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This Poem was Submitted By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2003-09-16 12:15:40 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Caterpillar walk Disjointed ripples onward To getting somewhere

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-10-07 23:14:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46154
Andrea the flow of this captures the reader. Not once did I pause between lines it was complete. I could actually sense the movement with your selection of words. Outstanding in Haiku format. Well done. Tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-10-04 19:43:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.38710
Great image! I pictured a catterpiller and a pond simutaneously. The form is met. What impressed me was the gentleness of tone that you maintained throughout, without being boring. Good work! Rene

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dan D Lavigne On Date: 2003-09-30 13:39:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Nice 5/7/5 form and structure. I like the use "Disjointed ripples" very descriptive and creates a good visual. Starting each line with a striking sharp consenant brings a vibrant view through this piece. It seems that Haiku's are becoming the new trend, I have always enjoyed this form of poetry and have been inspired to write more myself. Thank you, Dan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-09-26 00:18:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20000
Hi Andrea, I like how you visualize to us readers this cute subject “caterpillar”…on how its body moves like “disjointed ripples”. Your choices of words are very effective imageries for a limited 5-7-5 format. Again, you follow a perfect structure of haiku rule. In such simple words and visualization you hit one of nature’s fascinating creature fittingly right! Kudos on your entertaining work here Andrea! Another superb display of your talent! Enjoyed very much! As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2003-09-25 17:35:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.50000
Dear Andrea, Maybe Caterpillar(s) walk I just love dijointed ripples. Its so great. Onward is a little off to me and because the haiky is so charming I want mroe from that last line. Thank you so much for this image. Jane

This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2003-09-22 00:42:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Andrea, This is so cute and it looks just like me, crawling along! Where do you come up with these wonderful Hauka's or type of, and they are disjointed and they do ripple (something I am doing well too, and all they want to do is "get somewhere". You are so talented, you need to started, if you haven't already, putting together your book of poetry as you have many, many out there that are so worthy. No suggestions except keep writing! Have a fun day at work and love ya, Debbie

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-09-17 16:24:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88235
Hi Andrea, Straight foreward haiku, your theme is animal (nature) related. Just a little suggestion usually in haiku, there isn't any capitalization used, just in case you would like to strive toward the more traditional Japanese written style. Not a distraction for this reader though. Enjoyable formation, and choice of dialogue, to most aptly describe that ardious, underlating walk, that seems to take foreever. I guess the jusposition for humankind would be, that same sort of descriptive, wondering just how long is this process going to take, especially when considers the im[patience of humankind. Easily pictured, I can recall as a child during summers, spying these creatures, fancanated by them. Latying there with the whole summer to go, the sun beating against naked skin, and watching, and wondering what exactly it must feel like to be this form of life. Yes many times these creatures were found walking on the grape leaves that surrounded the pretty untamed land that surrounded our house by the pond. Long hours wondering. Your wording, more captures the gelight, the count, using limed descriptives, carries the correct count. A new talent being born right before our eyes, for this type type of peotry takes a lot of discipline to conquer the skill. Guess some have it, and some of us never will. No question you do. Hope you got the e-mail, let me know if you didn't, ok. Best always, Jo Morgan

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-09-16 17:33:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.58824
Hi Andrea, This is an ingenious haiku! Using two words with 5 sylables for the first line...three words for seven in the next and finally three for five in the last line. Good show!! Why can't I do that? I also like the caterpillar as the star of this tale...very well done. Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2003-09-16 16:38:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
Andrea,this one is terrific. I really love the imagery. I can see that caterpillar moving. Disjointed ripples onward is absolutely perfect. I would change nothing with this one. Sandra

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-09-16 16:24:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.69231
Caterpillar walk.....now if we could all do that at some time or other would that not cause a laugh or two. Disjointed ripples onward......not a joint in their little body but they certainly travel forth To getting somewhere....indeed they may start early morning light and make it across the road by nightfall.....or better yet climb one of those tall trees nestled back in the yard.....nice little piece here my friend filled with great images and form true to the 5-7-5.....my best to you along with my thanks for posting. Be safe, God Bless, Claire

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