This Poem was Submitted By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-01-14 22:41:57 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Drowning in my own world Engaged by every stroke Naively trusting freestyle Ignorant as I choke  Altogether overboard Lifesavers revoked

Copyright © January 2004 Mick Fraser

Additional Notes:
My acrostic attempt. These are a pleasure to write even when they concern serious subjects. Thanks for the inspiration Turner.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-02-03 12:19:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Wow Mick, this is powerful! Consider me convicted. An Acrostic is a mighty form, but subject matter can add to, or detract from, that strength. In this case it's increasing. Excellent Metaphor that is reinforced with imagry in every new line. I can identify with the overall feeling of this piece, also, Probably because I lived there for most of my life. hehe. But all kidding aside the descriptive langusge used here is very effective and fresh. Your versatility as a writer is inspiring, Mick. So far I've seen you write well with humor, romanticism and now serious reflection. What next? I can't wait to see... Blessings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-02-01 22:15:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.34615
Dear Mick, Acrostics are fun to write and a pleasure to read. This one is done very well, mostly I just love the simplicity of them. So few words, but the thoughts that are conveyed are wonderful. I found that it is not a simple task to make your thoughts known following the patterns and so very few words. You did a great job on this one. Thanks for sharing, Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie L Fischer On Date: 2004-01-27 21:08:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70588
Mick, Great use of denial. Drowning in my own often we get absorbed in just ourselves refusing to deal with issues we need to address. We are only ignorant in the fact that most of us pick and choose what to deal with. I certainly am guilty of that. Then the day comes where we must all face things we haven't..whether in this life or not. Thanks for sharing. Deb:)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-21 14:59:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.90476
I am new to the idea of acrostic poems. I found out what they were just to critique this poem. It's pretty cool concept actually, and this one is done quite well. I will need to try some of these myself. Thanks for the wake up call. On to your poem... I like the idea of drowning and responsibility in the first two successive lines. This is a good contrast to the general idea of denial and for me makes this poem. Well done. Thanks, REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ronda Michelle Nelson On Date: 2004-01-16 13:05:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mick...Being a novice writer, it is a little hard for me to critique! This made me think of being completely overwhelmed, or the consequences of being in denial, and then the truth comes flooding over, overwhelming. I hope I'm on the right track, here. That's one of the beauties though of free style, to different people it means different things, and when writing it, it is very freeing, to not be confined to rhyme.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-01-16 11:14:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.43750
Hi Mick, Believe it or not I am about to try an acrostic poem and I thought before I post one I would ask Turner's opinion! I think you have done a great job with this one. You have kept the theme all the way through and made sense out of it. Something I think may be difficult. The first two lines are great..."drowning in my own world....engaged by every stroke" I took this to mean you are your job because I can remember (before I retired) that I often felt like I was drowning in paper work and it was either sink or swim. However, you may be speaking of life in general. The third line..."never trusting in free style" blew my first theroy all to hell and I decided you are speaking of writing poetry...which can be somewhat overwhelming when you thing about it. The next three lines could allude to either theory. I especially like the last line..."lifesavors revoked" matter what you do in life you can only rely on yourself when all is said and done. Very good for your first for mine...if I get the nerve to write one and then tell me what you think. Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-01-15 12:24:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.63636
Mick--My first time at seeing your name/work. Welcome to TPL. I found your offering quite entertaining. Good use of metaphors as this could be taken literally (non-swimer) or figuratively (personal problems). Not only did you employ the form correctly, your use of excellent alternating rhymes; "stroke/choke/revoked" gave the piece a harmonious humorous tone. Always glad to see new names on the site and you've made a good impression with your first time effort. Keep writing. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-01-15 08:37:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.68421
Interesting format and I can see how you enjoy putting them together be able to find just the right words for each line beginning with the first letter of the word used as the title......I have never tried something like this and I doubt I could even do it.......Is it not nice to learn from others here on the link and to give them credit like you did indicating Turner was your inspiration.....that is so nice.....Thanks for posting, sharing this with us...perhaps I might try it here at home and if it works I will post it......but for now, I have a sleeping muse......Be safe and God Bless, Claire
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