This Poem was Submitted By: stephen g skipper On Date: 2004-04-13 19:02:34 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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I've had a season of joy, Followed by a season of sorrows, Where she has gone, I will surely follow. The hounds of winter, Are howling on the wind, I see her face, beautiful As ever, so easy to remember. Waiting for a thunderbolt of reason, Arms now outstretched, For a lightening strike of truth, Because she's gone. Even though she's so close now. I will keep the faith,  After my own fashion, Never to forget her utter love and passion.

Copyright © April 2004 stephen g skipper


This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-05-01 17:43:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93750
Stephen: This is a lovely tribute to your wife so recently lost to you. I am glad you are writing about her because that act in itself can be palliative. Some say cathartic. I wish they were titled but I'm sure you have a reason for the "Paula Poems" to remain untitled. I've had a season of joy, Followed by a season of sorrows, Where she has gone, I will surely follow. The hounds of winter (,) Are howling on the wind. I see her face, beautiful As ever, (so) easy to remember. In Stanza 1 I would change line 2: "Then a season of sorrow". The reason for the suggestion is to even the meter between lines 1 and 2 and to eliminate using "follow" twice. In the 1st stanza, poet tells of his joys and sorrows, calls them "seasons". I like this word because it has the connotation of change which is certainly true in your case. The first two lines of Stanza 2 are wonderful. Hounds/howling and winter/wind are grand word choices. I know how the memory of her beautiful face must haunt you. Stanza 3 paints a vivid scene. I see a man outdoors, clouds around, and he has his arms open and extended waiting for a thunderbolt of reason. (Nice back rhyme to season). My heart says the man would like to be struck by lightning as he would immediately be joined with his beloved. "Even though she's so close now." I think this is a beautiful structure to have that one line by itself to show its importance. In your lovely final stanza, I would make the 3rd line into two, keeping your quatrain pattern going. "Utter love and passion" set as fourth line would be stunning in format. It's a beautiful line in whatever form...these are my tiny suggestions only. Your loving elegy to your wife is evocative and I hope to see more of same. Bravo and best wishes, Mell


