This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2014-09-13 13:03:26 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Thorns
I can not fault the wind
That blows within
The hollow of my
Being
Or fault the dark that
So starkly reminds me of
The loss of your touch so
Gently upon me
I will not fault
The rocks that lie hidden
Before your shores
If I choose the embrace the
Rose that is you
I can not fault
the thorns
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Copyright © September 2014 Joe Gustin
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2014-10-03 13:48:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Very poignant poem Joe. The loss conveys a strong message to the reader - sometimes there are no faults - things happen in life that we persevere through striving to be free of any pain - yet how wonderful you ended this piece - in a metaphoric verse - Every rose has thorns - every one has flaws -
great poem,
blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia L McCaslin On Date: 2014-09-26 01:16:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
There has been a loss to you, a lover, either by leaving, but I think it's by death, and though this loss is crushing you, you do not lay the blame anywhere. I wonder if it's a death at sea perhaps, b/c "wind", "dark", & "rock that lie hidden before your shores"--like a shipwreck of some kind.
And are you saying that if you choose to think of her "the embrace, the rose that she is" though it is painful you will not even fault the thorns. I like the first two verses the best b/c of the "wind--within" sound and the "dark--so starkly" rhymes, even in their odd rhythm. Actually, that rhythm is perfect for your subject here with wind and dark. I wanted to hear it again in the third and fourth verse, but if wasn't in the 3rd, then I thought surely it should come in the fourth. (Kind of like the musical riff you wait the whole song for). This poem kept me searching to piece the story together--everybody loves a story! Good job. I enjoyed.
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