This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-04-05 20:14:49 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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"I Don't Know"

I  can  paint a color to go with every emotion I feel, - except for a color to  describe "I don't know". This  vague perception creeps up now & then that blank blinkless  stare and amnesia crawls up my back and  you know, but you don't. Where did the answer go?

Copyright © April 2004 DeniMari Z.

Additional Notes:
"I don't know what to write anymore, I'm having a real block right now, so I'm just posting for fun".

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2004-05-05 10:24:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.06667
Dear Deni You found the answer but have not given yourself credit for it. Have you not read all the words of instruction for writers saying "write from where you are"? You have done just that. Like a blind man asking for a description of colour, you are asking to see the unseeable. Are you then surprised that you can't see it? Any sense of what you don't or cannot know is almost by definition an ineffable unseeable-ness. And you have captured the question that must burn in all our hearts as well as you can ... ...given that you can't see it. Best wishes Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-04-18 16:57:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni You are doing the right thing, just keep writing and keep posting. My husbands advice to me is to let go, write what I want, clean it up later, and not worry what someone will think. The secret is just doing, as I can see from this post, your muse is still there, looking over your shoulder, smiling with encouragement. I think they want us to think for ourselves once in a while. Thanks for sharing. Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-04-15 22:08:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78947
Dear DeniMari, This is the first I've read of you, so perhaps it's not a true picture of what you can do poetically, but I must say I quite admire your determination to force your hand to the page and overcome that writer's stymie of thought! Good for you. This poem, while at first glance seems simple, is quite a gem in the making. Perhaps there's something here to keep going with until it's something much more. I like the idea of "painting" with color to show the mood and feel that emotions provide. Although, I think a steely grey might lobby for position as the "I don't know" color, perhaps you've already got that one used as sadness, melancholy or some such. I love how you aliterate "that blank/blinkless/stare," simply marvelous! Some suggestions: after "every emotion/I feel,/-" I would remove the comma and just go with the hyphen, but move it up to end the "I feel" line. Likewise, with "you know,/but you don't." I would suggest a different form of punctuation than the comma. It just doesn't sit quite right for me. Everyone has their own preference, I guess. Go with what feels right for you, just take another look at that one for me. Finally, I would suggest you consider your ampersand. How much are you loving it where it's at? If you can live with a change to the "and" alternative, then go with that. Thanks for hearing out my thoughts on the subject. Hope you get over your block soon. I think you already have! Thanks for sharing your process as well as your triumphs here on the Link. Warm regards, Don
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-04-12 15:27:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
Hi DeniMAri, I know what you mean...we all lose our muse from time to time and it is so frustrating. However, I think you created a very fun piece and I am sure all poets who read it will agree....'blank blinkless stare' is priceless! And how does one limn 'I dont know?' They probably don't but if they are as clever as you they will find a way! 'you know, but you don't where did the answers go?' Who knows...maybe to a poetry abyss or perhaps cyber space...I think lots of things get lost there. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to have a grin. Blessingss...Marilyn p.s. about losing your really haven' just read poetry and it will soon come back to be written by your pen at your command.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-04-09 10:08:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Maybe we at the Link can help get you back on track. I might suggest the following, but don't want to write your poem for you - only try to assist you: I can paint a color to go with every emotion I feel - except for a color to describe "I don't know". This vague perception creeps up now & then, that blank blinkless stares - [nice line with the alliteration & consonance.] and amnesia - [also, the "a" assonance in these lines works very well. I'd retain it.] crawl up my back and I know - [I'd keep this in the first person, whereas it began that way.] but I don't. Where did the answer go? The only other thing I would consider is using a few adjectives to show the colors mentioned. Just a thought. It seems to have quite a matter-of-fact quality, not conducive to evoking the emotion that the poet should be expressing when this question is unanswered. I hope I have been nothing but helpful - yet, I know how it is to lose the "touch", the inspiration, and all the other stuff that it takes to continue at times. Best wishes. Wayne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-04-06 05:33:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.37500
DMZ- I know the feeling. The color is gray. The way out is the way in. Read. Write about a bug. TEW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2004-04-06 00:34:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
DeniMari, A real enjoyable thinking out loud session. The format supports the rambling state of mind. The font compliments the tone. I found myself painting a little curl at the ends of my lips during the read. Perhaps, it's "been there, done that" or just having fun with you. It reads like it is passing through my head without my eyes! A stolen or borrowed thought that you realize you shared before in your own silence. By the way, "I don't know" it is the color of the water that you rest your paint brushes in. A little muddy from those few strokes of genious on your canvas. Thanks for sharing. Andrea
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