This Poem was Submitted By: Stephanie Corrine Mueller On Date: 2004-06-01 23:42:05 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Life Constant anger, confusion and strife.
The struggles of daily life.
So much pain for me to bear.
Nothing but sadness, grief and dispair.
I can't handle all this shame.
I wish it had never came.
Where do I turn for peace and calm?
Maybe I could find it in a Psalm.
Could it come from a little pill?
Possibly the shear force of my own will?
What will become of me I fear to think.
I feel like I am teetering on the brink.
If I fall will I safely land?
Maybe God could help me understand.
Why does my life have to be this way?
I fear the end comming nearer everyday. |
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Copyright © June 2004 Stephanie Corrine Mueller
This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-07-03 00:39:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.09524
Despair and confusion war with a desire to find hope in this poem. This poem flowed gracefully from one feeling to the next. There is always hope. Search for the positive course and cling.
Thanks for sharing this poem. I hope you’ll share more.
Kay-Ren
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-27 19:10:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Neatly rhymed couplets, but so full of agony in what appears to be a terrible outlook, maybe resulting from abuse or neglect. My heart goes out to such as have to deal with this pain, but all I can say is "hang in there". The last line has a typo or spelling error in "com[m]ing". I might consider using some semi-colons at the end of some lines where there is not really an end to a sentence, but just a clause [esp. in the beginning 4 lines. They appear to list what the subject is burdened with, but the list needs a defining subject and verb, like "I carry..." or "Constant...strife/Are the struggles of daily life,/And there's so much pain.../With nothing but sadness, grief and despair. I hope I've helped a little. Like I said, if this is personal, "Hang in there." There is a bottom to every thing life can deal out. I wish you peace and happiness. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-06-17 00:03:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Stephanie,
I thought the couplets worked well with the despair here. Gave the sense of being locked in.
Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-06-14 09:33:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
poet.....good morning, I find your peom "Life" is filled with so much emotion yet you have not given one clue as to what is causing you or someone all this pain, anger and confusion. You have rhymed it well, it does flow well allowing the reader to continue with the read and not get lost......still, the intense pain is felt within most every line.......I like your adding 'maybe God could help me understand' for I feel at this point He alone is the one who can help you to understand what your life is about. Writing your emotions, feelings, thoughts, hopes, dreams, help each one of us in some manner......I pray you keep writing poet and that you do not think of the end comming nearer everyday for yes, it might in all reality be in your hands but remember.....life is a gift from God and if you turn to Him at this time of need, despair, anger and confusion, He is there to carry you safely home.........and/or through this time of your life. Thanks for posting and sharing with us. Be safe, looking forward to more of your work. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-06-09 18:27:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Stephanie,
I see you've tuned into the "down" side of life, and quite well I might say. Just a few corrections that I spotted with spelling - coming only has one m, and shear used in that sense means to shear, like a sheep. Think the correct spelling is sheer.
Your poem flows well, reads well and is easily comprehended by the reader. It touches on depression, and the angst one feels when happiness seems to evade them. Life is full of speedbumps, just gotta learn to get over the big ones, and enjoy the moments in between because as awful as life can get, their are moments to cherish also. Remember that changing circumstances plays a big part on ones happiness, I speak from experience so trust me on that. Anger can eat away at someone, so get to the root of the anger and try to resolve it.
There isn't anything else I would change.
Best to you,
Sincerely,
DeniMari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-06-02 07:57:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Stephanie--First time with a chance to review your work and you have also posted my favorite
genre-Rhyme. This piece reads like a reference that "Life" and its demands are becoming too
much for the speaker. Moreover, combined with a lack of self-esteem, it infers the potential
for some self-inflicted harm. Even though religion and drugs are mentioned as possible avenues
to solace, there is no indication that counselling has been considered as a choice for mitigation.
From beginning to end this poem only laments the speaker's problems, never a chance/opportunity
presented for redemption. Excellent harsh/hard descriptors "anger, confusion, strife, struggles,
pain, grief, sadness, dispair, shame, fear, teetering and end offer vivid imagery of a troubled
spirit/soul.
A slew of end rhymes gives the poem organization and a nice rhythmic ebb/flow. However,the piece
could be a tad tighter, thus making it more concise: suggestion; maybe answer some of the questions
or turn them into statements. Sorry if I misstated your purpose. Thanks for sharing your effort.TLW
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