This Poem was Submitted By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-02-21 16:46:35 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Archae time, an arrowhead
newfound
mine, a sparrow fled
around
decline, a barrow's stead
grave mound
resigned, marrow led
renowned
inclined in narrow head
surround |
|
Copyright © February 2004 Regis L Chapman
Additional Notes:
This is about dirt and dust, and old ideas and thoughts. It's about fleeting things and old dead things. It's about restriction anbd fear of death. Let me know what you think. I am not sure myself.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-03-07 22:23:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I see a man reflecting on his own mortality as he contemplates an ancient gravesite, with accompanying artifacts. The rhyme here is esepcially remarkable because it's so effective, yet could not have been easy to do and provides the "spine" of the piece. In the end, I take "surround" the be a vision of one's own death, surrounded by earth ... no birdsong, no awareness, no need for anything at all. Thus the dead wait to be discovered ten thousand years later, and perhaps hope that someone will be curious about them.
I like this poem very much. It's unusual, fresh, thought-provoking. And I am fast running out of time! : )
Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-02-29 22:55:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Reeg:
First, I'm very happy to see you doing what you do so well: posting your poetry
and issuing crits. Second, as I've said before, you likely have a few IQ points
on me and I'm guilty of catechresis on occasion.
I look at your poem and react with an amazed eye. In form/structure alone, you
have four separate rhyme schemes maintained and if that is not sufficient, the poem
is metered as well!
Your title is perfect for thoughts of more ancient times, relics recovered from ancestors,
and ancient burial sites, etc. Your first word is likewise perfect because your entire
poem is about time; your theme, as it were.
You tell us of a newly-found arrowhead which you claim and a sparrow fleeing from decline.
My take is that the arrowhead, when made, usually had bird feathers attached and both
arrowhead and sparrow fly through rarefied air. One thinks, too, of the biblical allusion
to the sparrow.
Who does not flee from decline or death? You segue to a barrow, a mound over a tomb, I believe,
then "grave mound." I do not believe this is mere reiteration but a point about the gravity of
death.
Resigned to the grave...we flee and fear death...but it's inevitable and we will all be
resigned therein. Or consigned and confined. :)
The most intriguing bit for me is the "marrow led...renowned". The sole interpretation I
could imagine is that marrow is the innermost substance of life and if "marrow led", we
are certainly alive and known. Also one who achieves renown may be due to his ability to
"carve the cow close to the marrow." Another way of saying one is deft at deductive thinking.
"Inclined" is a quintessential adjective for imagery of sloping mounds. It may be in "narrow head"
but that type likely fears death more than the marrow led referenced earlier.
Your final word: "surround." This is such an epiphany word, IMO. Whether in surround of life
or death is the clever question herein. Surround in marrow or barrow? For me, this one word
couldn't be better for this poem's finality.
I applaud the genius of your poem, Reeg, and experimental poetry is risk-taking writing. I
admire that quality in a poet almost more than anything else. When one writes this sparely
and tightly, he places everything right out on a limb, vulnerable to the marauding pruner.
I give this poem high marks for all the reasons cited in the exegesis. Even if wide of the
mark in my interpretation, I enormously enjoyed the read.
Laurel wreath!
Mell Morris
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-02-28 17:16:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61111
I love the use of language in this poem. The assonance surrounds the mound of time and
send us spinning through a surround of fled sparrows. Bravo, Regis. It is more about life
I think - with death an assonic coda.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-22 12:08:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
There is much strength in brevity. This may be a little too brief, leaving the reader searching for the real meaning, especially in the last 2 lines. I like it, even without the footnotes.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-02-21 20:10:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57143
Regis--My first time being privy to such a terse peice so dense in rhymes. This piece obviously
required a great deal of thought and effort; for sure an apt title surmised with help gleaned from
your notes and vertical rhymed poem. In my humble opinion, you may have invented a new and intricate
"fixed form" of poetics. Bright and witty use of unique descriptors/metaphors to address somewhat
gloomy or unwholesome topics. Sorry if I misstated your intentions. Thanks for sharing this fresh
"old" offering with TPL. TLW
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