This Poem was Submitted By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-04-17 21:21:32 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Summer

sizzling steak scent symphony of summer sounds sun rays on bare arms

Copyright © April 2004 Sherri L Smith


This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-05-05 15:35:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72727
Hi Sherri, Nice simply spoken haiki, right on the count, the scents and siunds of summer, nice the middle line captures a midred of all that is summer. It reminds me of B-B'quing, children playing, the glee they express in the play time sounds, I even catch the cool pleasure of frosted beer, and pink lemonade (my imagigination runs rampant with your haiku to summer. Nice, clean, concise and enjoyable, just what a haiku should tell the complete story. Just to fill you in, Debbie is a gem, and wonderful to be with, I'm so sorry the last visit was cancelled, it would have meant the sun and moon to have met you.....honestly, Love Jo


This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-05-01 18:09:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93750
Sherri: I haven't seen a poem of yours in ages! I'm still critiquing, not to win anything but to get some voting power which I never have. I rarely review haiku because there's not enough words for me to explore and you know how I love words. But yours is reminiscent of so many summers, smelling someone's steak on the grill in their back yard until you have to go buy steaks and do the same! There is no aroma on earth comparable to the scent you depict in your first line herein. "The sizzle of steak" is home, family, the USA, apple pie, and the flag. Of course, the fact that your haiku has ten sibilant words...SSSSSSSS... like the sizzle of the steak, has great appeal for me. That soft vocable charms me as much as the hard C or K sound. "symphony of summer sounds"...beautiful liguistry as this conjures images for me of quiet summer nights when you can hear crickets, some bird song, frogs, and the rustle of the wind through the trees or shrubs. Nothing dearer to my heart than euphony in poetry: a symphony of sound. "sun rays on bare arms"...and bare feet as well. I used to stay barefoot all summer except for church on Sunday when my mother made me wear shoes. Bare arms in Texas summers with full sun rays are not always happy times but I comprehend the spirit of your meaning here. Short and sweet, terse and succinct, this haiku is rare for it evokes my senses and makes me reminisce about childhood summers. Excellent work! Best wishes, Mell
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-04-20 22:43:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.45238
We hit 90 deg on Sunday then had our first episode of severe weather. It barely broke 50 on Monday behind the front. I could use a beer. You did this. Made me hot. tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-04-18 17:20:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96875
Hi Sherri--several things really appeal to me about this short poem: I'm learning (from folks who know--laugh) that even though the syllables are right and the line-number is right, it isn't necessarily haiku or even senyru--and so I just agree with Wayne--just write it in this form--and title it, and it's a three lined poem. Of course, the title falls right into the bin of s's that you've got going here--and s's are the right sounds for all the words you have listed here. In fact 'of' and 'on' are the only two words that don't fall into the 's' or 'r's category--and yet, they are two (prepositions???) (It's been over 50 yrs. since I took an English class--laugh again). Anyway, the two propositions that share the 'o'. sizzling/steak/scent/symphony/summer/sounds/sun/ray(s)/arm(s). I think it's the sizzling steak scent that involves my nose right away--and then I'm like Pavlov's dog--I'll just let it go at that! These are fun, aren't they--obviously for you too! Good job. Thanks for submitting. Marcia
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-04-18 14:02:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84314
Sherri, a beautiful 5-7-5 poem. I might shy away from the abundant alliteration in this form, however. The sound, smell, touch [of the sun] senses are really awakened here. If you were going that far, why not "sunshine on the skin"? :>) Just poking fun, probably not a wise thing. Seriously, I did enjoy the moment, and believe me, after this past winter - am I ever ready! This would be my only suggestion, cut back a little on the allits for senryu - and haiku. So, write on. Peace and happy sunning. Wayne Oh, sirloin or T-bone? [medium rare, please]
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2004-04-18 10:32:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55556
Hi Sherri, I Like the Haiku, and it's making me impatient with Ms. Spring. The use of alliteration really works to tie the poem together with all the "s" sounds. I think it gives a sense of softness to the mental feel of the poem. The form is met, although I didn't find a "twist" at the end. Is that absolutely needed for this form? I'm not well educated on Haiku, so I need to ask. Thanks for the preview of a season that is never long enough to suit me, Rene
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-04-18 05:15:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57143
Hi Sherri, Nice to see a new haiku from you! :) And with the "summer" coming (well summer is the time here in the Philippines, from March to June), I can feel the family gathering in beaches, in parks, in special occassions in the house with "barbecue" and "steak" scents. This you captured very well! The stocatto of these "sizzling" sound is truly ear-pleasing. But best is the enjoyment of the "summertime" between kins and friends. Thank you for this pleasent haiku. Again, very family-oriented! Technically, I just find the first line a "syllable" short for the traditional count. Though, I enjoyed the alliteration of the sound "S" which suits the title "Summer". Enjoy the heat and warm days while it lasts! As always, Erzahl :)
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