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Below you will see ALL of the Critiques that Marcia L McCaslin has given on The Poetic Link.
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Displaying Critiques 1 to 37 out of 37 Total Critiques.

Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by Marcia L McCaslinCritique Date
Sigur RosJames C. HorakJames--this, copied from Wikipedia: band from Reykjavík, which has been active since 1994. Known for its ethereal sound, frontman Jónsi Birgisson's falsetto vocals, and the use of bowed guitar,[2] the band's music is also noticeable for its incorporation of classical and minimalist aesthetic elements. The band is named after Jónsi's sister Sigurrós Elín.[3] I would have been hard-pressed to say anything about this piece of art without the help of the internet. (YAY!) But I see now words like "ethereal", "falsetto", "aesthetic" match what you are describing. And I do like the "gender--tender" rhyme and meaning at the end. I will have to go on iTunes to listen to this group, but I do thank you for introducing them to me in the form of a short poetic effort. Marcia McCaslin 2015-03-01 21:05:37
Were I TemporalJames C. Horak James, this is totally poetic to my way of thinking, such a good read, and rhymes and inner-rhymes, none contrived at all, just falling into place by a real poetic mind. I love “But I digress…” because it made the 1st S. a bona fide “think/walk” that made this reader wonder where you were going, and then had to change direction a little, b/c we weren’t going ‘there’ (incidentally like the “hearth” “growth” change of true rhyme); then suddenly my heart breaks at the true genius of the last 3 lines. You snapped a lot of areas in my brain in these few short lines. A joy. Marcia McC2015-02-25 14:19:05
At the Grave of Hart CraneMark Steven SchefferMark! So glad to see your work again. Well I went to Wikipedia to read up on Hart Crane so I could possibly tell where you were coming from. Sounds like his life and death were both enigmas, and I think your poem describes these enigmas very well, alluding at things but not able to draw a conclusion, b/c--well, no one knows for sure. It does puzzle me, though, Mark, why poets like Hart Crane and Sylvia Plath find the path to suicide so deliciously lighted, as though of all paths, it is by far the best one. I don't live in that world. I don't have a suicide path. My path to gracious living is the only lighted path I have. But you have gathered threads from all over and tried to tie the ends--if it worked or not, I do not know. Thanks for posting. Great to see you back. We need you!2015-02-19 22:29:17
EulogyThomas H. SmihulaThis, to me, is your description or perhaps interpretation of a “life”, a “person”, a “soul” that you also poetically describe as a stone overturned. And if I’m reading it right, you put a whole life in the context of a whole day, from Dawn to Dusk, only pausing at noon to reflect or consider letting life end there or going on with the rest of the day where you are able to see that the though the road behind was difficult, the road ahead is more treacherous yet. You hint that each soul knows its own abilities to a certain extent, its own assigned path and its own assigned time left. Finally, after life’s frustrations which causes perspiration to actually “cool the senses” (nicely put) the soul, after all is looking for a place to rest. At last, as a natural progression, the life form halts, relishes (nice thought) and knows that a new light will take its place or as you say, prevail. The whole creative outlook of this piece is so unique, the thought processes so unusual, the ideas, even, so enlightening to my way of thinking that I am left rather in awe. But…awe…is good! Thanks for posting such an erudite piece, Thomas. Marcia McCaslin 2015-02-10 15:30:58
The WindJames C. HorakJames I would call this poem anything but bleak! “Copy me the future?” Reminds me of one of my favorite Christian evangelists, a physicist, Chuck Missler, who says it is clear to him that we are living in a digital universe. This line ‘smacks’ of that. That being said, I would like to know more about the pattern of civilizations in decline. Would you be so kind as to explain that to me. Every line veils a larger, metaphysical truth—but copy me the future wins the day for me. Marcia 2015-02-10 11:23:40