This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-04-27 13:45:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Stephen: This poem is as powerful as your others, and I am grateful that you still write as a means of expression and healing. As someone whose writing began with the loss of someone whose loss I could not accept, I know the deep well of sorrow from which this poem emerges. You honor us by offering it here. I am also grateful that the poet in you continues to give voice to anguish and love for Paula. You keep us in touch with that love, with Paula's presence in your life, and the transforming power of the written word. I am deeply moved by this poem, and though I realize it is placed here for comment, don't want to suggest changes. I would like to see many more pomes like this, in as spontaneous forms as you are able to allow - because I strongly believe that there is a book of poems waiting to be written. And I am a reader who will rejoice in each one, as in this one. This stanza which struck me most powerfully: Waiting for a thunderbolt of reason, Arms now outstretched, For a (lightning) strike of truth, Because she's gone. Here you have captured the core of the matter. How can so powerful a presence in one's life be absent, and how can anything else ever have an impact on one after such a loss? Truly, it would take a "thunderbolt of reason" and a "lightning strike of truth" to make sense of so unacceptable a loss, and to have a reason to persevere. And you give that reason (thankfully!) in the final lines: I will keep the faith, After my own fashion, Never to forget her utter love and passion. I've been waiting for this poem. It inspires in me the hope that I, too, can endure after extreme hardship, can making meaning of life after great tragedy. You inspire me to continue my own 'griefwork'. Thank you for the gift of this poem. And I look forward to many more. All my best, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-04-17 16:29:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Stephen, What a wonderful tribute to your wife. You can see the love and devotion that you felt for her. I know that she is smiling down tenderly and loving you and just waiting for you to join her someday. When you have had the love of your life and known the joy of that kind of loving, it has to be devasting to lose her. Thanks for sharing. Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-04-14 15:50:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Hi Stephen, First of all I am so glad to see you are writing again...this has been such a difficult time for you and I am certain there are times when you miss Paula so much that you think it just can't get any worse. You will survive. This is a lovely poem about loss and love. The writing is simple but packed with so much emotion that I can almost feel your sorrow and tears as you wrote the words....'a season of joy..a season of sorrows' this is a wonderful beginng for this piece that is full of pathos...'the hounds of winter are howling in the wind'...I like these lines..they are musical and revealing....'waiting for a thunderbolt of reason' I think the only thunderbolt you will receive is the one that slammed you when you lost your soul mate...now it is just a climb up the mountain that looms before you everyday that you awake. But climb it you will...I could not say this if I had not climbed the same mountain....'I will keep the faith'...this gives this reader a sigh of relief....'never to forget her utter love and passion'...you will never forget but the memories will just become a part of you that you can visit at any time then put them away and move on. I enjoyed this piece and applaude you for writing it. Peace....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-04-13 20:36:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Stephen, another emotional out-pouring to one whom you, or the subject, cares about deeply. A nice metrical opening stanza. For a lightening strike of truth, - [sp. "lightning", or maybe "an enlightening strike of truth,"?] The hounds of winter, - [delete comma?] Are howling on the wind, - [nice assonance "hounds-howling"] I see her face, beautiful As ever, so easy to remember. - [Nice rhythm, rhyme (1&4) and assonance here] Waiting for a thunderbolt of reason, - [Maybe start with "I wait for..." or something along that line?] Arms now outstretched, - [I'd delete this comma.] For a lightening strike of truth, - [sp. lightning][Again, I believe comma is not needed.] Because she's gone. - [The thoughts in this stanza seem a little incomplete, although the imagery is fine.] Even though she's so close now. - [Should the period go to allow connection to the closing? Space is ok.] I will keep the faith, After my own fashion, Never to forget her utter love and passion. - [Nice closing rhyme for a truly intimate ending.] Happiness and peace is my wish to you. Write on. Wayne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-04-13 19:33:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello Stephen (again, hello) This is probably the most emotionally transparent poem I have ever read. I cannot NOT resond. If I could say "the" word or do "the" thing that would carry you across this terrible hour, I would--but none of us have ever figured it out. They call it "five stages of grief" but I don't know...either the five stages are really long--or else there are more stages. I've had a season of joy, Followed by a season of sorrows, Where she has gone, I will surely follow. The first line pulled me right in, and the second reads a little like Ecclesiastes--I can surely follow this reasoning, since I've had my own seasons of the same. We call them seasons, but the sorrow-ones can seem more like years. The 'tilt' of your sorrows/follow half-rhyme drives home the awful pain. It works like prosidy in a film, where the dissonant bass notes preceed the "bad scenes." On the other hand, I don't think this was on purpose--more, just grief working its way out in any way it can. S2 is really beautiful, haunting, inspired and a gift to all who read, even though we feel the season of your heart, we still appreciate the poet's gift. "so easy to remember"---both a blessing and a curse! Waiting for a thunderbolt of reason, Arms now outstretched, For a lightening strike of truth, Waiting for those answers, those reasons from heaven, arms outstretched, similar to the pain and plea of the crucifixion. At first I thought you meant "lightning", but reading further, I think it was a play on the words-- you want the light-en-ing of answers, of truth to ease your burden. Now, if that's what you meant, that is superb! I think your use of 'opposites' is most effective--how she's gone--...but so close. In poetry (as well as in grief) I do believe we can have it both ways. I will keep the faith, After my own fashion, Never to forget her utter love and passion. Ending with the wonderful, compactful rhyme--fashion/passion is craft at its best--and yet, I don't believe you are really concerned with 'craft' here--just getting those feelings out, on paper, a kind of tribute to her, a kind of release for you--somewhere between a eulogy and breathing. My best to you, Stephen. Time will help. Marcia
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