This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2016-11-18 02:11:21 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © November 2016 Joe Gustin
Here I AM
Here I am
away from the wind
Here I am at
the hearth of my cat
and within the breathe of your
Love can be kind
sometimes, by bringing you
you may better see
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ashni Irey On Date: 2016-11-23 09:40:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Joe, this is maybe a simpler poem which provokes little imagination for the reader. Your others are way way better. I think also the entry of words in different lines on the last stanza the way they are take away the depth in the meaning while reading.
I feel a melancholy which I think was the point of this write. You are describing the darkness before the light. Somehow, I feel this does not quite reach the standard of your other poems. And your other poems - especially your love poems - are some of the most passionate and soulful descriptions I've read. Please forgive this critique.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2016-11-22 16:01:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
A fine piece of contrast. How the subject is so undersold. Some may say I write overboard about the same.
In your piece, you take the writer, then the detached but party to, (the cat), and accent the entire contrast with an understandable warmth, while providing only description of feelings for the detachment. An interesting conceptual way of sewing the two together.
Some may dislike cats, but most like a pet. Of the darkness, you let each reader fill in the blanks from their own lives, while still linking to the writers personal quest.
“may better see”, would that that was always true!
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2016-11-19 07:40:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
What a relaxing read this is Joe - All the comforts of home and the smallest of things inside can be worth so much more than anything away from home -
In it's own right you've taken the reader from the harshness of outside inside to the peace and quiet of home.
We all need to go through the darkness to find the light - it's such a natural part of life.
Very nicely written,
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