A Man Eats ChocolateJoe GustinJoe—I don’t know what to say and don’t know where to begin (but it’s a good thing); Personally, I think it’s your best work so far. I was absolutely entranced and my mind produced the illustrations that a slim book would do. I was reading with half a mind looking for words and metaphors to be doubled-up as can happen in a piece this long, and I didn’t find it—every line a fresh new picture described in fresh new words. Actually, it’s quite hard to find a favorite Stanza, but I believe I like “An early morning moon glances over its shoulder…” I think the line: “there was two large ones” needs to be changed to were—and one other line if off a bit: “they’re are not nymphs” Did you mean they’re ALL not nymphs? Anyway, I’ve been wondering where you were—and now I think I know—you were working on a very beautiful and complicated piece. Thank you for posting. I enjoyed this very much! Marcia2015-01-24 12:24:08
ChristoLora SilveyLora, to put yourself into the mind of a small child is amazing here, and this reader gets the strong idea that there is great love and understand of these little children. Even your meter is gated to the steps of a little one, first learning to walk (& loving it of course!). Child is walking with her loving Nana, on the one path well-known, but look! a feather. That wasn’t there before and there is great interest. Child “taps the air with the feather, more taps to see what happens. You have certainly “captured” some moments/thoughts of a “hidden world” where the occupant is as yet unable to describe it to you. Wow. You’ll have to tell me how the title fits in. Thank you for posting this most insightful piece. Marcia McCaslin2015-01-20 22:32:19
If I Should SpeakLora Silvey Lora, what a wonderful surprise to see a new-to-me name and fine expression of poetry. It is lovely, and deep and reverent and honest. For someone familiar with the Bible, it is verse after verse of the Christian message put into your own unique syntax “Remove this worldly cloak” suggests a feeling we all have, as if, we had to wear big clumsy gloves to fix a watch. How much better we could work without the worldly cloak. “Lift this curse, which imprisons me,” expresses the same idea, and we all feel it at times, like the dreams we have where we are trying to run fast in sand and we get nowhere. I think the first verses make a perfect pedestal for the last, which is a gem, and again for Bible believers we are always subject to the ignorance (& maybe lack of discernment) that squanders the most precious gift. I have thrown my pearls to swine countless times and hated myself afterward BUT I have no doubt that the “seeds of hope” and of “life everlasting” do and will continue to proclaim His Kingdom. Brava! Marcia McCaslin 2015-01-18 12:35:15
WeirdMedard Louis Lefevre Jr. The compelling aspect of this piece is that it sounds like a guy, alone, talking to himself. When I talk to myself, it comes out just like that—little puffs of thoughts that have randomly made their way through my head. So, at once, I felt comfortable reading this, and it didn’t matter if the lines cohered or not. It is more realistic if they do not but present themselves in a random non-order because that is one of the beauties of thought. Three lines are my favorite “too painful to write sober” (love that!) “your rubber band shot still sticks the mark” (more story there?) and your ending “I don’t give you enough credit”—however the last line takes me back to Line 15 “I guess you knew or maybe you were just stupid”—was someone being stupid about an illness or just didn’t want to face facts. Forty years ago, she was quite young. I feel there are stories within stories here, but sometimes poems have to give us peaks and no valleys; otherwise you have a short story. Very interesting read and so good to see the participation. Marcia 2015-01-16 13:26:20
What IsJoe GustinYou have made a little cube of paradoxes and I'm not sure I have the answer, except to surmise that your first seven lines are asking what the difference is (or differences are) and I'm just guessing the missing ingredient is love, which you handle nicely in your last two lines, yet still contradictory: LOve waits for no man yet love waits for all. It seems you are saying we can have it both ways--can we? I know in Poet Speak we can have whatever we imagine. Nice, tight piece--rather riddle-ish. Maybe when you write back you can explain what it's saying to YOU! Thanks for posting. Marcia2015-01-16 00:11:11
