This Poem was Submitted By: Erin E Roland On Date: 2004-02-24 02:32:11 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Saturday. crowded-lonely bookstore buying thoughts to replace my own out foggy windows solitary, cars passing your smell touching me poking at my memory I wanted to fall into it inhale that scent exhale doubt but you would replace it with ambiguity  skirting even your own intentions at times, sometimes  shadow was your intention eventually I´ll grow tired of fabricating memory to sustain emotion the scent lost to the wind As for now? I´ll wear it as mine, swirl it around me and I’m invisible, yet tangible as a tear  passing across my cheek matching the rain in the window I´m not ready to change, but my spring will come white blooms on the corner sweet cold aftertaste of gusts that rush the winter days away It´s coming, irrepresible  when it bursts into Orange  across my mind all will subside, gone from terms of the present Healed by hearts´seasons the rain of winter seeps under the surface into a corner of memory Inspiring the love that is to come.

Copyright © February 2004 Erin E Roland

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-03-06 18:59:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61538
Hi Erin... This is wonderful. My interp is that you are spending the time trying to overcome the loss, but the bittersweet memories haunt, please and provoke you to think of the inspiring love that is to come. Some of my aother fav lines... buying thoughts to replace my own your smell touching me...poking at my memory As for now, I'll wear it as mine Whew...great ride. It is one of my favs this month. Mick

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-25 20:29:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.26316
Beautifully emotional! Realistically descriptive! A lot of thoughts passing through this mind as it contemplates the future?? Wonderfully picturesque imagery. A nice work, but the 4th line seemed a little puzzling. Irrepressible with 2 s's. Thanks for sharing this with us.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-02-25 15:24:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.64000
Erin--Great melancholy free verse. Supreb oxymoronic (crowded-lonely bookstore) start of 2nd line enjambing with the 3rd line, which is my favorite phase of the poem: "...buying thoughts to replace my own" This is powerful!! What appears to be ramblings is actually the pain spilling out open wound(s) of a jilted suitor. Who knows why? We do know this is not being handled too well initially by this one half. Many bitter sweet memories captured by vivid and heartwrenching descriptors. The speaker not only has it bad ("...your smell touching me poking at my memory...") but knows it ("...eventually I'll grow tired of fabricating memory to sustain emotion.../As for now?/I'll wear it as mine..."--double WOW!). There is still hope for this lovesick/heartbroken speaker as indicated by the nice twist/turn: "...but my spring will come white blooms on the corner sweet cold aftertaste of gusts that rush the winter days away..." "...all will subside, gone from terms of the present" Yes, the speaker knows also that nothing last forever, not even the bad stuff; some measure of redeemption is regained through a hope/wish to love again: "Healed by hearts' seasons the rain of winter seeps under the surface into a corner of memory Inspiring the love that is to come." The line breaks employed in this piece serves to create different emotional tone and effect for the words/phrases. I am sorry if I misstated your intentions, because I certainly enjoyed the read. Thanks for sharing your effort. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-02-25 05:03:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.10000
Hi Erin- I really liked these lines: eventually I´ll grow tired of fabricating memory to sustain emotion sustain the hope, be patient. Well done. tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-02-24 23:13:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Bitter emotions rise to the surface of this poem - and stand out to tell the sad story of loosing love, someone who meant everything to someone - it's clear when you can still smell their scent around you. Now that this love is over, the writer has hope of finding it again - after the healing period, which brings me to one of my favorite lines - Healed by heart's seasons,a very unique and catching phrase. My one opinion would be that you might want to break it up a little more - because at times it seemed like it was running together in places and would read better if it was cleaned up. Your imagery stays consistent, as the story of the break up unfolds. Very nicely done. Sincerely, Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-02-24 16:15:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44000
This is a well done poem mainly for the insightful observations into the love and loss that we have all been through before. One quibble is the minor missing space in the last stanza, but it forgiveable because of the immense quality of the rest of the piece. I like the part about the book store, because that is when I have always felt most vulnerable during these times as well. Some nice lines are: Healed by hearts' seasons and I’m invisible, yet tangible as a tear Well done piece of work. Thanks, REEG!
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