This Poem was Submitted By: Rebecca Lee On Date: 2004-02-10 11:31:11 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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HeartCircles all beauty ends
and blooms again…
the flower
throws its pollen
the tree
flings it’s seed
dark bitterness
must be felt
at the glorious ending
hatred for a moment
of life continuing anew
elsewhere
the dying elm remembers
its origin....
the blooming seed rejoices
in the towering mighty oak
each new blossom
a bit hardier than the last
~~
I have known scores
liked many ~
loved only a few.
those few remain in my heart
throwing seeds of remembrance
that grow …
hardier
the ending always tasted sour
black heart pieces
cut and hurled
vicious spirals searching for a victim
exorcised.
from a distance now
there is no hatred
no what if
or maybe
no thought for the future
just peaceful sweetness
memories
of moments in time
eternity
~~
still i love them all.
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Copyright © February 2004 Rebecca Lee
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-02-27 17:45:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.11111
Rebecca, I really enjoyed your poem. I do think you might want to concider changing the order of your lines a little.
the flower throws
its pollen
the tree flings
its seeds
all beauty ends
and blooms again...
What rearranging the order of the lines does is put the specific lines with concrete images and powerfull verbs first where they can hook the reader. Changing the line breaks puts the verbs in the most important point in the line so that they carry more weight.
I did truly enjoy the poem though and this was just a suggestion.
Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-24 19:53:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
A tender and emotional, yet strong piece of art. Brief lines work well when there are this many emotions to describe and share with the reader. I love the comparisons/ties to nature in the beginning and the softness of the ending lines especially. Write on, Rebecca!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-02-18 13:57:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54286
Heart Circles........feelings within the heart as felt during each season as indicated in the opening stanza nicely structured with good word flow bringing forth images as one travels on down the seasons of life......my most favorite season is Spring which does reflect new life......the flowers buried beneath the snow start to stretch forth after a long winter nap.......the furry little animals remain outside longer during the daytime since the sunshine warms the earth we love so much below....my yard has more then enough lilac bushes and I love to watch them come to life and the blossoms they bring forth with their perfume filling the air around the house for weeks on end........thank you for the image particularly at this cold time of the year.......
The circle of life has no beginning nor an end it it through the love of the Lord that we are here and some day we shall all leave and return to the heavens above and poet that is a true fact, been there, done that and its beautiful......and as you know there are many different forms of love reflecting marriage, dating relationships, friendships, children , husband, wife, whatever and to set any bad feelings against any is to free yourself of a binding hold of hatred.....this is what I received from my read.......I believe there are many emotions being passed around in the second stanza as well as the first though I do believe forgiveness and love remain true to the poet involved with this write. Thanks for posting and sharing......I am sure this will make the top list of the months......super job.....be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-02-17 20:38:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
Hi Rebecca,
I have read this piece several times and find myself relating to the words. To me this
is a poem about life and death. One can look at the surface and relate only to the
renewal of nature. When a tree or plant dies they sow their seeds so life can go on.
...'the flower throws it's pollen...the tree flings it's seeds' the usuage of the word
'flings' here is so appropiate and immediately gives me an image of my own flowers and
trees....'glorious ending..hatred for a moment of a continuing anew' I was able to feel
the pathos in these words but then you give the reader an uplifting and hope for new
life with the following words...'blooming seed rejoices...new blossom a bit hardier than
the last' The remainder of the poem referrs to human blossom and loss ....'known scores..
loved only a few'...'remain in my heart throwing seeds of rememberance'...I love that line.
...'from a distance now there is no hatred...peaceful sweetness..memories of moments in
time...still i love them all'...I was so glad to see that this ended on a positive note and
not something too sad to bear...as I am guilty of that sometimes. This is a good piece
one I know will rate high on the winneers list.
Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2004-02-16 11:27:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Hi Rebecca,
I admire the imagery and flow of this poem. It works well to carry your messege. The metephors really work well, creating the emotional response that (I think) you want. There is a gentle beauty here that doesn't deny the existance of pain, but rather incorporates it as a part of life with a value of its own.
The only thing I would suggest for this poem would be that you become consistant with the punctuation. I'm referring to either having it, or not having it, as the mix caused me as a reader to stop reading and go back to re-read. It just interrupts the flow of the reader's attention. Also there is a typo in line 6, where "its" is written as "it's". The title is excellent, making the reader pay attention.
Thanks for sharing this poem. It shows a lot of growth in you as a person and a poet.
Rene
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-02-12 12:14:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.33333
I like this poem, as it brings back for me some memories of a stand of oak trees I once lived across the street from. I used to walk around under their enormous sweeping arms and it was wonderfu.
It also seems to be about love and loss- their cyclical nature. It's great for that impulse to be tied to descriptions of nature- very appropriate to me.
This is a super well done poem. A favorite of mine here. The language is quite plain, not flashy. I cannot pick out an astounding turn of phrase or anything, and as such the fact that it flows so well, and at the same time you are able to connect with the emotions there is amazing.
Thanks,
REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-02-11 21:47:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
In essesnce you can find love, after love again. This poem is very unique and it's that quality that made this special to read. It has a special twist to it, in my opinion because I never thought the beginning verse was leading to relationships. I like how you pull it all together in the second verse "the ending always tasted sour", very good description and "black heart pieces cut and hurled", as if the heart was burned in the relationship.
I think this piece flows well, and the ending is bittersweet. The writer is taking the best memories on to the future without a care or thought - just happy in what was once in their life.
What a great message to send out - hope and peace and resolve that if love is lost - it can be found again.
Thanks for posting this.
DeniMari
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