The sameness of everydayMedard Louis Lefevre Jr. Hi Medard. So surprised and delighted to see you participating again! My favorite line—really caught my breath—made me say “I wish I’d thought of that!” I watched the years bury the days and on their graves I placed my flowers. Excellent line! I really have to take exception of what you said in your notes. There are fine expressions and heart-felt longings and puzzlement in your words. “wineless minutes” is another. Starts out reminding me of “The Highwaymen” song: (I died but I’m still alive). So this piece is kind of like each thought you have is a dice, rolled helter-skelter out on the table and then you have put them in an order that seemed orderly to you, and then we the critiquers come along and merely tell you what your piece said to US. That’s the extent of my talent, right there. So I may completely miss what you’re trying to say—but what difference does it make—I am richer for the lines that are new and fresh and make me read them twice. “decorate a memory”—another jewel of a line—I’ve never heard it before and I read a lot. So I have to ask you to reconsider ‘commenting’ on my poems. I have Zero Ego concerning them, Medard—if you were to say you have no interest concerning my subject matter and my form or lack of it puts you to sleep, I’d jump up and down to think you took the time to tell me. Tell people how their writing made you feel—good, bad, indifferent. Did you like the rhyme or lack of it. Did you like the alliteration or lack of it. All I know for sure is when I check the site and no one has a word to say, I feel let down. The writing of the poetry is a solitary, lonely business—but the conversations during critiques is fun, and social, and makes us a community no matter how far apart we live. So, please reconsider. And thanks so much for posting b/c the site needs a major transfusion. It’s a great site, but if no one ‘plays’ it will die. Thanks again. Good luck always. Marcia McCaslin PS. I, too, am reclusive in my personal life. I only engage well on the internet.2015-01-14 12:12:40
Suitor Seeking JusticeJames C. Horak James, certainly poetic and creative, giving the reader a chance to look at certain emotions and reactions in a fresh way. “trudging on emotional ice”—now there’s a phrase to add to my Favorites! I’m assuming, since this is a suitor seeking justice that “disease created out of loss” boils down to dis-ease, perhaps? The last line is intriguing—and I’m wondering if you have tied it in with your opening line? Even a pin-prick can be a terrorist act, but who is the “upper crust” who do the ‘scientific concluding’. I hope you’ll help me out here to better understand. Thanks for posting. We need a transfusion on this wonderful site. Marcia McCaslin 2015-01-12 22:00:55
Right nowJoe Gustin Joe, the title has an urgency about it that whets my curiosity instantly. It is not the type of title one says—“oh, I’ll read ‘RIght Now’ later”. The short staccato lines are sort of urgent and to-the-point like the old teletype machines —short little blips with messages of importance. It is direct and dart-like until the soft and beautiful ending which re-funnels the whole tone—“the beautiful impossibility of love without a leash. I think a person will read this rapidly for the reasons stated above, and then go back and study the lines and let them slowly do their work. Very nice. Thanks for posting. Marcia2015-01-09 13:21:27
"Christmas Blessings To All"DeniMari Z.DeniMari: I am so relieved to just hear from you, you can't imagine.. I didn't know how to ask you what was wrong. You were a vital 1/4 or 1/5 of TPL each month, and then nothing. I hope you find a way soon to talk about your deepest feelings in the form of verse or prose. I, myself, am halfway through my 6 month chemo treatment, so know something of the treadmill you find yourself on! I look forward to the day you feel strong enough to post. In the meantime, my thoughts and prayers are with you for a full recovery. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Your fellow poet person LOL Marcia McCaslin2014-12-24 19:39:33
When You Get ThereJoe Gustin Joe, is this a follow-up to Loss? If so, it sounds like a recovery piece on the awful road away from grief. S1 is an excellent opening, in its universality, in that I think it speaks for every human being who has looked for answers. Hope is the essential word here and I was glad to see it in the first line. “wings as large as the love you shared”, very original at least to me and descriptive. Everyone, too, identifies with a contagious laugh, and people with a keen sense of humor are always ‘known’ for it—remembered for it. That he will restore your sight—my first thought was of course he restores our sight—but then that’s me and this is your hope. S4 is a very keen verse—“that you will be aware”. I’ve wondered that a million times—are they aware of us anymore or does God relate our thoughts (this can be good or bad, you know, depending on if we loved the person or did not!) Your concept of roads of winds and starlight that sings gives us an excellent ending picture. A joy to go through line by line. Marcia 2014-12-08 12:38:32
