This Poem was Submitted By: Edwin John Krizek On Date: 2004-05-19 17:24:22 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Upon Making the Acquaintance of Death

I am the naked musician playing eternal chords  that have no beginning, no end. I am the eternal unconscious  spewing forth my demonic  images in myriad motifs.  I am the past, present, and future a representation of the totality of life. What, then, do I care if the birds sing or the crocus blooms, or the moon rises? I am the tide of the life moving  relentlessly over your soul. Moving slowly and certainly over  your entire universe as you float suspended in your unconscious never really knowing whether you’re asleep or awake.   I am the dream of dreams,  the alpha and omega. I am the ultimate reality. Once I have touched you I will not let you go. You’ve only to hear my name and your spine shivers. You’ve only to view my face to see the certainty of your fate. I have no responsibility save to end everything you know, and no compassion for your pleas. Do not be afraid. I will not desert you. Do not weep for those  that have gone before, they, like you, understand  that life’s ultimate irony is its end. It is finished. REJOICE!

Copyright © May 2004 Edwin John Krizek

This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-06-03 22:29:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61111
Edwin--(starting over because what I just wrote left the screen and is nowhere to be found now.) I like the vantage point you have given us here concerning death and I like your ending REJOICE! (And yes, I will). I am the naked musician playing eternal chords absolutely love these 2 beginning lines, Edwin. You give us an absolute yearning for the rest of the poem. "no responsibility save to end everything you know" okay-least we know where we stand! A fine poetic description of everything we always wanted to know about death---but were afraid to ask! Marcia

This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-06-01 22:40:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
It's a spiritual month here at TPL. I have never been more impressed poem to poem about how that sentiment is carried from one poet to the next as I critique along. I like the setup here with this poem. It seems quite serious and even deliberately misdirecting you to the negative. Clearly this is a represenation of temptation itself, and as such is both subtle and obvious. A nice touch. The whole of the thing is well done and has a great and punchy line at the end. Thanks, REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-05-30 01:45:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94118
Hi Edwin, This one is another outstanding craftmanship by you! I am now triggered to catch up your poetry and read them for they have essential ingredients that can impress the readers. This one is about the enemy of life, and you just presented a reality, the death but I don't believe that it is the alpha and omega because I believe in the second life which is for eternity. Just my point of view. Your title is very intriguing and it creates a long long premise of discussion. This can be a matter of debate in the academe or something. Very important subject matter indeed! And here you are again with the formulation of your poetry being quite impressive. The metaphors are equisitely applied. I am the naked musician playing eternal chords that have no beginning, no end. This is once again a fresh idea to me. I am just here wondering how your mind goes to come up with this one. And now I start making aquaintance of death. Hehe! You sometimes when I imagine death, I become terrified. But I learn that death is reality. And I am made to believe in the idea of life after death. It is really frightening to talk about death as your metaphor goes, "I am the eternal unconscious spewing forth my demonic images in myriad motifs." Yep, I agree, death comes in myriad motifs. Hmmm...I like the language. The second stanza starts with a question which is participating, "What, then, do I care if the birds sing or the crocus blooms, or the moon rises?" --This made me wonder and ponder about how I care things in my life. I asked myself, did I care something that I should not care about? Nice imagery being thrown by your question. Your observations of death in the second and third stanzas are all realistic. Thanks for making me aware of these things. What a great personification you have applied here! The use of imperatives in the last strophe is appealing. "Do not be afraid... And the more appealing line is "understand that life’s ultimate irony is its end." Very effective ending, indeed! Thanks for sharing, Edwin. I'm sorry I could not offer any suggestion, I found your piece very oustanding in all aspects plus your intensive knowledge on the subject matter. Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-05-23 19:40:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.21429
Okay, Edwin, I'll take a stab at this one, having read it several times. Be content with today, enjoy what it brings, live each moment - for today IS eternity, and we are at its center right at this very moment. There is a very deep understanding of Eastern philosophy "spewing" from these lines. It is a very powerful poem with its brief line form and staccato sounds of the d's, t's and l's alliterations. The second stanza begins with a question to set the stage for understanding why we should enjoy the present, for death cares not about anything except its certainty. This is what I am getting from this piece, and hope I am not mis-reading your intent. If so, my apologies. I think the form and imagery is just what this subject needs, and will not go into any lengthy detailed, line-by-line analysis. It seems fine as is, although I'm a little leery of the last word being emphasized quite so much, maybe just an exclamation mark with the 1st letter capitalized? Only a thought. Will continue on the others soon. Peace. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-05-20 20:52:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.14286
Edwin this is the best of your poems that I read today. I especially like your more concrete comparisons such as the naked musician. I also love this section What, then, do I care if the birds sing or the crocus blooms, or the moon rises?(this puts us right smack in the middle of our lives and asks us what it is worth and why should we care) I am the tide of the life moving relentlessly over your soul. Moving slowly and certainly over your entire universe as you (this line is a little less substantial than the rest ofthe section) float suspended in your unconscious never really knowing whether you’re asleep or awake. I am the dream of dreams, the alpha and omega. I am the ultimate reality. I would probably not use all capitals in the last line you don't need to keeping it on a line by itself provides the extra emphasis you want. Overall, you have done a great job with this one. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-05-19 21:01:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Re: "Upon Making the Acquaintance of Death" This is a remarkable, poetic view of that eventuality with which all know, but few wish to discuss. Writer: "I am the naked musician" LJMc: There is nothing to hide this conspicuous aspect of life, for it arrives whenever it wishes and does what it will with us. Oh, on occasion it allows a second chance but so rarely, it isn't worth a bet. Writer: "a representation of the totality of life." LJMc: How splendidly the writer summarizes death's effect/affect: "the totality of life." Writer: "What, then, do I care if the birds sing or the crocus blooms, or the moon rises?" LJMc: The author has chosen death to narrate his work. And what a fine job death does as narrator. He evokes a contemptible shiver to pass through me. I consider this unusual as it wouldn't have happended as a young man. However, in beginning to count my eighth decade ... / Well, things do begin to look different. Writer: "I am the ultimate reality." LJMc: I believe the writer makes the above statement correctly. Man has no more contol over this event than the wind. It simply cannot be harnessed, or if death is to occur can it be posponed. Writer: "life’s ultimate irony is its end. It is finished. REJOICE!" LJMc: The writer tells it like poets do; like it is! Moreover, death is the greatest irony in life. It has one ponder, if life as we now understand it, is all there is, why does it happen? By accident? In that case, I am writing "by accident," as well? Nevertheless, the writer leaves us with a suggested, positive outlook. The writer's use of alliteration adds to the poem's cadence. E.G., past/present; dream/ of dreams, for the poem speaks very well. This is the work of one well acquanited with our craft. A fellow poet, Lennard McIntosh
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