words and placement. I could visualize the scene with ease and even hear the pesky buzz of the intrusive flying pest. Yep, I agree with you and think your ending is spot on. Bravo! Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-02-13 10:28:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, first a truism and fun piece. I hate to say it but I immediately thought about Noel Paul Stookey singing –I know an old lady who swallowed a fly- totally unrelated but it was the impact this fun and obscure piece had on me.
The line that hit me with a philosophical bent was –he lands on my skin – that I live within- what a wonderful thought, it will take many thoughts for me to encapsulate in my mind the full impact of those words.
I would like to feel some sympathy for the fly, but I cannot (wherever he lands or flys) but I cannot- I can only transmit my compassion and sympathy for the author- who was nicer to the fly than I would have been.
A nice, fun piece.
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