The Anatomy Of LustJoe Gustin Great title—drew me right in! A few, not too many, rhym-y sound-alikes for my ears to play with while my brain is catching up and while my eyes are reading ahead. Really like this. You take the reader on several intriguing-but-dead-end excursions only to end up…(drum roll) at the EAR. So, IMO, you have just played with our sense of humor, effectively. This one was fun to write, I know. (Isn’t that a good half of it???)2014-11-30 14:22:08
EclipseMedard Louis Lefevre Jr.Medard: Oh! I like it! Right off the bat, the rhythm caught me up in its dance beat—kinda tango-ish, but not quite. “chases the sun, holds it fast” my favorite line. But it’s the last line that really puts the music to the hot beat “song sang lunar, earthsine tune.” Just goes to show you that a rhythm can define a poem as easily as metaphors! This has both. Pleasure to read.2014-11-23 21:57:49
The OarsmanMark Steven Scheffer I’m looking at this poem as more of a strong and brightly-hued painting. Of course in a painting, there is no motion, except implied (i.e. of a horse running), but words allow us more motion to give the idea of it. Nonetheless, my ear does like rhyme now and again, and the notion, ocean, motion not only satisfies my ear, but happens to be a rocking two syllables. Also you mention “regular rhythm” and my imagination takes that as if you meant it—right there. “mask of achievement” interests me. It’s the mask-part b/c it is the look we wear (sort of on purpose) when we have just achieved something, but also a mask b/c a broom straw can break our bubble and the mask of achievement falls away. “what will come in its time and without him”—well, I guess that’s everybody. Not sure what “fixes” him and bolts him with the rocks unless it’s the eternal ‘now’. Anyway, strong—good choice of strong words and I do see color in this, although none is listed. Thanks for posting.2014-11-17 15:38:17
LossJoe Gustin I think you did a really good job at making us understand your loss. Your use of the one-liner makes us understand the focus of your pain. Crying the darkness from my heart…very good IMO, and no longer a sweetness to my endeavors, same: clear but stated in very poetic terms. Actually, I’m getting something of value to me from every line you’ve chosen. Glad you mentioned the bargains b/c all of us relate to that—it’s a part of how we are when we’ve lost something. Great pain I feel here, but also your attempt at healing. (last S—shouldn’t that be “than”?) Using “color” in the last S does suggest that you are trying to get some color back into your world. Simple but poignant. My kind of poem. Thanks for posting.2014-11-17 15:32:43
Dog DreamingMark Steven Scheffer “with something like regret at making his poem.” Well, being a dog watcher I was right there with you on the whole thing, and feeling pretty proud of myself for having advanced a rung to be able to say that—and then that last line. Now my spirit said to me: Marcia, that is a darn-good line—think about it, so I did have to to and it came to me that dogs do exhibit “something like regret” and then I was really ‘taken’ with it! We have two rescued dogs, and the big lab was really abused for 6 yrs. My heart has always gone out to her (now she has a good home) and I often stop and rub her and scratch her while she’s resting/sleeping and you can see she really enjoys it. Sometimes, she wrinkles up with a “smile”—but the second I quit, there’s that sort of sigh/resignation that “it was too good to last” LOL & she has that regret look as she goes back to sleep. YAY. So, bottom line, great piece. Thanks for posting!2014-11-15 10:18:31
My BibleMark Steven Scheffer Mark—I have never had 23 bibles, but when I go to Bible Gateway (daily) to read I often look up certain passages on the 23 or more versions they have there, if there is a verse that I just need “More” on. I Am who I Am. Tell them I Am sent you. So there is the crux and there is the part I understand. And then, you sort of turn it to yourself and say I will be what I will be. So I think that’s pretty clever and I like having to think that hard, but not much harder LOL. I think I can tell that you are friends with Our Lord by the “now I own one from Thy bookseller for the bargain”—friends, good friends talk that way. As always, you get pretty lofty in the middle and like to “loft-it-up” for us to test our skill LOL—but you know it says a lot and it made me open my bible to Ex 3:14 and that’s always good, so I’d say it’s a very nice poem, “lofty” thoughts, interesting ‘conversation’ and probably most pleasing to Our Lord. I couldn’t imagine why not. Thanks for posting.2014-11-14 20:11:33
