This Poem was Submitted By: Debbie L Fischer On Date: 2003-11-19 20:36:22 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Winter Night

Frost-tipped windows; wind howling fiercely  Cuddled hearthside, scent of candles, background symphony softly plays, blending in unison with each tender touch. Entwined bodies together as one  soul.

Copyright © November 2003 Debbie L Fischer

Additional Notes:
Thanks to Jennifer for the inspiration for this nonet.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2003-12-04 22:49:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93548
Hi Debbie: Ah, so this is the original ... I see punctuation revision in the later version, but that's about it. I agree totally with dropping the cap on "cuddled" and inserting the ; after "fiercely" ... tiny details, but they can make or break the final effect. The imagery and nonet structure are otherwise the same. It's a pleasure to get this second chance to read something so exquisite. The backdrop may be a cold winter night but the soul within is warm. My best, Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2003-12-02 15:47:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94118
Debbie: I greatly miss your presence on TPL, both the joy of your poetry and of your critiques. I spend less time now due to health problems just as some other members have had to do. Anyway, the title of your nonet suggests a cold evening when everyone should be safe and sheltered. "Frost-tipped windows; wind howling fiercely. Cuddled hearthside, scent of candles, background (music) softly plays," Your imagery is great as always. "Frost-tipped" is unique and crisp and window/wind play nicely together. Only you would write "cuddled hearthside" which is exquisite. I love candles burning, especially in the winter, and buy my favorite scents all year long. Then, of course, there has to be music to complete the scene and the modifier "background" suggests something mellow and romantic. In your revision, you picked up on one syllable too many in line 3, and fixed it accordingly. "blending in unison with each tender touch. Entwined bodies together as one soul." Now you limn a romantic picture which was presaged by "cuddled" and soft music playing. You tell the reader that the music blends "in unison" with the caresses of the couple. Nice allits in "tender/touch/together". "Entwined" is another Debbieism which is perfect for the scene of the cuddled pair as they softly hold and touch each other. Your ending: "together as one soul" is beautiful. Again, your prior reference to "unison" segues wonderfully to "one soul." This is a lovely, lyrical poem that should appeal to all readers. What is more enchanting than lying in love with your significant other in front of the fireplace while the night is cold and the wind howls with force? Your linguistics is ideal for the poem and evokes emotion in this reader as I'm certain it will resonate with others. You meet the criteria of the nonet form which I hope you will continue to use as it feels like a perfect structure for your writing. You've always written short poems that say a great deal with a dearth of words. Kudos for this accomplishment, best wishes for its success, and please keep posting when you can! Brava! Mell Morris
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-11-22 14:59:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Debbie, I am glad and excited that you are back to the site. I remember the last time I critiqued your poem way back in 2001. Actually, I became inactive last june 2001 and only last sept 2003 that I was back to the link. It was after I got my first career after graduation. Anyways.... It is nice of you to be inspired by Jennifer. I have also critiqued her work and it was my first time to be exposed to this kind of poetry and I was amazed how the form manages to have a complete thought. This one is about Winter Night! Does a nonet has a specific theme like a haiku which only concern on seasons. "Frost-tipped windows" is already a complete descriptor of a winter night. I like cold atmosphere it brings because I like to sleep in this kind of temperature. There is a remarkable harmonious application of alliterations that fit in the mood like wind/windows, cuddle/candles, and so on... The transition of the imagery of a howling wind to the soft symphony is interestingly amazing. Amidst the seemingly fierce imagery, there is the looming of the soft playing of symphony. Entwined bodies together as one soul is more than appealing...I can feel the aroma of love here. The only little comment is the third line which I think doesn't agree with the form because it has 8 syllables which is supposedly only 7. But that is only a small thing compared to the value I can get from this poem with its interesting visuals. Thanks for sharing, Debbie. Welcome back, Jordan.
This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-11-21 04:47:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.29167
debbie,this is just one of the topics that my mentor has strongly warned me about.but you crossed the line and made it. however, because of your artistic ability, i believe the poem should have been longer and not just a you shouldnt limit yourself to a certain number of lines or syllables coz you have the gift for utilizing words.use that gift.God bless. april
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2003-11-20 17:57:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.87500
Debbie, this is wonderfully done. It is imagistic and pays great attention to language I love wind, windows, howling and then hearthside scent symphony softly the echoes of both assonance and consonance are incredible. Also not one line seems strangly cut or warped to fit the form but all flow naturally. Again, I love this one. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-11-20 11:08:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44000
Debbie--Point, game, set, match! Super job! Are you sure this is your first Nonet? All technicalities met (9 syllables first line, eight syllables 2nd lines and sequential descending syllables/lines until a one sylable finish--yes). Apt title for the piece as depicted by your 1st line descriptors (I almost made a hot cup of something-smile). There is nothing line a fireplace for setting a 'particular' mood: add music,(juice from the grapes) scented candles and some cuddling--it is on! The assonance produced by the O sound in numerous words throughout the piece makes for a nice overall rhythmic tone. I am so sorry if I understated your poem. Thanks for sharing your great effort with us and another thanks to Jennifer for the inspiration (we at TPL win). TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-11-20 07:20:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61111
Not a typical winter night here in Tully when the winds blow and the wind is howling outside your window paine as Old Jack frost nips at the window cill.....the dogs begin to bark, Jerry throws open the window to let the cold night air in, the lights are all out and he snores........I tend to enjoy your version much better though .....nice style, form good for this nonet.......words bring forth images of peace, tranquility, love and romance while the outside world is filled with fury.........thanks for sharing my friend, hope all is well with the two of safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-11-19 22:35:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46154
Dear Debbie, Cool! I'm glad to see someone else stepping out and trying new forms. You did a nice job with this nonet. The title "Winter Night" evokes feelings of chill air and the desire to snuggle, but this piece goes further than that. There is assonance blended throughout and a nice soft rhyme with blending/tender. "Frost-tipped windows" sends little chills down my back, and my house has a window that the wind howls in so loudly (which I think adds to the feeling of being chilled). But when I visualize your imagry here I can feel the warmth and coziness of this winter night of yours. There is just the tiniest problem here. If I counted right there are eight syllables in line 3, instead of seven, which can easily be fixed. This is an excellent first nonet for you Debbie. Thanks for sharing such a lovely piece. Blessings, Jennifer
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