Circe's IslandMark Steven Scheffer Ok, Mark—I can only try—give it my best shot. First, I appreciate a work like this, all cobbled up poetically between myth and some truth maybe and allegory. Something in me does get lulled. Something in my spirit does understand, but I have just realized I write doggerel & for us doggerel folks, we are somewhere lagging way behind LOL. Not that I mind. I read on Wiki about Circe and what she did with people and men and animals and seems to me she was evil, and yet people who love mythology (I went to college with a gal that did), they find something there that like you say you don’t want to be human anymore. The half-daughters, ok, I kind of understand by ready Circe’s magical powers. I do kind of wonder what your mother had to do with it—if she already knew what you would need from the jar, but again, I’m sort of a simple person who rhymes slade with paid and calls it good LOL. But your work is always challenging and it deserves a much better critique than I could ever give it, except to say, the unseen waves do rock me and I do get a sense of lulling and other-wordiness from it. Thanks for posting.2014-11-14 19:02:06
I Smelled the RainMedard Louis Lefevre Jr.This poem ‘reads’ like a vision one might have with its telling in exact terms what the poet saw, even if those things contradicted each other at nearly every turn. There is a sense of questioning, a sense of not understanding, a sense of knowing that there was a physical storm brewing in all its grandness, but also a storm brewing in the poet. I’m not sure what it means: “by the uprooted grey”, but it is my favorite line. What I like most about this piece is it is ‘visionary’ ‘ethereal’ ‘vague’ (to me) perhaps prophetically ‘scary’ but it starts on the ground with the title “I SmelledThe Rain”—and it ends on the ground with the familiar and the universal “I smelled the rain before I saw the storm.” I enjoyed it very much. Thanks for posting.2014-11-10 14:44:34
ThoughtThomas H. SmihulaSite still not fixed, but better. I like the 5-7-5 better. Alliteration is interesting; I had just put on a more detailed critique than this, but site went haywire and obliterated everything I did. Anyway. 5-7-5 my preference. Thanks for posting2014-11-05 18:30:34
Wrapped UpThomas H. SmihulaYour opening two lines are crisp, clear, and I’d say, universal. I could have written them because it is such a well-known dilemma. I’ll bet others will identify the same way (which is a good thing) Personally, I love to know where a poem is going in the first few lines or first stanza. I like to know where it’s going and then enjoy the scenery that the poet is going to show me. Lines 3 and 4—again clear and universal; how many times have I done the “now now now now” mantra and realizing that ‘now’ is too fleeting to even be real. “too busy to just keep up” has me happily scratching my head. It feels like a paradox and if it is, then you’ve done a masterful job. If it’s a paradox, then IMO it is the centerpiece of the entire poem. The next line too is a kind of contradiction in terms. I usually think of “momentum” as in gaining or gathering, but in thinking it through I realize a person place of thing can lose momentum, but “stronger” implies a gain and that stronger gain is trying to slow things down. Anyway, it made this reader ‘dig’ a little bit, and personally I think it was good. Lines 7, 8 again puts opposites together effectively, and I’m glad you introduced the word “puzzle” because I can see with all the tug-of-war words and phrases you’ve used, you need to let the reader KNOW that is, after all, a puzzle. Nearing the completion of the mosaic of life, Time is exhausted and it must be put away in its container And then Wrapped Your ending is perfect in that it is beautifully described in the most poetic and IMO original terms. Thanks. Poems from the poetic link 10/28/14 2014-11-05 18:24:22
TimeJoe GustinJoe, I am glad you used the word fluidly--the poem needs it to swim into place and then slowly out of place for the eye. Describing time like a naked lover is a perfect 'now', 'now', now' episode for us to absorb the picture, the meaning, try to get it fixed in place and then to make it slip away, like all things 'now'. It slips into our mind's eye where it lives, perhaps not with the original vibrance and color, but a good proximity.2014-10-20 17:58:41
PreyJoe GustinInteresting concept, Joe--almost riddle-esque! A romantic "play" concept on several levels, where the cat enjoys the stealth of the hunt, and you, the hunted, are enjoying the cunning of it too. I fought you b/c you needed the right--right on! Fascinating that you can see it and remain intact. A real cat-and-mouse lovers' game with both sides in full understanding of what the relationship needs. Every bite I became more yours, and you seem to understand the need of it and not mind. This is almost the telling of someone standing 'above' the relationship, the game, narrating, and seeing the needs of both: predator and prey. Again, what a concept. Nicely done.2014-10-20 17:51:24
Within the PoemThomas H. SmihulaBravo! Yes! Something I can connect to with each and every line. Honestly I've been waiting for a poem just like this: poetic but clear. A truth which only the author knows--yes I've noticed that too, and yet, each reader will incorporate the sensations that relate to him or her. In that way, it's kind of a riddle. I like the very subtle rhyming, fulfilled & will; grasped from the past--not too much--not sing-songy, just enough to entertain the ear and possible make the ear want more. Clever. S2--its is not possessive here. Thanks for posting. I thought the LInk died.2014-10-17 17:57:30
ScotlandJames C. Horak James, I don't know the history of this person "Wallace" or how he relates to Scotland--but any poem that begins with Drawn and quartered he was, my goodness, gets my attention. I take it Wallace was a patriot who died for freedom (maybe of speech?). Anyway, to sum up the poem, I love the grisly beginning (I do) and I love the form you've chosen, the way you have a pillar with FREEDOM at its base and 'wings' or 'shelves' coming out. The eye is held captive on this one. Thanks for posting. 2014-10-06 13:41:14
When the Tear Becomes a DiamondJames C. Horak I have gone back to this piece and back to it again and I get something 'new' from it each time. One of the things that surprised me, and is uncommon is your rhyme with toward and sword--a great rhyme that you don't often see, if you ask me. But then you had more to say, so "undone" comes afterward on a line of its own. I think this is (a) very creative and (b) a little avant garde, which is fun. I think the fallen tear hardened to diamond in HOPES is a good concept to build your poem around; I also think it could be applied to many situations where tears do fall. Thank you for posting.2014-10-06 13:24:45
The PathThomas H. Smihula Hi Thomas. You "just wanted to write something"--wow, do I know that feeling. I do think you've tried to put a lot of subject matter into 12 short lines LOL, but that's what we all try to do. I looked up your profile, just to help me get insight and saw that you haven't posted anything for what, 2 years? Me too, except I think my last posts were in 2004. So we're dipping our pens in the inkwell again. First off, I very much like the form you've chosen, the two longer rhyme-lines and a short line for summation, maybe, or emphasis. "Its dark" is interesting--not possessive--as you have it, makes "dark" an entity of its own. If it were possessive (It's dark) is a little more commonplace. The way you have it stretches the mind a little--kept me going back and trying to see "dark" as the entity. A fun exercise. S3 IMO should replace S4 as it seems to be a summation of what you're saying and then play back to your title "along the path". S4 "maybe" needs to be two words, right? There may be ice etc. I think the line "this is life..." with the ellipsis is too general. I think you should insert something that refers to 'struggle' maybe or yearning. If you're of a mind to, play with it a little bit. And if you're happy the way it is, then leave it--it's your poem after all. You have all the power LOL.2014-10-04 11:35:18
Invisible AnchorDeniMari Z. Invisible Anchor Some things in life will never be just water under the bridge – The depth and width of this water Colossal Swallows a soul . so deeply allowing brief moments of life’s breath and air to emerge DeniMari--this first verse hit me like a ton of bricks. I had honestly never thought of "water under the bridge" in that way, and if the poem had stopped right there, before the dash, I'd have been completely satisfied with it!! LOL. Before I read that, I thought there was something the matter with ME (heaven forbid) but you have put it in universal terms and I know it's not just me anymore. "Colossal" is the perfect word there, and standing alone gives it the proper impact. Swallows a soul so deeply (almost too deep for us to imagine) allowing--(here, I think it needs a descriptive word of how brief--i.e. "too" "only" "painfully" (just my opinion). IN other words it feels so brief we just barely live through it. Maybe, just a thought. Now for the end--I don't think it's necessary. THe main body is such a powerful message that the picture at the end draws the mind away to a softer place, and it would seem to me you don't want your reader to be a in softer place after he faces the hard truth that you have just delivered. So, look at me now--someone has just validated that there are indeed some things that simply cannot be "water under the bridge" I can tell how you love to write! I'll be watching for more. Marcia McCaslin2014-09-30 18:39:20
“Daddy . . . "Mark Steven SchefferI really like this for the way it makes me feel. I, too, was a part of the old trains, but you have made me look at them through new eyes, and also realize that my children did not get to even see them, let alone appreciate them. Like you say, you think all this grandeur was wasted on the likes of you. I think it wasn't wasted, b/c a nostalgic poem came out of it which in the end might be far more enlightening to your boy. We don't know. I would have loved to have seen the Wright Brothers too, but had I been there, it might have been just a cold windy day with two ordinary kids down the lane. Your imagery is superb here. "whispers he doesn't hear echoes fearfully in his old man's caverns" best line IMO--and is the glue that holds the poem together. I saw a crash-landed B-29 during WWII that was the most thrilling experience, but my kids can watch the whole war on Youtube, and so does Time March On. Thanks for a good read & a trip down Philosophy Lane LOL. 2014-09-26 09:49:01
Young Couple In LoveJoe GustinIt would seem that this Couple In Love has indeed run faster than the years and clearly seen all the pitfalls of couples nowadays, the worst and most dangerous being jealousy (the beast best left abandoned) (good line) and that aging is in fact a familiar face that is still considered beautiful. They have realized that love is not a matter of biology (alone) but of destiny (another good line). I think you sum it up concisely in the poetic "Flames without candles" meaning love is the candle, and "love without need" which is a rarity, but ideal. (I do think Line 4 should be "than"). All in all, a good summation of a young couple with wisdom. 2014-09-26 08:50:52
HomeMark Steven SchefferThis is you, giving us short (clever) clips into your thought processes. I like the speed and how you point the reader, here, then there, then over here. "Your wife pops in, like gas on gunpowder, lit." Wow, what a line THAT is. After I read that, I didn't care what came before it or after it. But you've managed to cram a lot of uneasiness into a few short lines, and I think it takes a real artist to do that! I enjoyed.2014-09-26 01:41:21
Clean PlateDeniMari Z.DeniMari--are you playing off the phrase "Clean Plate" to sort of talk about making each day a clean slate? A double entendre? That's what I'm getting. So, it's a philosophical way of saying take the bitter with the sweet and don't let the bitter taste thrive within you. I think the hardest sentiments to write are the short ones like this, b/c you have so much to convey in the few verses you have chosen. (Just as an aside, I don't think your "yesterday's" needs to be possessive--and your it's is definitely not--"its own" IMO. (I have been wrong LOL).2014-09-26 01:26:21
ThornsJoe GustinThere has been a loss to you, a lover, either by leaving, but I think it's by death, and though this loss is crushing you, you do not lay the blame anywhere. I wonder if it's a death at sea perhaps, b/c "wind", "dark", & "rock that lie hidden before your shores"--like a shipwreck of some kind. And are you saying that if you choose to think of her "the embrace, the rose that she is" though it is painful you will not even fault the thorns. I like the first two verses the best b/c of the "wind--within" sound and the "dark--so starkly" rhymes, even in their odd rhythm. Actually, that rhythm is perfect for your subject here with wind and dark. I wanted to hear it again in the third and fourth verse, but if wasn't in the 3rd, then I thought surely it should come in the fourth. (Kind of like the musical riff you wait the whole song for). This poem kept me searching to piece the story together--everybody loves a story! Good job. I enjoyed. 2014-09-26 01:16:30
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